Grateful Blue

Michigan Football - Predictions

2009-09-04T08:07:00.003-04:00

Okay, so in a scientific survey of the nominal contributors to this blog (all Michigan grads), here are the predictions for the 2009 Michigan football season

Assman - 9-3
Catman - 7-5
Candyman - 8-4
Brandman - 8-4
Brakeman - 7-5
Taxman - 6-6
Lawman - 8-4

The average works out to 7.5 wins. On the high end you'll find me, the Assman. I am admittedly a shameless homer and optimist (a cockeyed optimist, like Billy Mumphrey), and I actually had to rein myself in to keep from predicting 12-0. On the low end is Taxman, who is a pessimistic dickhead whose joy for life and former Michigan homerism has been crushed by the demands of his chosen career of "CPA," whatever that is, and the mind-numbing task of following the Detroit Lions. The rest of us are somewhere in the middle. At the end of the year, prizes (in the form of bragging rights, blumpkins, and generous helpings of sycophantic praise) will be awarded to the one who is the "least wrong" of all of us. We certainly don't agree on everything, but of course I think we can all agree on the following sentiment:

Go Blue!

Michigan Football Preview - Special Teams/Overall

2009-08-31T20:17:00.003-04:00

Well, we all know about the awesomely named Zoltan Mesko. He is already on the watch list for the Ray Guy Award, given annually to the best collegiate punter. Suffice to say, I think this is the only single position on the entire team that I have complete confidence in - rightly or wrongly. Zoltan will boot the ball downfield. I think RichRod should be able to find enough athletes to sufficiently cover his massive mortar shots into enemy territory. The return game is another matter. As Michigan fans, we have been pretty spoiled the last few years. Steve Breaston was steady, and at times spectacular. He was always a threat to take a punt for a TD. We've also had the likes of Charles Woodson, Leon Hall, and Desmond Howard back there in the recent past, so I think our expectations are pretty high. Last year shattered those expectations to the point that I was happy if the return man held onto the ball. I don't want to look at the exact numbers because it's too depressing, but we fumbled lots of punts last hear. Martavious Odoms (he did return one for a TD) probably was the most dangerous, but also had butterfingers. So RR put Greg Matthews, our most sure-handed receiver, back there. And then he fumbled. So did Donovan Warren when he gave it a shot. No one distinguished themselves as a reliable option as a return specialist, so my hopes for this year is for someone to catch the ball and hold onto it like it's his last dollar. The potential return men this year are Odoms, Warren, Matthews, Kelvin Grady, Cissoko, and all of the shifty little slot receivers and RBs (V. Smith, Gallon, T. Robinson, Roundtree, T. Jones, etc.). Just hold onto the damn ball.

For the kickoff team, Bryan Wright is the incumbent, and will probably hold onto the kickoff specialist job he performed pretty well last year. As for return men, see above. Hold onto the damn ball. It ain't gonna bite ya.

Quick Zoltan facts:
- He graduated this spring with a degree in finance and marketing
- Is currently working on his master's degree in sports management
- Was a Playboy All-American last season

Placekicking
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
Ferris: Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.

This is a real mystery position. After KC Lopata (who made 10 of 15 tries) used up the last of his eligibility, we have a severe case of inexperience in the placekicking duties. There are seven (SEVEN!) kickers listed on the roster, and that is one position where you can realistically expect that a walk-on might be able to win a job. With that being said, I still expect Brendan Gibbons or Wright to win the job. However, for some of you the name Eddie Murray might ring a bell. The Wolverines have a "preferred walk-on" kicker by that name this year, but he is no relation to the former Detroit Lions kicker. He has a strong leg and might manage to take the kickoff duties from Wright. I would be satisfied to have a kicker with the success rate of Lopata last year. Worst case: the 2002 season (post-Epstein, pre-Rivas) was the year that started with Phil Brabbs (3-for-9) and Troy Neinberg (2-for-5), and ended with punter Adam Finley (7-for-10) taking over. If that is in the cards for this year, just shoot me now and get it over with. That Washington game almost gave me a heart attack.

Coaching
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

Wow. Where to begin. Personally, I have a great deal of confidence in the head coach, Rich Rodriguez. He has a proven track record of turning around programs. The big leap typically occurs in year two. So, here we are in year two of the RichRod era. I expect big things. However, I understand why others have not embraced him: he's not a "Michigan man" (although his mentor, Don Nehlen, was); he's too nice to the media (many of the same people complained that Carr was too surly toward the media); etc. Some people are now pointing to the ridiculous "non-scandal" regarding offseason workouts - which will ultimately amount to nothing but a footnote at the end of a successful season. After a year in which the defense was a huge disappointment, RichRod made a bold move and hired Greg Robinson to coordinate the defense. Robinson has a proven track record of his own as a D-coordinator, despite his failings as the head man at Syracuse. I think Michigan has a coaching staff that will help them win games, this year and in the future.

Overall Outlook
"Breakfast Club"
John Bender: You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey. Smoke up Johnny."

Okay, now for my prediction. I am pretty confident in the offense. With a new QB who is able to throw a reasonably accurate pass, an experienced offensive line that should have a grasp of the blocking schemes, and a deep stable of running backs, this offense could really be something to behold by midseason. The defense worries me, but bolstered by the addition of new defensive coordinator Greg Robinson, should show improvement in most areas, despite being somewhat young and inexperienced. The punting game is solid. The return game is questionable at best. The kicking is a mystery. The Big Ten conference is weak. They'll probably lose a couple they shouldn't, and win a couple they shouldn't. The team will take these new allegations of NCAA violations and band together and adopt an "us-against-the-world" mentality that has served so many teams so well over the years. I see a 9-3 season.

And just one last quote from "Planes,Trains, and Automobiles," because I couldn't fit it in anywhere else ("that's what she said"):

Del: If they told you wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them?

Michigan Football Preview - Defense

2009-08-17T22:02:00.004-04:00

Last year was a trying year (to say the least) for Michigan football fans. Among the litany of problems: horrible QB play, young offensive line, turnovers, confusion with the new system, poor tackling, bad pursuit angles, etc. Believe me, I could go on. And on. Anyway, 2009 is a new year, and with it comes renewed optimism. Last year I predicted a 9-3 season. I was correct with the numbers, but I had them in the wrong order. My prediction for this year will come later.

Since writer/director John Hughes passed away recently, I thought I'd use some quotes from some of his best films (as a writer and director) to help me preview this year's Michigan Wolverine football team. Earlier, I previewed the offense. Today, the defense:

Defensive Line
"The Breakfast Club"
Andrew Clark: If I lose my temper you're totaled, man.
John Bender: Totally?
Andrew Clark: Totally.

Brandon Graham is widely regarded as one of the top defensive linemen in the Big Ten. That's a good thing. He's the only returning starter on the defensive line. That's a bad thing. However, the cuboard is not exactly bare. Mike Martin played significant snaps last year - and played pretty well. He brings a year of backup experience to the line. It's hard to tell how they're going to line up - in a 3-man or 4-man line. If it's a 3-man line, the other starter will probably be Ryan Van Bergen. If it's a 4-man line, you might see freshman Will Campbell. After that, there's not a whole lot of depth. For some reason, I'm not too worried, because having Graham there makes it seem okay. Don't make him angry - you wouldn't like him when he's angry.

Linebackers
"Breakfast Club"
Andrew: Why do you have to insult everybody?
John Bender: I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.

Ever since the departure of David Harris a couple years ago, linebacker has been, at least for me, a sore spot. Harris could go from sideline to sideline, he was a sure tackler, and he could hold his own in coverage. We got spoiled. Since then, we've been saddled with the likes of Chris Graham, John Thompson, Shawn Crable, and Obi Ezeh - who have all been inconsistent at best. Sure, Ezeh makes some plays, but he also misses tackles and doesn't seem to be proficient at shedding blockers. The MLB makes the defense go, and if Ezeh does not make significant improvement this year, the defense is doomed to another season of head-scratching mediocrity.The other LBs are intriguing. Jonas Mouton showed promise last year, his first as a starter. Stevie Brown will try his hand at LB after what could only be described as a horrible season at safety. Others who could contribute this season - sophomores Brandon Herron, Kenny Demens, and JB Fitzgerald, and freshman Craig Roh. While I remain optimistic in the overall defensive improvement, I am in a "wait-and-see" mode for the linebacking corps. Best case: Ezeh makes a huge Harris-like leap to all-conference level play, Stevie Brown finds his true position, and one playmaker emerges from the rest of the linebackers. Worst case: Ezeh does not improve, Brown proves once and for all that he's not a good football player, and no one else does anything of note.

CB
"Mr. Mom"
Joan: Can I give you a hand?
Jack Butler: You can give me two. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

This may not be the weakest position on the defensive side of the ball, but it's definitely the position with the least depth. The starters will probably be Donovan Warren and Boubacar Cissoko ("It's the Donnie and Boobie Show!"), but with all the spread offenses and three WR sets that every team runs, all teams need at least three starter-quality CBs, or else they'll get shredded. The third CB will either be RS frosh JT Floyd or true frosh JT Turner. Teric Jones just moved over to CB from RB, and could help out as well. Any injuries at this position will further expose the lack of depth. However, after a semi-injured off-year, Warren is poised to fulfill his promise and to start becoming the shutdown corner he is capable of being. Hopefully, the front seven can get some pressure on the QBs and take some pressure off the thin defensive backfield.

Safety
"Weird Science"
Chet: [to Wyatt] Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.

Two years ago, the Michigan safeties were outrageously horrible. The opening game against that one Div. 1-AA team that we lost to? Lots of coverage problems. Last year? More of the same - coverage problems, bad pursuit angles, horrible tackling. This year, it's a clean slate, with two new starters in the safety spots. It looks like it might be Troy Woolfolk in one slot, and it's possible that true freshman Vlad Emilien might start in the other slot. No matter who starts, it will be two players who have never started a college football game. Due to the safety problems the last couple years, I am not terribly confident in the safety situation, to say the least. Other than Woolfolk and Vlad, others who could contribute this year include Michael Williams and Thomas Gordon. Hold your breath and cover your eyes - it could be ugly.

Overview
"National Lampoon's Vacation"
Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our god damn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!

If you read all the stuff I wrote up above, you might find my overview rather perplexing. Despite the less-than-rave reviews within the position groups, I am pretty confident that the defense will make significant improvements over last year. First of all, I think Greg Robinson, the new defensive coordinator, knows what he's doing. Sure he had a horrible team at Syracuse the last couple years, but all that tells you is that he was a bad head coach. He's been successful assistant in the NFL and at Texas, so I think he will have a positive effect on the defense. Secondly, the improvement in the offense has to help the defense. I can't count the number of times that the offense went 3-and-out and the defense had to get right back on the field again. Or how many times the kick return man fumbled the kick right back to the opponent. They had to be tired. Last year's defense gave up an average of almost 29 points per game. I expect it will be closer to 20 this year.

Next time: Special Teams, and overall season prediction

Michigan Football Preview - Offense

2009-08-11T01:15:00.007-04:00

The offensive line situation at the start of the 2008 season could best be described as "desperate." There was only one returning starter (Steve Schilling), and one of the guards (Tim McAvoy) was so bad that he was replaced part way thru the season by a former defensive tackle (John Ferrara). Many times during the first half of the season, McGuffie and the QBs were treated like tackling dummies. However, the line seemed to gel a bit in the second half of the year and it began to open some holes for Brandon Minor. The line went from cover-your-eyes-awful to competent. This season, I expect the line to make another leap forward from competent to good. The linemen have one more year in the spread system, and there is much better depth than last year. This year's line will return last year's starters Schilling, Molk, Ortmann, Moosman, Ferrara, Dorrestein, and some these guys may be replaced by RS sophomore Huyge or RS freshmen Omameh, Khoury, and Barnum. So unlike last year, there is depth and more talent and experience. Along with QB, this will be the most improved unit on the offense.

WR/SR
"Sixteen Candles"
The Geek: Yeah, but the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader. Kinda like the king of the dipshits.
Samantha: Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next fall as a completely normal person.

The wide receivers/slot receivers were a perplexing bunch last year. There seemed to be a lot of talent, but it was hard to get a feel for how good they were when they were constantly being thrown uncatchable balls. When the Wolverines ran the bubble screen last year, it worked when the throws were on the mark - which was rare. That is a pass, more than just about any other, that has to be thrown to the receiver in stride so that he can continue upfield. It's essentially a long handoff, and our QBs were not good at it last year. Henne used to throw that pass perfectly all the time to Breaston, Manningham, etc. This is coming off as QB-bashing in the WR section of the preview, but the point of this is that it was hard to tell how good the WRs were last year when the throws to them were so bad. This year, all the receivers return, and new ones are arriving. I wish I could say with confidence that the receivers are going to be great and no on will ever fumble again, but until we see how they perform when passes hit them where they are designed to, it will be a mystery. I am optimistic that Forcier/Robinson will be much more accurate than Sheridan/Threet, so I expect better things from the receivers, but who knows. At WR, Mathews is a steady and dependable guy, and I expect big things from Stonum and Hemingway. At SR, Odoms showed flashes of brilliance (but he fumbled too much), and the incoming guys could be very exciting (Teric Jones, Jeremy Gallon, Roy Roundtree, Terrence Robinson). It would be great if Kelvin Grady (former M Hoops player and Kevin's bro) could add something to the offense as well.

TE/FB
"The Breakfast Club"
John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

The tight end and fullback spots are an enigma in the spread offense. At WVU, RR used his fullback (Owen Schmitt) a lot, but that's because he was good. I'm not sure if Moundros is that good. The TE is another strange position in the spread. They could use the TE in the slot against a little 5'-8" CB and have a significant mismatch, as all the Michigan TEs are 6'-4" taller. I don't expect the Michigan TEs to have more than 25 catches between them, but I'll betcha they'll have 5 or more TDs.

Overview
"Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"
Neal: As much fun as I've had on this little journey, I'm sure one day I'll look back on it and laugh.
Del: [giggles] Are you sure?
Neal: [starts chuckling] Oh God. I'm laughing already.

Next year at this time, we'll all be wondering what all the angst and hand-wringing was all about. It may take a couple games to get the freshmen all on the same page as the upperclassmen, but by midseason the offense will be running like a well-oiled machine. Personally, I think this offense is the NCAA offense of the present and the future. It's malleable enough that the mix of running and passing can be tailored to fit the strengths of the team. This year's strength will be the running game. I expect that we'll see around 65-70% running plays, and the team will rush for well over 2000 yards. The strength of the running game will open up passing lanes and make it easier to complete short passes to the talented but unproven slot receivers. By the end of the year, OSU will be very worried about how to stop the Wolverine attack.

Next time: Defense

Dead Again - Buffalo 4/21/09

2009-04-23T23:04:00.011-04:00

When The Dead announced they were putting together a limited tour run, I was both intrigued and frightened at the prospect. Intrigued, of course, because the once epic sound and atmosphere of what is left of the Grateful Dead was coming to Buffalo. Frightened because, well, it is 2009, these guys are in the mid-sixties (mid-sixties takes on a different tone when it is an age, not an era), and one Jerome John Garcia would not be stage left. I have seen the many different incarnations of group and individual bands over the years – Ratdog, Phil & Friends, Other Ones, The Dead, and even Mickey’s band – and quite honestly they spanned the spectrum for me of ok to very good, rarely if ever hitting great/unbelievable on the meter. There have been moments, but nothing really consistently driving.
In addition, the apparent sell out to high ticket prices and using a ticket system that was blatantly looking to maximize their dime, made me sick. Long story short, I was online for the pre-sale, their lousy technology made it a 75 minute ordeal, they finally showed decent/mediocre seats after three rounds of lousy seats, so I took them. They then opened up far better seats in the days and weeks to come – give the rabid fan getting seats the first minute (or 75) mediocre seats so the casual fan is more likely to plop down a C-note on a good seat. Sham. Shameful. Plus the overall political shenanigans (whether you are right, left, or center), having Tipper Gore on stage with them in DC, to appearing on the View all make me a bit sick – especially after the GD was so blatantly apolitical all of their careers. Once again, chalk it up to “it is, what it is…”

In addition, one major issue I have personally had with all these post-Garcia bands is that they play too much Garcia material and almost lean on it. In a way, I think that diminishes Weir’s, and somewhat Phil’s, writing and performing of many mainstays of the GD catalog. Unlike some Heads out there who discredit and don’t like Bobby, I have always liked him – rock & roll star and all.

Let’s touch on the departed Garcia for a moment, even though it is all very well documented. Jerry was obviously the leader of the band, and supposedly a reluctant leader. He was a talented guitar player whose sound really defined the band. However, he lent much more - he truly provided a legitimacy to the music because he was a true music encyclopedia who infused all the different styles of music to the band’s repertoire – folk, bluegrass, pychedelia, rock & roll, and let’s not forget the beautiful ballad that I have trouble slotting into a genre. He embodied the music and gave it the sincerity, respect, drive, and ultimately the je ne sais quoi that I, and many, have been embodied with.

On to the show and this particular band. I came to the conclusion that the whole is definitely greater than the sum of its parts. The four – Bob, Phil, Billy, and Mickey – are much better together than the sum of their individual bands because they have more of the GD sound than any of their individual bands. In addition to the original four, they added keyboard player Jeff Chimenti, who is outstanding. He probably could have taken the bench at anytime as the Grateful Dead and fit in perfectly fine. He seemed to be a fine blend of 65% Brent and 35% Keith, adding both texture and melodic highlights.

Warren Haynes had the most difficult job of the night and of the tour, but I can’t think of a better person to fill the role. He did not attempt to simply mimic Garcia’s style or licks, nor did he try to change it up too much to make it all his own. Haynes is a consummate professional, who really did it justice by playing a style reminiscent of Garcia at times, but putting his own mark at the same time. He walked that line particularly well, in my opinion, and he is a great guitarist. His vocals also added a great deal to the show. Honestly, I don’t know how the guy does it and how he keeps all the music straight – he must play 250++ dates per year between Gov. Mule, Allmans, Dead/Phil, and other miscellaneous projects. Another music junkie!

The band has been pulling out old nugget after old nugget out in the first six shows before landing in Buffalo. The likes of St. Stephen, The Eleven, Cream Puff War, Alligator, Born Cross-eyed, New Potato Caboose, and more, have been unearthed. Unbelievable – one side of me thinks how great it is, another side of me thinks they are trying too hard! Stuff that never saw the light of day past 1969.

However, Buffalo would be a more traditional show without any big bombs, and truthfully, that was fine by me. Yes, it would have been great to hear one of the old-time great tunes, but at this point I was looking for some live Grateful Dead music, because it is all good.
Ø They opened up with a very nice and upbeat Promised Land. Nice, traditional start as far as I was concerned, and a Bobby tune (cover of course…) to boot.
Ø Next they did a very nice They Love Each Other, with a nice hint of reggae groove. Warren took the vocals, some nice extended jams, and took a nice little ditty of a typical Garcia love song to an 11 minute groove.
Ø When the first bars of Mama Tried emanated, I was ear to ear – a cowboy tune!! Bobby seemingly doesn’t like the cowboy tunes much anymore, and it drives me crazy because that is what I want to hear! Nice hippie take on Merle Haggard, as always.
Ø Another heavy duty Garcia tune followed – Loser. Well played and sung mostly by Weir, they did a nice job with the song – again clocking in at 11minutes.
Ø Next, a nice surprise with Smokestack Lightning. I was loving life with another “Bobby” tune, but oddly Warren took the lead vocals. Haynes has a very soulful voice that plays very well with the blues, and he sounded great. Just a great blues tune.
Ø Stella Blue was unexpected and one of those Garcia ballads I would rather leave alone, however as soon as I think that, I find myself enjoying the rendition. They do a very good job with these tunes, no matter if I think they ‘should’ be playing them or not. 12 minutes, and very emotionally charged, “Dust off those rusty strings, just one more time…Gonna make ‘em shine” line, but I am sure it lost some people.
Ø More Bob coming up with All Over Now – one of the great old time cover tunes around...heck, it was the Stones first number one single in the UK!
Ø I headed for the men’s room toward the end because they have been playing 7 song first sets, but hey hey…another cowboy song – Big River!! I danced in the aisle-way for this one, and what a great song. Two cowboy songs in the first set – I was happy!
Ø First set was 65 minutes, well played, traditional 8 song first set – nice!
Ø The second set started after a 40 a minute set break. The tingling of Playin’ In The Band was being thrown around, and a 1973-ish, 17 minute version was being born. They played this song, always one of my favorites, very well with a long and expansive jam.
Ø Next was the closest thing we got to a nugget – Me & Bobby McGee. Wow, was this a good one - why didn’t they keep the tune in the repertoire through the 80’s and 90’s. Well performed and great to hear.
Ø Next were two crowd pleasers and Garcia tunes back to back – Loose Lucy and Ramble On Rose. Lucy was fun and light, as it should be, with some good sing-along. I believe they rotated the vocals around on this one.
Ø Ramble On Rose is just a great song and fun to hear and dance to. Again, like in Stella, it was tough to hear the ‘Take you to the leader of the band’ line without pining for the Fat Man. Are they going to play a 5 song pre-drums or how do they go into Drums from here? It was a bit disjointed, but they simply ended the tune, and Drumz ensued. Drumz began with Chimenti staying on electic organ to create a funky groove with the drummers. Some of it was interesting while parts were techno-sound annoying. Drumz finally took hold when Chimenti took a rest, and boy was it fun to see. Good stuff – truly a highlight, although a bit short with only the drummers working their magic. Space was far out and probably dragged a bit for some, and lost others, but I appreciate it – especially when you only see it 3 times in 15 years!
Ø Coming out of Drums, they noodled in different directions, but then oddly and rather awkwardly fell into a Maggies Farm. It was ok, but did not seem to fit well in that slot. Still a great tune, and any time a Dylan tune is played, it has to be taken seriously.
Ø While I am not usually in favor of Garcia tunes without The Man actually playing on them, next was one of my top GD tunes – Eyes of the World. I just love the song – the melody, timing, crescendos, the hippy-dippy optimism. Everything. Lead vocals were traded between Bob, Phil, and Warren. They did a nice job, although it is a tough Garcia tune to really shoot a bulls-eye because, to me, the song wreaks of him. I liked it a lot, and it took me to another place, as all good music should.
Ø They noodled more and hinted back into Playin’ several times. They couldn’t just go back into a Playin’ before they do one more song – could they? Yes, they did. I love the Playin’ Reprise to close the show, and while I like the fact that Warren Haynes did not try to copy Garcia verbatim on most of his licks, this is one place where I wish he had. That ending to Playin’ (or in the Reprise as the case may be) is one of my all time favorite Garcia riffs – I can still envision myself standing in Soldier Field, or other venues, with that ripping riff growling out at me and loving the fact it was slaying me. Not tonight, but a nice ending to the set, albeit a song short for my personal liking!
Ø I wanted a Box of Rain so badly I can’t tell you (they played it last night in Wilkes Barre). I wanted a Phil tune, on top of the fact that Phil did not take the vocals much at all the entire night, which was odd. Instead we got an all too cliché Truckin’ as the encore. Yes, it was well played. Yes, it is a consummate Bobby tune. Yes, it is a great song. However, too predictable for me.

Overall, it was a very good show and well worth going to. Don’t think it warrants traveling for, nor do I think it is worth making the effort to see multiple shows, but if you have a chance for a local show, I recommend seeing it. However, one aspect does indeed lend itself to seeing multiple shows is the fact they are playing a ton of different material and you never know what you will get.

The sound was very good, however the vocal mix was a bit low in spots. I believe some of the vocal issues come down to the fact that Weir has lost some of the power that his vocals used to feature and demand. The stage set up was traditional and as I remember it. However, the light show seemed to be lacking. We had just ok seats (see ticket issues above) but I thought to myself that it was just as good we were far enough away not to see them up close – the Stones Imax film killed me with all the wrinkles and veins! It has always been bizarre to me that Weir went to the longer grey hair with bushy beard and mustache after Garcia passed – there was not a big screen in the place, and I was fine at a bit of a distance.
The circus was indeed in town! The weather was mediocre at best, although the rain thankfully held off, and there was a smallish Shakedown Street set up. Complete with kind veggie burritos, grilled cheese, beer ($3 now!), big looners, pipes, clothes, and the ubiquitous smell of patchouli in the air.

Make no mistake – this is not the Grateful Dead that we once saw. However, they were very good, and it was a really enjoyable to see them. The depth of material these guys are playing really is remarkable. Only three repeated tunes through the first 6 shows is incredible, and there have been some pretty obscure and daring attempts. Truly great live music allows me to shut down and turn introspective for periods of time, and this one qualified there. One of the omnipotent thoughts I had was that life is nowhere as simple as it once was (not a huge revelation), and nor do I make it that way for myself. Racing off to Chicago, Alpine, or NYC for shows in the late 80’s and early 90’s on a whim were all too good of days that I am certainly glad I had and shared with the closest of friends.
All the years combine, they melt into a dream…

(Set 1)Promised Land, They Love Each Other, Mama Tried, Loser, Smokestack Lightning, Stella Blue, It's All Over Now, Big River
(Set 2)Playing In The Band, Me and Bobby McGee, Loose Lucy, Ramble On Rose, Rhythm Devils, Space, Maggie's Farm, Eyes of the World, Playing In The Band, (Encore)Truckin'

Isaiah Thomas - FIU Coach

2009-04-21T16:37:00.007-04:00

There is no way this turns out badly. After all, Isiah has been successful everywhere he's been...

I'm not sure how the interview went at Florida International for Isiah to actually land this job. Maybe something like this...

FIU: So, Mr. Thompson...
IT: Please, call me Isiah.
FIU: Okay, Isiah. So I've looked at your resume and I find it very interesting. You claim to have been the commissioner of a minor league professional basketball organization called the CBA, but I can't find any record of it's existence. Can you please explain?
IT: Well, it went bankrupt shortly after I left. Of course it was not because of anything I did during my tenure as league commissioner. I actually turned down an offer of $11 million from the NBA to buy the league and essentially be its minor league affiliate. It didn't seem like a fair price.
FIU: I see (scratches head, writes note). So tell me about your experience as a head coach with the Indiana Pacers.
IT: Well, I took my team to the playoffs for three straight years.
FIU: That's right, I remember that. Didn't you go to the conference finals or something like that?
IT: Well, actually Larry Bird took them to the conference finals the year before I got there. We lost in the first round in each of the seasons I was the head coach.
FIU: I see (scribbles note). So, you then became President of Basketball Operations for the Knicks. Tell me about some of your most successful contribution in that position.
IT: Let's see. I was able to parlay two high first round draft picks and get talented young big man Eddy Curry from the Bulls. I hired Larry Brown. I signed Jerome James...
FIU: Okay, I get it. Let's move on. After you fired your hand picked head coach, Larry Brown, after just one year and replaced him with yourself, how would you assess your performance as head coach of the Knicks?
IT: I feel we performed up to the talent level that the GM gave me.
FIU: Um, but weren't you the GM?
IT: Technically, but Mr. Dolan signs the checks.
FIU: Okay. Well, Mr. Thompson, I don't see anything here that would make this look like a good hire. I'm gonna have a hard time selling this to the board of regents. You seem to have failed at every job you've had since your playing career ended. In addition, I seem to remember some sort of a sexual harassment lawsuit against you and the Knicks. Convince me that you are the right coach to usher in a new era of basketball for Florida International.
IT: Well, the Knicks are still paying me. I'll work for free.
FIU: You're hired. I'll set up a press conference...

FIU = Failure Is Unavoidable

Mark "The Bird" Fidrych - RIP

2009-04-14T09:11:00.010-04:00

I was in the kitchen last night making pizza, when my wife turned the TV channel to the news. The first thing I heard was Katie Couric talking about Mark Fidrych. Uh oh. Then, the kicker: The Bird was dead at the age of 54. My mind immediately flashed back to the summer of 1976, when I was just ten years old. The Detroit Tigers were not very good that year. As a team, they won just 74 games, but the Michigan summer was electrified by the emergence of a young 21-year-old phenom by the name of Mark Fidrych. He pitched a complete game in his first start (a 2-hitter over the Indians), and believe it or not it got better and better throughout the summer. Not only did Fidrych have a great season statistically, but his quirky game day antics became a national phenomenon. On the mound, he would seemingly talk to the ball. Between innings, he would get down on his hands and knees and manicure the mound by hand until he got it just right. He was a lovable country redneck from rural Massachusetts. He was a breath of fresh air.

I have been a Tiger fan since my early childhood - as far back as my memory can take me. I remember going to Tiger stadium when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old with my dad. I remember seeing lots of different Tiger players in my formative years: Gates Brown, Joe Coleman, Willie Horton, Mickey Lolich, John Hiller, Ron LeFlore, Dick McCauliffe, Aurelio Rodriguez, Bill Freehan, Al Kaline, Mickey Stanley. But no one really captured my childhood imagination until Mark Fidrych. He was one of a kind. He had the kind of season that young pitchers dream of when they get drafted out of high school. He won 19 games versus 9 losses that season. He had 24 complete games out of 29 starts (for context, the major league leader in complete games this past season was CC Sabathia - he had ten). He had four shutouts. He started the All-Star Game for the AL. Reportedly, teams begged the Tigers to change their rotation to allow him to pitch certain games in their stadiums. Attendance at Tiger Stadium soared when Fidrych was pitching.

Unfortunately, he suffered a knee injury early in the 1977 season and was never the same again. He was on a similar pace with 7 complete games in 11 starts prior to his injury. After coming back from the knee problem, arm problems followed. He was out of the majors for good after the 1980 season.

After his baseball career was over, he owned a trucking company and just became a "regular guy." He seemingly never had any regrets about his shortened career, and he never expressed any bitterness. he was happy to have had the time he had. As Neil Young might say, "It's better to burn out than to fade away." Fidrych burned brighter than anyone in the summer of '76, and his flame was extinguished just as quickly.

"The Tale of Mark Fidrych" is probably one significant reason that teams are now so careful with pitchers. They monitor pitch counts. They monitor innings. They try to avoid extreme increases in innings pitched from year to year. If such care would have been taken with Fidrych, perhaps he would have had a more productive overall career. But it may have also robbed us of that one magical season, when a colorful character called "The Bird" let us fly with him.

"That ball has a hit in it, so I want to get back in the ball bag and goof around with the other balls in there. Maybe it'll learn some sense and come out as a pop-up next time." - Mark Fidrych (1976)

The Masters Lookalikes, Volume 2

2009-04-09T09:13:00.026-04:00

Well, it's that time of year again. April is an outstanding month for sports: MLB opening day, Final Four, NFL Draft, NCAA spring practice, and of course The Masters. I did this lookalike thing last year, and I enjoyed it, so let's have another go at it, shall we? I will not repeat any from last time, so if think of a good lookalike, check on the previous post and see if it was covered already:

Miguel Angel Jimenez - The Most Interesting Man In The World (Dos Equis TV commercials)

I think this one's more for his smoky voice and accent than it is for his actual looks. They both smoke cigars and travel the world. Stay thirsty, my friends...

Luke Donald - Soren Kjeldsen - actor Neil Patrick Harris
Could there be two golfers who look like Doogie Howser/Barney Stinson? Apparently there are at least two entered in The Masters this week. Each has a forehead that won't quit - more like a "five-head." Hey-o....

Larry Mize - UNC head coach Roy Williams
A former Masters champion, and a current NCAA champion...

Craig Stadler - a walrus

The main difference between these two - one has whiskers and a 6" thick layer of blubber to keep himself warm during the inactive winter months, and the other is a flippered marine mammal.

Soren Hansen - actor Paul Lieberstein (Toby Flenderson from "The Office")

Kevin Sutherland - actor Jack McBrayer (Kenneth from "30 Rock")
They both have an "aw shucks" quality.
"Gee Mr. Donaghy, I think you're the best boss ever."
"Gee Mr. Woods, you sure can putt real good?"

Carl Petterson - actor Larry Joe Campbell from "According to Jim"

Alvaro Quiros - actor Sacha Baron Cohen from "Borat"

Add your suggestions in the comments and I'll try to add as the day progresses.

Michigan Coaching Change

2009-04-01T11:30:00.003-04:00

Ann Arbor, MI -- In an unprecedented move, the University of Michigan Athletic Department has announced that they have terminated the contract of head football coach Rich Rodriguez after just one season on the job. Athletic Director Bill Martin stated that "the team was not progressing at a satisfactory pace," and that coach Rod's methods were not "Michigan-like" enough. Martin also cited the high rate of transfers out of the program since coach Rod took over, including presumed starters Sam McGuffie, Ryan Mallett, Steven Threet, Justin Boren, and Toney Clemens. He also noted that he had been contacted earlier this week by coach Bo Schembechler himself, who told him that he needed to find a new coach who didn't run some sort of newfangled fancy offense, and preferably one who is more surly with the media. Martin further explained that the coaching search will begin immediately. Martin is awaiting further instructions from Bo as to the potential candidates, but speculation is running rampant that candidates will include Lloyd Carr, Mike DeBord, Stan Parrish, Gary Moeller, Jerry Hanlon, Les Miles, Corwin Brown, Jim Harbaugh, Mike Trgovac, Jamie Morris, Mark Messner, and Todd Bowles. Bo is expected to re-appear in Martin's dreams in the next few days.

Updates will be reported on this site as news develops.

Random Thoughts and Links

2009-02-17T08:25:00.008-05:00

I don't really have a topic today, but I do have some random thoughts about some stuff:

- Steven Threet did the best with what his talent allowed him, but everyone knows he was not a good fit for the spread as RichRod likes to run it. The old style Michigan QB (a 6'-4" 230 lb "pro-style" QB) is a thing of the past. At best, Threet could have expected to start for a few games this coming season, but only until Forcier or Robinson got up to speed. He was a gamer, he played hurt, and despite his rather limited speed, he ran the ball when RichRod called for it. But in this offense, you have to either be a very good passer, a very good runner, or decent at both. He was not an accurate passer, and was too slow to make other teams respect the run. I still can't figure out how Wisco let him run 50 yards untouched near the end of that game. Anyway, I wish him well at his new school. He left without trashing the program, unlike some other ungrateful traitors *cough*Boren*cough*. Anyone out there who is reporting the Threet transfer as another nail in the Michigan coffin is way off base. Threet was a square peg who transferred into a situation where all the holes were square. When Carr resigned, the holes changed shape and became round, and the square Threet no longer fit. He recognized it and decided to move on. End of story.

- Delaware State? Really? Is that the best we could do to fill the schedule? Michigan's out-of-conference schedule is WMU, EMU, Delaware State, and Notre Dame. Ohio State has Navy, USC, Toledo, and New Mexico State. While that's not exactly a fantastic schedule, it's at least all Div. 1. Delaware State, unlike App State, is not even among the best teams in their conference (MEAC). In fact, they are not even the best team in Delaware. That distinction would go to Delaware University, which sports a familiar looking uniform. That would have been a novelty - having these two teams match up in the big house.

- Dear SI.com: you are making it very hard to read the articles about actual sports on your website. I visit the website, and Bar Refaeli is staring at me with that come hither look and those exquisite cans, barely restrained behind the minuscule amount of fabric that passes for a bathing suit. What is a fella to do? I'll tell you what I did. I went and took a gander at the bathing suits. Let me tell you, in case you had not noticed, Brooklyn Decker and Bar Refaeli are quite spongeworthy. How am I supposed to get any work done?

- "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" is one of the best shows on TV. Of course, being on FX, it's hard to find. Anyway, I just downloaded seasons 1-4 and it is absolutely hilarious. Each of the main characters is such a scumbag in his own way that it's almost endearing. It's like watching South Park, but each character is like Eric Cartman. They are completely devoid of any positive character traits. I have begun watching episodes on my Zune on the bus to and from work. Have I mentioned that I love my Zune? Well, I do.

- Buffalo is in the news again. What the hell? A beheading? If reminds me of my time in Trinidad. When I was there back in 1998, I started hearing about people being hacked to death. I thought it might be some sort of a Trini slang term, but it was just what it sounded like - people using machetes to kill people. Sheesh.

- Michael Phelps should get his own bong and smoke whatever he wants in the privacy of his own home, not in public, where practically everyone on earth has a camera phone. I think 8 gold medals is enough to earn him some time to relax. Whatever cretin took that photo and sold it to the British tabloid that published it should definitely watch his back, because Michael Phelps is a pretty big guy and is in pretty good shape and could probably severely punish you for doing what you did. Asshole.

Fun with Names - Super Bowl Edition

2009-01-27T10:00:00.003-05:00

Previously I had a good time poking fun at some unusual names in the SEC and the Big Ten, and even the Summer Olympics. It's Super Bowl time, and it's time to make fun of more names. The usual disclaimers apply, and these are meant for entertainment purposes only - even if they are only for my own entertainment...

Arizona Cardinals

- Calais Campbell - "You know what will make us sound sophisticated? Naming our kid after a French town. Paris? Nah, that's overused. How about Calais."
- Karlos Dansby - "Carlos" is just too pedestrian. How about "Karlos?" Ooooh, that's edgy.
- Early Doucet - He has a sister named Timely, and a brother named Tulate.

- Jerheme Urban - Odd spelling for the first name, and he might be the whitest looking man in the NFL.

Pittsburgh Steelers

- Orpheus Roye - Orpheus? Wasn't he in The Matrix. "You are the one, Neo."
- Marvel Smith - Short for Marvelous, I'm sure. And who wouldn't want their kid to be named Marvelous? Oh, you either?
- Limas Sweed - This one looks like an anagram to me. Sawed Limes? Sesame Wild? Sea Mildews? Ass Weed Mil?
- William Gay - You know how I know you're gay? It says "Gay" on your uniform!
- Willie Colon - You combine a Willie and a Colon, and that spells trouble. Hey-O!
- Mewelde Moore - His lesser known brothers are named Uwelde and Hewelde. Dad's name is Iwelde.
- Keyaron Fox - I think she's a sideline reporter on the Versus Network or something.
- Santonio Holmes - "Hey, why don't we name him after where he was conceived - the parking lot of the Alamodome in San Antonio? How about Alamodomelot? Too long? How about Santonio? All right, let's go with it."
- Jared Retkovsky - There's nothing particularly unusual about his name, but it should be noted that he was a furniture mover until he was signed in October to replace injured long snapper Greg Warren. From carrying a piano up to a third floor apartment, to jogging onto the field and throwing a ball between your legs eight times in a game: Upgrade!

Old Guy First Names
- Ralph Brown
- Bertrand Berry
- Clark Haggans
- Victor Hobson
- Lyle Sendlein
- Elliott Vallejo
- Gabe Watson
- Arnold Harrison
- Ike Taylor

Sounds like a fine group of fellows who get together every Tuesday night at the Senior Center for a game of dominoes or canasta: Ralph, Bert, Clark, Victor, Lyle, Elliott, Gabe, Arnie and Ike. Prune juices all around!

I'm sure I missed a few good ones. I am but one man. Leave more ideas in the comments if you'd like.

Inauguration Day Is Finally Here

2009-01-20T09:20:00.013-05:00

In case you haven't heard about it, today is inauguration day. The constitution says that the new President is to be sworn in by noon today. There are so many thoughts going through my head about the significance of this day. I thought I would just start writing a "stream of consciousness" type of a post, with my various thoughts, as if anyone cares. Some of this is gonna sound sappy, but whatever. It's a historic day:

- I have not seen so much national pride on display on a single day since 9-11-01. Obviously, the nation came together on 9-11 as a reaction to several despicable acts of cowardly terrorism, but today is much different. Today, it's because there is a genuine feeling of hope and brotherhood. Despite the fact that the global economy is in the crapper, Barack Obama obviously has the ability to inspire hope in people. Just look at the above picture of the National Mall in Washington, DC. Amazing. There are supposedly about 2 million people gathered on the Mall to witness this historic event.

- Even the most cynical among us must acknowledge that Obama has a unique ability to inspire people of all types. It's telling that there people traveling from foreign countries to attend the historic inauguration festivities.

- I acknowledge that the hope that Obama has inspired could partially be due to a feeling of desperation - a need to cling to something new and positive. Nevertheless, if desperation can lead to positive action, then I'm all for it. If desperation can lead to making the right decision, then embrace that desperation. If desperation can make you proud to be an American, gimme some of that desperation. I'm tired of being thought of as a smug, arrogant country due to the public image of our smug, arrogant President and Vice President. I want America to be great again, and not because we can lob bombs at people - but because people aspire to something more. I want to be a peacemaker, not a war-maker.

- During the election, and since the election, I have been considering why people would vote for a black man for President when they would not in the past. In addition to Obama's aforementioned ability to inspire, I think it's also partially due to the fact that he seems to be someone who is very different from past black candidates (of which there was only one of significance - Jesse Jackson). Jesse was from the older generation that was closely tied to the civil rights movement, and many people still associated him with that movement. Many older white people were still suspicious of that era of what they considered "black militants." Obama was born in 1961, so while he grew up during the sixties, he was not a participant in any of what suspicious white people might call militant activities.

- I can't remember what bands played at Bush's inaugural celebrations, but I'm guessing that the bands that are playing for Obama's inaugural parties are much better: Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Usher, U2, James Taylor, Beyonce, will.i.am, etc.

- We have finally broken from the pattern of electing an endless stream of old white guys to be president, despite the fact our country is one of the most multi-cultural and diverse in the world. What took us so long? It just took the right candidate. In fact, you could argue that Obama is the true picture of America. He's multi-ethnic (white mother, black father). He was raised by a divorced mother (around 50% of marriages end in divorce, according to some experts). He's admitted to using drugs in his younger years (like most of us, and unlike the last two Presidents, who danced around the subject).

- Does anyone else think it's curious how Israel and the Palestinians took the opportunity to escalate the situation in Gaza during the time after the election, but before the inauguration? They knew that they could pretty much do whatever they wanted during Bush's "lame duck" time. Not that he would have necessarily done anything anyway, but it just seemed like a fortuitous bit of timing. And now Israel has said that they will be out of Gaza by the time Obama is inaugurated. Hmmm.

- Despite the fawning coverage by the news media, not everyone is happy about the results of the election. Some of the quotes in that article are startling to me. Here's one that is particularly disturbing:

"I don't want the federal government to give away our individual rights. I don't want them to take over our business. I don't want them to take over our religion."

Are you kidding me? They are worried about the government giving away our individual rights after what Bush did with the Patriot Act? And this person somehow has gotten it into his head that the government will "take over our religion," despite the fact that Obama has never expressed any desire to do so, and the fact that the constitution expressly forbids it? You know - the First Amendment. Stuff like this just baffles me. I get the feeling that they're just worried about their guns.

- For the first time in a long time, I feel obligated to capitalize the word "President." Take that for what it's worth.

So there you have it. My thoughts. Leave yours in the comments it you choose. Or you can grumble to yourself about what an idiot I am, or nod your head in agreement. Either way, in the immortal words of Grace Slick at Woodstock:

It's a New Dawn...

Michigan - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2008-12-31T09:59:00.006-05:00

Well, I figured it's time for a "year in review" post focused on the state of Michigan. Needless to say, it has not been a great year for the state (full disclosure: I used to live in Michigan, but now live in Texas). Let's have a look a the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Good

College Football
The Wolverines obviously didn't have a good year, but three teams from the state got bowl invitations this year. WMU and CMU have already lost their bowl games, and MSU plays tomorrow. CMU, behind Rich Rodriguez protege Butch Jones, continues to have success in the MAC with Dan Lefevour at QB. In Kalamazoo, WMU coach Bill Cubit just signed a new 5-year extension after taking the Broncos to their second bowl game in four years. The Spartans continue their resurgence behind former Buckeye assistant Mark Dantonio, and will try to knock off the preseason number 1 team in the country, Georgia.

Medical Marijuana
In November, voters in Michigan approved a medical marijuana ballot measure. This is wonderful progress against the stigma of using whatever means necessary to help people with chronic illness and chronic pain deal with their maladies. It has proven medical value to relieve pain, nausea, and other symptoms caused by cancer, MS, AIDS and other diseases (or the drugs used to treat those diseases). If morphine and codeine, essentially medicinal forms of heroin, can be used to help alleviate pain and suffering, why not cannabis as well? As Peter Tosh says, "Legalize it, don't criticize it."

Calvin Johnson
Lions wide receiver Johnson was the only good thing in an otherwise dismal season. If he were playing on a team that had any semblance of an offense, he would have had well over 100 catches.

Red Wings
Oh yeah, the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup.

The Bad

Kwame Kilpatrick
The Mayor of Detroit finally bowed to pressure and resigned from office in September after years of scandal in his administration. Just look at that wikipedia page. There are eleven items under "controversies" and the majority of the article is related to them. I guess Kwame could fall under "good" since he's no longer the mayor, but his whole administration was in constant turmoil, so I'm filing it under "bad."

Michigan Football
After going to a bowl game for 33 consecutive years, Michigan slumped to a 3-9 record this year despite hiring a new coaching staff headed by Rich Rodriguez. The team was plagued by many problems, including the adjustment to the aforementioned new coaching staff, the installation of new offensive and defensive systems, the loss of ten of eleven starters on offense (including the top pick in the NFL draft and two other four year starters), way too many turnovers, and incompetent play at several positions - QB, Safety, Linebacker, O-Line. At this point, Michigan fans are divided in their feelings about the new administration. I am optimistic about the future of the program, as Coach Rodriguez has continued to recruit very good talent, and he is a proven winner in a BCS conference. But make no mistake about it - this was a very bad season. But at least the hoops team is ranked now.

The Ugly

The Detroit Lions
The Lions became the first team in NFL history to lose 16 games in a season. They were monumentally bad. They lost by an average score of 32-17. They lost only three of their games by less than a touchdown. Five different QBs took snaps during the season (Drew Henson had the distinction of being sacked more often than he threw a pass - three sacks, two pass attempts). They finished 30th in offense, and 32nd in defense. The defense intercepted four passes for the entire season. I could go on (and on and on...), but I think I'll just take a knee and head to the locker room. NOTE: The Lions were 4-0 in the preseason though.

The Detroit Tigers
Despite spending lavishly in the offseason, acquiring Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis, the Tigers sunk to last place in the AL Central - behind even the lowly Royals. They traded Pudge Rodriguez to the Yankees. Joel Zumaya got hurt again. Curtis Granderson was out for the first couple weeks of the year. They started 0-7 and never recovered.

The Economy
The unemployment rate in the state of Michigan in November was 9.6% - which is a 0.3% increase over the previous month, and a 2.2% increase over the previous year. The auto industry is begging Washington for a bailout. The big three are cutting production across the board. Chrysler is shutting down production at all of its North American plants for an entire month. The slowdown has affected all tiers of the supply chain as well. And that trickles down to all the people who provide goods and services to those people. Also, due to the mortgage crisis, Michigan is near the top in foreclosure rates. Like the section above about the Lions, I could probably go on, but I'll just take a knee again.

Keep your chin up, Michigan - 2009 has to be better, right?

Snake Oil Contributions

2008-11-25T10:36:00.006-05:00

Note: This was written right before the OSU game

Timing is everything. Here we were leading up to the most meaningless Michigan-OSU game in my lifetime and I get the envelope from our esteemed Athletic Director Bill Martin – the Preferred Seat Donation Form. Outstanding! What a great time to demand more money from the fans. (Note the excellent use of the euphemism “donation,” it infers some voluntary component in the process – there is nothing voluntary about the fee for the right to buy your season tickets). Bill’s letter closed with these inspiring words as we sat on the cusp of our first 9 loss season in the history of Michigan football: “Now more than ever, it is great to be a Michigan Wolverine.” Really, it is true. Read it for yourself here. Hmmmmm. If Bill thinks this is the best time ever to be a Wolverine, I really fear for our future.

But since this is a critical year and I know Bill and Mary Sue Coleman need our help, “now more than ever,” here are some ideas for the next solicitation letter:

· The Rich Rodriguez Contract Termination Fee Fund
For a modest $2.5 million you can help fund the Bill Martin brain trust that concocted the plan to lure our third choice for a coach away from the place where he had just signed a contract. Our friends in West Virginia need this money much more than we do. Let’s chip in and help them rebuild their program after the loss of their native son.

· The Rich Rodriguez Salary Contribution Fund
This recurring $2.5 million delivers terrific value for all friends of the Michigan Athletic Dept. Our average cost per win (excluding contract buyout provisions) is now only $833,000.

· The Weight Room Improvement Fund
This was a relative bargain at $1M+ and it has paid vast dividends already. Just look at the performance of our athletes in the second half of games this year - 1-6 after leading or tied at halftime. Stamina, endurance. And don’t forget an important byproduct of this investment was our trainer Mike Barwis and his world-renowned "prehab" regimen. This makes players less susceptible to injury and able to bounce back faster from injury. Isn’t it evident that this team suffered far fewer injuries than the Carr teams of yesteryear with that Neanderthal training regimen?

· Naming Opportunities
How about naming a column in our new stadium? Skybox and club seat sales are robust given the two exciting wins against Wisconsin and Miami the team notched at home this year. So why not just bypass those pedestrian luxury seats and really step up for the U, how about $10M+ and we will name a concourse or brick tower after you or your favorite trophy wife? We will throw in a luxury box in the end zone for free – we have a large inventory of those still unclaimed.

As you can see, contributions to these funds and others have already delivered great, immediate returns for the football program. We will concern ourselves with the secondary and meaningless stuff like funding scholarships and aid for needy students later. First things first, let's get our world-class coaching staff up and running, eh? They need all the support they can get.

Let’s hope we didn’t buy the most expensive batch of snake oil ever peddled and that 2009 brings a lot more success and maybe we can bring the average cost per win down to $193,000 with a little something leftover for scholarships and the like.

Go Blue!

Seinfeld Band Names

2008-11-21T08:22:00.006-05:00

Unlike most years, when the Michigan-Ohio State game would be the focus of a post on the Friday before the game, I have instead chosen to take my mind off what will probably be an ugly blowout. Instead of football, to take your mind off the impending disastrous 33-6 shellacking, how about some Seinfeld and music?

My wife and I were having a conversation a couple weeks ago about a band that named itself after something from a Seinfeld episode. The name of the band: Jerkstore. Brilliant. They're apparently a heavy metal (or "nu metal," whatever that is) band. Anyway, I thought this would make a great blog topic. So if you are a band in search of a good pop culture name that will catch the attention of potential fans, here are some ideas for "Band Names Derived from Seinfeld Episodes."

1. Mulva
This would have to be some sort of hard rock girl band - think Sleater-Kinney or Hole. Band members could even take on aliases like Delores, Bovary, Celeste, and Regina.

2. The Van Buren Boys
I think this would have to be a progressive bluegrass combo. They would be very popular at summer festivals and in small clubs throughout the country - think Leftover Salmon, Yonder Mountain String Band, or The Gourds. Instead of flashing the peace sign or the heavy metal "devil horns" sign, fans of the band would show eight fingers during the twelve minute mandolin and fiddle solos.

3. The Re-Gifters
I think these guys would have to be a cover band, perhaps playing covers of contemporary homogeneous pop noise like Nickelback, Daughtry, and Creed. They're probably playing at a bar near you this weekend.

4. Poison Envelopes
This band would have to be emo or goth. They wear black clothing, black eyeliner, their instruments are black, and their music is completely depressing. Their fans cut themselves or burn themselves with cigarettes and read Sylvia Plath and the Anarchists Cookbook for fun.

5. Izzy and The Mandelbaums
This would have to be a klezmer band. They play bar mitzvahs, Jewish weddings, and they'll even play at your son's bris. Their hit song would have to be titled "You Think You're Better Than Me?" Which brings us to our next band name...

6. Shakey the Mohel
Punk rock. Loud. Think Sex Pistols - only more Jewish. The sight of Hasidim slamming in the mosh pit is something to behold. Beards, hats, and sideburns would be flying everywhere.

7. Spongeworthy
This would have to be kind of a novelty jam band. Maybe kinda like Ween or Phish. Lots of good jamming, but with some quirky lyrics. Fans would be called "Spongeheads" and might even fashion some hats out of sponges, kinda like Green Bay Packer fans with their cheese heads. Oh yeah, and they smoke a lot of weed.

Any more suggestions?

NCCA Hoops

2008-11-13T07:44:00.008-05:00

I guess it's never too early for a NCAA tournament bracket. Wait, maybe it is. ESPN's Joe Lunardi already has fabricated a tournament bracket - it's March Madness in November! I'm not sure if they had previously come out this early in the year with a bracket, but here it is. As strange as it is to see a bracket out so early in the season, it's even stranger to see some of the comments from the readers. Some of the espn.com readers are really taking this seriously. Here are some examples, but you can peruse them from the link too.

JMoist21 (11/12/2008 at 12:00 PM)
Wisconsin as a 2 seed??? Michigan State AND Purdue are better than Wisky by a landslide. Do you do any research Joe, or do you just pull names out of a hat? Terrible.

Not only is JMoist21 upset that Wisconsin is a 2 seed ahead of MSU and Purdue, but has the stones to say the they are both better than Wisconsin "by a landslide." Wow. Perhaps he knows more about Big Ten hoops than I do. In fact, he probably does. But making hyperbolic statements like that before the season seems to me to be - oh, I don't know - the dumbest thing in the world - by a landslide.

NWarsh23 (11/12/2008 at 12:26 PM)
Wisconsin is not even the best team in their state, Marquette is clearly better and it is not even close, but yet Marquette is a 5 and Wisconsin is a 2, now that is a joke

This guy is certain that Marquette is "clearly better" than the Badgers and that it's "not even close" before he has seen either team play a game. Hmm. Perhaps these guys should be working for ESPN. Look, I'm not a fan of the Badgers, but it seems to me that Wisconsin is consistently pretty damn good. Coach Bo Ryan has taken them to the elite 8 once and the sweet 16 twice in his seven years as head coach. I have no idea whether or not they (or the other teams mentioned by these two clowns) are going to be good this year but considering their track record, it seems foolish to me to totally discount the possibility that they might be better than Marquette or MSU or Purdue. Of course, I suppose it's no more foolish than having a bracket in November in the first place....

2008 Election - Five Stages of Grief

2008-11-12T14:48:00.009-05:00

Well, the 2008 election is finally over and I for one could not be happier with the result. Plus, the campaign coverage was getting tiresome and monotonous. Living in Texas, I am surrounded on all sides by McCain supporters - at work, in my 'hood, everywhere. There is definitely a palpable anger that many people have toward our new president, and I can't say I blame them because I was the same way in 2000 and 2004. Right now, McCainiacs are going thru the standard five stages of grief that are characteristic of any person dealing with a loss:

Stage 1 - Denial:
"I can't believe it. How could this have happened? How could we have elected a commie terrorist sympathizer?" I think even the most ardent McCain supporters probably cruised right thru this stage pretty quickly. After all, it was a pretty resounding victory for Senator Obama. if you were in denial at all, a quick look at the election returns should have cured you of that rather quickly. It happened - so move on to stage two already...

Stage 2- Anger:
"NO! NO! How can you accept this?" This one may linger for a lot of people. As much as we may like to think that as a nation we have risen above the days of bigotry racial discrimination, ask any minority and they'll tell you differently. But there are a lot of people who are angry about the election results, and not just for racial reasons. Many people think that their taxes are going to go up, that our military will become soft, that other countries are just waiting to attack us now that the Republicans are out of office, they're gonna take my guns away (gun sales have skyrocketed since the election), etc. Some people might be stuck in stage 2 for the duration of Obama's presidency. I know Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter were stuck there for the entirety of the Clinton Adminstrations. For the rest of you, just move on stage 3...

Stage 3 - Bargaining:
"Maybe this will be good for the country afterall. We were guided thru our country's most serious economic downturn by a Democrat. And it's great to see a black man elected to the presidency." After you have gotten over your anger, try to find something to grab onto. If you wish, you can focus on the insprational story of a mixed race man being raised by a single mother and his maternal grandparents to become the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, and then go on to ascend to the office of the President of the USA. Isn't that the American dream? Certainly much moreso than GW Bush's rise to power: born into wealth, born into political entitlement, stumbled to the presidency with dubious electoral victory in Florida. After you are able to be inspired by the wonder of Obama's accomplishment and his strength of character, you may want to move on to stage 4...

Stage 4 - Depression:
"Man, this terrorist socialist is actually gonna be POTUS? I wonder what no-good leech on society my tax dollars are going to support now." Well, pretty much the same same leeches your tax dollars currently support. Only now you'll be subsidizing their meth habits and lottery tickets with even more of your tax dollars! Jesus - why don't we all just stock up on ammo, move to the storm cellar, and wait for the end of the world. Or you can move to stage 5...

Stage 5 - Acceptance:
"It's going to be OK." It may take a while for most of you McCain supporters to get to this point. Some of you might never get there. I eventually got there with GWB as President. It definitely took a while though. Every time he opened his mouth and made one his famously stupid proclamations or verbal gaffes, I would slide back to stage 4. At my place of employment, within shouting distance of my desk, there are people in all five stages at this point in time. One of the more pragmatic of those guys has already made it to stage five. I applaud his practical approach. If you find yourself stuck in any of these five stages, step back, take a deep breath, and move on. John McCain already has...

I'm Billy Mumphrey

2008-10-28T08:21:00.008-04:00

"You see Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue."

- Kosmo Kramer (The Assman)

Okay, today I'm Billy Mumphrey. But I'm ready to admit that Michigan's football season is a lost cause. Although I am still convinced that this is just a bad season, and not a sign of bad things to come in the future, some others are not so sure. In my season-long quest to convince myself and others that this season is a transitional one, and does not necessarily mean doom for the Michigan football program, I thought I'd explore some other relatively recent transitions to new ways of doing things. Many teams/products have tried new formulas throughout the years, with mixed results. Let's examine some of those, shall we:

New Coke
The geniuses at Coca Cola decided in 1985 that their product was not dominant enough in the cola marketplace - their market share had dipped from 60% just after WWII to 24% because of the emergence of Pepsi. Coke's response was to come up with a new formulation for their cola that tasted more like the sweeter tasting Pepsi Cola. To make a long story short, New Coke (or Coke II) was such a failure that Coca Cola brought back the original formulation as "Classic Coke" just 77 days later and New Coke was ultimately phased out altogether by 1992. This failed marketing ploy is the standard by which all failed marketing ploys are judged - kinda like the "Watergate" of stupid marketing ideas.

Nebraska Football
Obviously this is a closer parallel to the Michigan football situation. Tom Osborne retired after the 1997 season (after sharing the 1997 national championship with Michigan), and his handpicked successor Frank Solich took over the program. In Osborne's 25 seasons at the helm, the Nebraska program had finished the season out of the top ten just four times. Solich coached the team from 1998 thru 2003, when he was fired despite winning nearly 75% of his games. Then, Nebraska inexplicably hired Bill Callahan, who had recently been fired from his position as head coach of the Oakland Raiders. The Huskers changed from a power running I-formation offense to a "west coast" style offense - with disastrous results. The Huskers fired the AD responsible for the hire, then hired Tom Osborne as AD - who then fired Callahan. Nebraska is still recovering from this. This comparison should strike some fear on the hearts of Michigan fans everywhere, but there are as many differences as similarities - so don't panic too much. Because...

Oklahoma Football
Another close parallel to Michigan football. The Sooners broke from the successful Switzer era (successful early, but struggled later) by hiring Bob Stoops in 1999. Stoops previously had been the defensive coordinator at Florida. The season before his arrival, the Sooners were 5-6, despite the superior talent accumulated by head coach John Blake's stellar recruiting. Stoops was 7-5 his first season in Norman - a season in which they used the spread offense for the first time, let by a JC transfer QB. They won the BCS championship in 2000 - just Stoops' second year on the job. Oklahoma has consistently been near the top of the rankings ever since.

Bush Administration
Despite his re-election in 2004, things were not going well with the Bush Administration in 2005 and 2006. During 2005-06, Bush changed out most of his cabinet. Gone were Sec. of State Colin Powell, Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Attorney General John Ashcroft, Chief of Staff Andrew Card, Interior Sec. Gale Norton, Sec. of Energy Spencer Abraham, and Sec of Homeland Security Tom Ridge (among others). However, the results were largely the same. The President has one of the lowest approval ratings in the history of approval ratings. Whatever it means, the success or failure of this midstream re-structuring of the cabinet will essentially be judged by the voters on a couple weeks. Election of McCain will be an endorsement of Bush policies, and election of Obama will be a repudiation of same. Barring an upset, it looks like it was a failure. Personally, I think the entire 8-year term was a failure, but perhaps that's a post for another day.

American Idol
While the essential format of American Idol has remained constant - marginally talented karaoke singers judged by three panelists of varying degrees of qualifications to judge anyone - the first year of the program featured two hosts: Ryan Seacrest and Brian Dunkleman (nice hair, dude). After the first season, Dunkleman was jettisoned and Seacrest was left as the only remaining host. Whether or not it was because of the newly formatted hosting arrangement, the show's ratings have been consistently high - routinely 50% higher than the ratings in season one - and Seacrest is a ubiquitous presence on television. Regardless of whether you like this show or not - and I do not - this has to be viewed as a good decision. In addition, many of the shows that are rip-offs of American Idol have the same format - single host, three judges: America's Got Talent, Nashville Star, etc.

Windows Vista
I have Vista on my home computer, and I haven't had any major problems with it, but I am not doing anything fancy on my home computer - Microsoft Office, torrents, internet browsing, blogging, watching porn, downloading pics of celebrity nipple slips, etc. But there are lots of whiners out there are complaining for various reasons. But there are also some positive reviews, mostly from gamers. I'm not computer savvy enough to know what the issues are, but I do know that the switchover from XP to Vista was insignificant from my standpoint. I think the jury's still out on this one.

After forty years of success under the guidance of Bo Schembechler and his former assistants Gary Moeller and Lloyd Carr, AD Bill Martin went "outside the family" to hire Rich Rodriguez from West Virginia. Not only did Martin hire an outsider, but one with an entirely different offensive philosophy. Coach Rodriguez is one of the creators of the spread offense that is used throughout the country with great success (nine of the top ten offenses in the country run a version of the spread). The good news is that West Virginia went 3-8 his first season, and 9-4 his second season. Then he went on a streak of four conference titles in five years. And the year WVU did not win the conference title, they finished second. The bad news is that it was the Big East.

The last time Michigan hired an outsider, they hired a little known assistant coach named Bo. That worked out pretty well. How will this one turn out? I'm hoping it's more like Oklahoma rather than more like Nebraska or Coke II. Stay tuned...

Mumphrey.....out

Michigan-Michigan State

2008-10-24T08:28:00.006-04:00

While I am optimistic about the future of the Michigan football program, I must admit at present it's a little depressing to be an underdog to our "little brothers" at home. It's kinda embarrassing to be hoping for an upset of Michigan State at home to save our season. If the Spartans are going to beat the Wolverines, this is the year to get it done, because RichRod's squad is only going to get better over the next few years. Here are some arguments why Michigan can win this game - and some Sparty counter-arguments:

Michigan State is one dimensional on offense...
So far this year the Spartans have rushed for 160 yards per game (and remember - college football counts sacks as negative rushing yards). Javon Ringer is a stud, but that's the extent of MSU's offense. QB Brian Hoyer is completing less than 50% of his passes this year - not good. If Michigan commits to stopping the run by putting Brandon Harrison up on the line of scrimmage (and I'll start throwing stuff at my TV if they don't), Hoyer is probably not capable of beating them with his arm.

...but that one dimension is pretty damn good
Ringer already has 1179 yards on the season, and already has more carries than all of last year. He's a workhorse and, like legendary Mike Hart, he does not fumble. Michigan's defense has proven to be less than stout against the run, despite the fact that their strongest unit (in theory anyway) is their defensive line. The problem is the linebackers and the safeties are bad. The Spartans could exploit this.

Michigan's offense is coming around...
In the first half of the Penn State game, here is a summary of the Wolverines' first three drives: 86-yard TD drive, a 49-yard FG drive, and a 78-yard TD drive. They had 253 yards in the first half against the Nittany Lions, who have a pretty good defense. Minor and Threet ran the ball well, passes were on target, and there were no turnovers. As long as Threet is in the game (and the offense doesn't give the ball away) the Michigan offense is competent, and borders on being good. Note to RichRod: Let Threet play the whole game.

...but Nick Sheridan
Yeah, I know. For some reason, Coach Rod insists on running Sheridan out there time and time again when Threet doesn't appear to have any sort of injury and Sheridan doesn't appear to have any sort of talent. If Sheridan plays at all, that is a bad sign. God bless the kid, because he's out there giving it his best, but the offense becomes stagnant (or just plain bad) when he's in there. The defense doesn't have to play for the pass at all, and there is no running room with 8 guys on the line of scrimmage. The Michigan offense becomes more one dimensional than the Sparty offense, except they don't have a stud like Ringer to fall back on. If Sheridan takes off the headphones and puts a helmet on, Spartan fans should rejoice and start ordering celebratory shots.

Brian Hoyer may not play...
Starting QB Hoyer is listed as questionable (covers.com lists him as "questionable - Head" - an assessment that many Spartan fans might agree with). As shown above, backup QBs are a scary proposition for the offense. Many times it leads to narrowing the number of plays that the offense is going to call, making the job of the defense easier. The backup is a freshman. Even if Hoyer starts, after a head injury in the OSU game, one hit from Brandon Graham could send him to the sidelines asking for a popsicle and his blankie.

...but Brian Hoyer sucks
I'm not sure why Spartan fans would not be excited about the possibility of getting someone else in there to run the offense. After all, Ringer's gonna get 40 carries anyway, so does it really matter who's going to hand him the ball? Why not replace the QB with a fullback and just snap the ball directly to Ringer?

The Spartans haven't won in Ann Arbor since 1990. They have to be pointing to this game as an opportunity, not only for a big win, but to impress the recruits that are going to be on their own sideline and also the opposite sideline - both physically and metaphorically.

Prediction:
I think the Wolverine offense has turned the corner. They seem to have good balance and have the talent to make plays - as long as Threet is playing. Brandon Minor adds power to a previously "soft" running game. The defense has to start making plays, and the turnovers have to stop. If Threet plays the whole game: Michigan 27, MSU 24. If Sheridan plays more than one token series: Michigan 17, MSU 27. Enjoy the game and as always:

Go Blue!

Michigan Football and the 2008 Election

2008-10-16T09:46:00.004-04:00

I got to ponderin' this morning, and I came up with an infallible and irrefutable theory. I decided that your opinion on the fortunes of Michigan football probably mirrors your opinions on the upcoming presidential election. Here is how I see it:

1. The Future is Bright
This is the group of Michigan fans that, despite their struggles so far this year, believes that the Rich Rodriguez hiring was the right one and the program will flourish under the new coach. Essentially, these are the hopeful optimists who are confident that the spread offense is the offense that will take us into the next great era of Michigan football. These people have observed how the game has changed, and how "three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust" just doesn't cut it anymore. The traditionalists think that these people are naive idiots, and that we are being led down a path to ultimate destruction - as if not making a bowl game one year is some sort of apocalyptic event.

This group consists mainly of Obama supporters. Supporters of Obama are more prone to embrace change, and are tired of the "same-old same-old" of tired Bush policies that McCain offers. But the supporters of Obama don't just want change for change's sake. They truly believe that Obama is a leader who can take us thru the current turbulent economic times and rid ourselves of the Iraq war anchor that is hanging around our neck. Traditionalists think that these people are naive idiots and that Obama is all flash and no substance, and that he's a Muslim pinko terrorist sympathizer - as if talking to world leaders we don't agree with is some sort of traitorous betrayal to freedom loving patriots everywhere.

2. Oh My God, What Have We Done
This is the group of Michigan fans that wanted Michigan to hire a coach with a more "traditional" offensive philosophy; i.e., more like Lloyd and Bo. This group would probably include the guys who already have started the Fire Rich Rodriguez website. There is panic in the air. These guys want to dump Rodriguez now and think that we can still get Les Miles, despite the fact that he already had a chance to come here if he really wanted to, and chose not to. These are also probably the people who are floating the rumor that Rich Rod is talking to Clemson about their head coaching position. They point to all the perceived mistakes and shortcomings of the coach - he can't recruit like Lloyd, he talks to the media more than Lloyd, his offensive system has failed to adapt to the existing talent, etc. They think that Kirk Ferentz is a "maverick." The people from group (1) above think that these people are stodgy old out-of-touch buzzkills, and that hiring a coach with a more "Lloyd-like" offense would have been a huge mistake.

This group consists mainly of McCain supporters who are reluctant to embrace change and feel that the war is a good idea and is totally justified in the age of global terrorism. These people believe that leaving Iraq before being able to declare some sort of "victory" is tantamount to surrender. These people are also convinced that in these troubled and turbulent economic times, they want a president who won't do anything different than the previous administration. Change is something these people can't handle. They think that John McCain is a "maverick." The people from group (1) above think that McCain is a stodgy old out-of-touch rich man, and that electing someone who would perpetuate Bush's failed policies would be a huge mistake.

3. Oh My God, This is Horrible - But I'm Hopeful...
This is the group of Michigan fans that is taking the "wait-and-see" approach to the new coach. They can see how we needed to modernize the offense, bring the conditioning program into the 21st century, and get some new blood in the program. On the other hand, they are also leery of outsiders, and wonder why we couldn't have hired a "Michigan man" instead of some guy from West Virginia. These people are straddling the line on RichRod, and are ready to jump to either side if something happens. Win over PSU this weekend - "I'm starting to warm up to this guy." Loss to Minnesota later in the year - "I'm not so sure about this coach." The people from groups (1) and (2) think these guys are mamby-pamby dispassionate non-fans who can't make up their minds.

This group consists of the "undecided" voters. I'm not sure what these people are waiting for. They can see both sides on every issue, and have some opinions in common with each candidate - "I like Obama's plan to get out of Iraq, but I'm pro-life." You've got 19 days left - make up your mind. They watch the debates trying to find something to cling to, and read all the spam e-mails that falsely claim that Obama is a Muslim and McCain has cancer and is about to die. The people from groups (1) and (2) think these people are mamby-pamby dispassionate boneheads who can't make up their minds.

So, there you have it. Where do you fall in the spectrum? If you're a Michigan fan, please weigh in. I'm a man of science. I want to attempt to prove or disprove my theory. From this post and previous posts, I'm sure you can guess into which group I fall...

Michigan Football - Improvement

2008-10-15T08:22:00.007-04:00

Well, since I already talked about the obvious things that are wrong with Michigan football, I thought I'd weigh in with some equally obvious opinions on what I think needs to be done in the second half of the 2008 season to set up the Wolverines for a successful 2009 season. Please note: I am an expert, and my opinions are unassailable.

1. Don't play Nick Sheridan any more unless Threet is hurt.
Next year's opening day starter, believe it or not, will probably be Steven Threet. The alternatives are incoming freshmen, and odds are that they'll be sitting to start the year. Playing Sheridan at all is just a waste of time. Threet has to get as many reps as he can at QB. This offense needs an experienced QB who can read defenses in order to decide whether or not to hand the ball off, keep the ball, etc. Since he's gonna be the starter next year, play Threet every possible snap.

2. Fix the offensive line.
The blocking is atrocious. Use the second half of the season to get the top five (or seven, or eight) as many snaps as they can. As long as they stay away from injuries, the O-line should improve with more experience. Incidentally, this observation is number one on the all-time list of most obvious observations of all-time. Please congratulate me on my keen sense for the obvious.

3. Turnovers
If the Wolverines can cut their turnovers in half for the last half of the season, it should be seen as a victory. I'm not sure how you can coach a team on how to hold onto the ball, but if there's any way to have Mike Hart give these guys some advice, he should be consulted. Stop dropping the friggin ball on the ground. Since he handles the ball on every snap, Threet needs to take special care of the pigskin in order for the team to have any success. Also, stress the importance of creating turnovers on defense.

4. DEEE-FENSE!
Since the offense is obviously struggling, perhaps the defense should get more aggressive and take some more chances. Use Mouton as a pass rusher like Crable. Blitz the safeties more. Whatever. It's increasingly apparent that the offense is not going to be able to put up huge numbers this year, so challenge the defense to step up and create turnovers by attacking the opposition with more funky stuff. And tackle better. The defensive line was supposed to be the strength of the defense, and other than Graham they have been pretty quiet.

5. Rotate the safeties
It's becoming more and more apparent as the season goes on that safety is a position of weakness on this team. It's time to sit fifth year senior Charles Stewart and get some of the other guys in there to get more experience. The safeties are like the QB of the defensive backfield, and they need snaps to get experience: Williams, Chambers, Smith, Floyd - hell, put a CB back there if he can tackle (Woolfolk, Cissoko, etc).

6. Play baseball
Treat the last half of the season like a MLB team that is out of the pennant race. Instead of playing veterans who won't be here next year or don't figure to play much next year, play the young guys and give them a chance to see what they can do. I am by no means suggesting that they give up on the season and play all freshmen. On the contrary, perhaps this season can be saved if the coaching staff can get some of the young guys some more snaps. And I'm not talking about all freshmen all the time. We're already using a fair share of youngsters, but I'm talking about playing select underclassmen who Coach Rodriguez and his staff know they will need contributions from next year.

I think the key things we need to look for the rest of the season are "improvement" and "experience" from almost all areas of the team, except of course Zoltan, who's already the most awesome thing about this team (and if that, my friends, is not an apt microcosm of the season, I don't know what is). Any further suggestions? I'm certain Coach Rodriguez reads this blog regularly and will take any advice that we give him.

Go Blue!

NOTE: I apologize for my excessive use of the word "obvious" throughout this blog entry. Please forgive me, but I am obviously unable to use a thesaurus.

Michigan Football - Midterm Analysis

2008-10-13T10:17:00.006-04:00

Well, so far this blog has been suspiciously silent on the ongoing debacle that is the 2008 Michigan Football program (a couple work trips and the painful reality of the season have gotten in the way). So I guess it's about time we addressed it, as difficult as it might be. I was on record saying the team would win nine games this year, and that prediction is already shot. The ineptitude is astounding. There are a lot of reasons for the poor results:

1. QB
This is the most obvious, as the QB is the most visible player on the field. Threet has been decent at times, and has even shown that he's capable of running the ball on occasions where it's needed. However, he makes bad decisions, is inaccurate throwing the ball, and has shown a propensity for fumbling. At least twice already this season, Threet has fumbled the ball while just cocking his arm to make a throw. His backup and nominal "co-starter" for the first couple games, Nick Sheridan, has shown nothing to make anyone wonder why he was a walk-on. Michigan's pass offense is 102nd in the nation (108th in pass efficiency). Sheesh.

2. Offensive line
The O-line has one returning starter from last year. The blocking has been downright dreadful. They have been unable to open significant holes for the running game, and have not shown any consistency in their pass blocking. Sheesh.

3. Safeties
There have been several big plays that could have been averted if only the safeties had taken a better angle on the play. Both Steve Brown and Charles Stewart have been atrocious at times. Brandon Harrison has been pretty good, but he's had his share of miscues as well.

4. Hold on to the damn ball!
In just six games, the Wolverines have fumbled 20 times already, and lost 11 of those. As a comparison, for the 13-game 2007 season, Michigan fumbled 29 times and lost just 13. Although time of possession is somewhat of a misleading stat overall, it's indicative of turnover impact and offensive ineptitude. Michigan is averaging just 26 minutes of possession this year. Michigan is 114th in the country in turnover margin. Sheesh.

5. Coaching
Okay, I'll admit the coaching has been lacking so far, but I'm gonna revisit this topic later, so don't panic. I place a lot of the blame for the shoddy tackling and the poor blocking on the shoulders of the coaching staff. While I understand that it's a new staff, a new system, yadda yadda yadda, I still expected the talent on the team to be able to adjust to the new schemes with not a whole lot of drop-off. I was wrong. Perhaps the talent level is lower than I thought.

So, at the risk of sounding like a total homer, I'd like to say a few words about what I think are the positives about the season as we hit the season's midpoint.

1. Sam McGuffie
Despite the lack of blocking by the O-line, McGuffie has managed to eke out some good gains on a regular basis. In addition, he's shown that he is capable of being a good receiver out of the backfield. And he does not fumble often, unlike Minor and Grady.

2. Martavious Odoms
When he gets the ball, it feels like he can go all the way. He's lightning quick and has good hands. Unfortunately, too many times the ball is thrown inaccurately or his blockers whiff and he's hung out to dry. He has a chance to be a great one.

3. Zoltan
Okay, I'm reaching here, but Zoltan has been spectacular. The punt team is second in the nation in net punting average. Zoltan is the man.

Here's what I'm hanging my hat on: I have confidence in the system. Despite the shortcomings of this year's team, I don't think the spread offense is to blame. Lot's of teams run the spread, and most of them copied it from RichRod. Did anyone catch the Okla-Texas game last weekend? Oklahoma runs the spread offense, and theirs works because they have a great QB and their linemen can block. I think that once we get a good QB to Ann Arbor (hopefully next year with Forcier and Beaver on the way) and the linemen learn how to block, the offense will start to click.

In this age of instant analysis and feedback and blogs, don't fall into the trap of giving up on the team and the new staff just because of a slow start. I think it's too early to panic and bail out on the system because the players are unable to execute it. I think we have a good coaching staff that needs more time to teach the new offensive and defensive systems to the players. Once they have more experience under their belt, I think the offense will flourish. This year is gonna be painful though. It's already surpassed what I thought the pain level would be for this season. I was not anticipating this. Anyway, as always...

Go Blue!

Know Your Foe - Wisconsin

2008-09-26T00:01:00.003-04:00

This Saturday marks the beginning of the Big Ten season. The Wolverines play host to Wisconsin this week. Michigan had two weeks to bounce back from a sloppy loss to Notre Dame. I was unable (fortunately or unfortunately - you make the call) to see the game due to hurricane issues down here in Texas. So far this season, Wisconsin has three victories over "mid-majors," including an impressive road victory over perennial giant-killer Fresno State. Likewise, this is Michigan's first game this season against a ranked opponent.

With that, I give you this week's installment of "Know Your Foe."

History
The University of Wisconsin is a public University that was established in 1848. The Madison campus is known for several things, including the liberal activism and hard partying ways of its students. In fact, in the May 2006 issue of Playboy, Wisconsin was named the #1 party school in the country. I remember I bought that issue just so I could read that article - really, the articles are great.

Location
Madison, Wisconsin. The campus is located about a mile from the state capitol building. From all accounts I have read, it is considered a beautiful campus, and Madison often is found in the "nicest places to live" lists put out by various publications. The home football games are played at Camp Randall Stadium, which has a capacity of just over 80,000.

Nickname
The nickname "Badgers" was borrowed from the state of Wisconsin. The territory was dubbed the "Badger State," not because of animals in the region, but rather because of an association with lead miners. In the 1820s and 1830s, prospectors came to the state looking for minerals, and without shelter in the winter, the miners had to "live like badgers" in tunnels burrowed into hillsides. The badger and the wolverine are actually part of the same family of carvinorous mammals known as Mustelidae. The family also includes weasels and ferrets.

Colors/Logo/Fight Song
The official colors are "cardinal and white." Just call it "red," will ya? The logo is kind of a stylized block W. I think it's called the "Motion W" and the university sued some high schools whose logos looked too much like the Badgers' logo. It seems to me to be a little bit petty, since afterall, it's really just a font? Can you trademark a font?

The fight song is a pretty good one, but it's obviously centered around football. Do they sing this during basketball games?

On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, plunge right through that line.
Run the ball clear down the field, a touchdown sure this time.
On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, fight on for her fame.
Fight, fellows, fight, fight, fight, we'll win this game.

On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, stand up Badgers sing.
"Forward" is our driving spirit, loyal voices ring.
On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, raise her glowing flame.
Stand, fellows, let us now salute her name.

However, what I remember most about this fight song is its use in some sort of ad campaign for cheese back in the 80s. It used the same tune, but the lyrics were something like "On Wisconsin, on your taco, on your cordon bleu, on your *something*, on your *something*, the taste is good for you." The use of their fight song in a cheesy cheese ad for cheese automatically downgrades it.

Mascot
Bucky the Badger is one of the more recognizable mascots in the country. I particularly like the 20s style striped sweater that badgers have been known to wear in nature for thousands of years.

Academics
According to US News and World Reports, Wisconsin (Madison) ranks a respectable 35th, on par with the likes of Georgia Tech, Lehigh, UC-San Diego, and Rochester (Michigan ranks 26th). The University is a leader in stem cell research, and is one of thirty "sea grant colleges" in the US. These colleges are involved (which include UofM and MSU, among others) in scientific research, education, training, and extension projects geared toward the conservation and practical use of U.S. coasts, the Great Lakes and other marine areas.

Athletics
Barry Alvarez put the Badgers back on the football map when he took over in 1990. His first season, they were 1-10. With the exception of 2001, Wisconsin has been to a bowl game every year since 1996. In 1998 and 1998, the Badgers finished in the top five in the country for the year. Bret Bielema took over the head coaching duties for the 2006 season, and has continued the success. Wisco's men's basketball program has also become a consistently successful one. They have made the NCAA tournament the last nine years, including one final four. The men's and women's hockey teams each won national championships in 2006. Also, the men's and women's rowing teams have won 27 non-NCAA titles (whatever that means) between 1990 and 2006.

Famous Alums
This is a pretty good list, but lacks true "star power." The list includes lots of football and hockey players. Among the more interesting alums are major league baseball commissioner and former owner of the Milwaukee Brewers Bud Selig, Second Lady Lynne Cheney, musician Steve Miller, actress Jane Kaczmarek (Malcolm In The Middle), aviation pioneer Charles Lindbergh, broadcaster Greta Van Susteren, ESPN basketball writer Andy Katz, Democratic Senator and owner of the Milwaukee Bucks Herb Kohl, Sierra Club founder John Muir, and movie producers Jerry and David Zucker, who were responsible for producing and directing what might be the single funniest movie of my childhood, the 1980 classic "Airplane!" Surely, everyone is familiar with that movie. "I am familiar with it. And don't call me Shirley."

The Game
Despite the fact that the Wolverines' first three games have been uninspiring (to say the least), I have a good feeling about this game. The Badgers' style is pretty straightforward. They will run PJ Hill until he collapses from exhaustion. Fortunately for Michigan, their strength is the defensive line. Unfortunately for Michigan, the linebackers have been inconsistent. If the defense is able to control the Wisco running game, there is a good chance that Michigan comes out of this game with a victory. If Hill runs for less than 50 yards, it means that they have pretty well controlled the line of scrimmage. If he runs for over 120, that's a bad sign. On the other side of the ball, if Michigan can get competent play from their QB this week, they have a chance. For that to happen, the the big fellas on the offensive line have to play a lot better, and the little fellas have to hang onto the ball. Call me crazy, but if Fresno State can hold Wisco to 13 points, Michigan should be able to do the same. The question is whether or not the offense can generate any points. There was significant improvements offensively against the Irish (except for those pesky fumbles), but the Badgers are a lot better then ND. I say the offense gets some footing and is able to run the ball against the Badgers defense. The home field is the key here, and the Wolverines win their Big Ten opener: Michigan 21, Wisconsin 13.

Go Blue!

Know Your Foe - Notre Dame

2008-09-12T00:00:00.013-04:00

In week 2, we saw Rich Rodriguez's first victory as Michigan coach. It was an ugly, close victory against a MAC team, but it's still a win. This week's opponent is a familiar one - The University of Notre Dame. The Irish looked pretty unimpressive themselves in pulling out a close victory at home over a San Diego State team that lost in week one to Cal Poly. The game this weekend is between the two winningest programs in college football history. However, this year's matchup does not have the luster of years past. It's got all the excitement of a MAC school taking on a Sun Belt school. So, bring on Troy vs. Eastern Michigan. With that, I give you this week's installment of "Know Your Foe."

History
The University of Notre Dame is a private school that was founded by a Catholic Priest (who may or may not have been a pedophile) as an all-male institution in 1842. Currently, it's organized into five colleges and one professional school. It became co-ed in 1972. Undergrad enrollment is only 8,352. There are no fraternities or sororities on campus, and 80% of the undergrads live on campus in single-sex dorms. Also part of its history, I attended an all-sports camp there for two weeks during one summer in the late 1970s, where I excelled in nothing and was recruited by no one. I did, however, learn some interesting new ways to use swear words to my advantage, and I ran into Notre Dame basketball stars Orlando Woolridge and Bill Laimbeer.

Location
Notre Dame, Indiana. That's right. I bet you thought it was in South Bend. Notre Dame is actually an unincorporated community just north of South Bend. It's in northeastern Indiana, just four miles from the Michigan border.

Iconic campus buildings
Notre Dame has two - the golden dome that sits atop the "Main Building" (wow, that's some inventive nomenclature), and of course the library, on which is painted the famous "Touchdown Jesus."

Nickname

The Fighting Irish nickname was originated in the early 20s. I must admit, it's a pretty good nickname. Any nickname that includes the word "fighting" is okay by me. Before the official adoption of the Fighting Irish nickname, Notre Dame had several other unofficial nicknames, including Rovers, Ramblers, and Terriers. Other nicknames for students and alumni include Domers, Assholes, and Insufferable Pricks.

Colors/Logo/Fight Song
The official colors of Notre Dame are "Madonna blue" and "Papal gold." In modern culture, when the words "Madonna" and "blue" are used in the same sentence, the "blue" is usually a verb, as in "That Madonna concert really blew," or "When she blew me, I was thinking of Madonna circa 1990." The teams also occasionally wear green because of the whole Irish thing.

The Irish have several different logos. The interlocking ND is a classic, but the fighting leprechaun (show above) is good too.

The Notre Dame fight song ("Notre Dame Victory March"), along with Michigan's and a few others, is probably one of the most recognizable collegiate fight songs in the country. The lyrics are inspiring, and the tune is memorable. The lyrics include lots of battle and war imagery - glory, fight, heart, loyal, thunder, victory, and of course a "rah rah" thrown in for good measure. A good school fight song should be able to be used in football or in battle. This one could definitely inspire an army infantryman or a defensive lineman. It's a classic.

Rally sons of Notre Dame
Sing her glory and sound her fame
Raise her Gold and Blue
And cheer with voices true:
Rah, rah, for Notre Dame
We will fight in every game,
Strong of heart and true to her name
We will ne'er forget her
And will cheer her ever
Loyal to Notre Dame.

Cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame,
Wake up the echoes cheering her name,
Send a volley cheer on high,
Shake down the thunder from the sky!
What though the odds be great or small,
Old Notre Dame will win over all,
While her loyal sons are marching
Onward to victory!

Change "Notre Dame" to "USA," and "Gold and Blue" to "Red, White, and Blue" and you'd have yourself a nice little song to rally the troops prior to battle.

Academics
According to US News and World Reports, Notre Dame ranks an impressive 18th, on par with the likes of Vanderbilt, Rice, Emory, and Cal-Berkeley (Michigan ranks 26th). They've got a good law school, a good business school, and a good architecture school. It appears that the Notre Dame educational experience is very well rounded, much like head football coach Charlie Weis.

Athletics
Notre Dame competes in the Big East Conference in all major sports (unless you consider hockey a major sport - the hockey team competes in the CCHA) except football, where they have maintained their independence, mainly due to money: they have their own TV deal; they don't have to share the money they make from bowl games; and they can schedule service academies every year. In football the Irish have won 11 national championships (the last one being in 1988) and have had seven Heisman Trophy winners. Recently, the football team has fallen on (relatively) hard times. They have not won a bowl game since 1994, and during their 9-game bowl losing streak, they have lost those bowl games by an average of about 17 points. The Irish have been invited to join the Big Ten numerous times - most recently in 1999 - but each time they declined.

Notre Dame is also competitive in women's soccer (national title in 1995 and 2004, runner up in 2006), men's hockey, women's basketball, and men's basketball. But make no mistake about it - Notre Dame is a football school.

Famous Alums
While the list of prominent Notre Dame alumni is long, it's mostly populated by educators, researchers, businessmen, and anonymous politicians. Among the more significant alums: rocker Ted Leo (of Ted Leo and The Pharmacists), the four founding members of the band Umphrey's McGee, actor George Wendt, former Secretary of the Interior Bruce Babbitt, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, talk show hosts Phil Donahue and Regis Philbin, famous Chicago scapegoat Steve Bartman, and Hubert Schlafly, the inventor of the teleprompter.

The Game
This could be ugly. Michigan has struggled to score points in their first two games under Rich Rodriguez. The QB play has been unsurprisingly abysmal. The running game showed signs of life against Miami but let's be honest - it was only Miami. Notre Dame, as referenced in the intro, has played just one game so far this year, and it was an uninspiring victory at home against one of the worst teams in the country. There have been some ugly games in the recent history of this rivalry, but those were ugly because they were lopsided in favor of Michigan (two 38-0 games and a 47-21 game in the last six years). This one's gonna be ugly because both teams are struggling. This is a pivotal game for both teams, since the winner of this game is going to come through it with much needed momentum to carry into the rest of the season. Michigan gets a week off before hosting Wisconsin and Illinois, and the Irish have to travel to East Lansing to face a tough MSU team. If Michigan loses, the fans will have an extra week to panic about the state of the team and the wisdom of hiring RichRod. If the Irish lose, their already panicky fanbase may start to turn on Jabba the Weis. I think this will be a low scoring game, with Michigan managing to limit their mistakes a tiny bit more than the Irish. The Wolverine ground game will gain more momentum against the questionable Irish defense. Jimmy Clausen will get sacked at least four times. Michigan 16, Notre Dame 12. Confidence level - approaching zero. So now, thanks to Hurricane Ike, it's off to the storm cellar, where I will subsist on water and spam for the next week or so. I hope our ~~double-wide~~ house makes it through. Enjoy the games this weekend, and of course...

Go Blue!

Epic Fail - 2005 NFL Draft

2008-09-11T09:53:00.004-04:00

With the latest news that Niner QB Alex Smith is out for the season, and his career for the Niners is probably over, I decided to take a look at the 2005 NFL draft and check the status of the top ten picks in that draft. Smith was the top pick in the draft. Here are the rest of the top ten. It does not look too good:

2. Ronnie Brown - He is backing up Ricky Williams, of all people, for the Dolphins. While he has had a couple decent seasons, the second pick in the draft has to be considered a failure if he's not a starter and a consistent 1200 yard rusher.

3. Braylon Edwards - He's been great. No complaints. One of the few Michigan receivers that has lived up to his lofty draft pick *coughDavidTerrellcough* and the only one from this list who has made a Pro Bowl.

4. Cedric Benson - Released by the Bears this past offseason, and not currently on an NFL roster. Has been arrested twice this year for alcohol-related offenses.

5. Cadillac Williams - Suffered a patellar tendon tear last year while playing for the Buccaneers, and doctors are doubtful that he will ever come back to full strength.

6. Adam Jones - "Pacman" had an unspectacular rookie season, a very good second season, and was suspended for the entirety of his third season due to legal troubles. He was traded to the Cowboys for a fourth round pick. I'm sure that if you could find a Tennessee Titans fan, he would tell you that Pacman was a huge disappointment. Most well known for "makin it rain" in a Las Vegas strip club.

7. Troy Williamson - The Vikings needed a speedy receiver after trading Randy Moss to the Raiders. What they got was 79 catches in three seasons. He was traded this offseason to the Jaguars for a 6th round draft pick.

8. Antrel Rolle - Missed almost all of his rookie season with a knee injury. Played fairly well last season, but was moved to safety prior to this season.

9. Carlos Rogers - Serviceable cornerback, but has only 150 tackles and 4 INTs in three seasons.

10. Mike Williams - He was the third consecutive WR picked in the first round by the Lions. Two of the three are not only no longer with the Lions, but also no longer playing in the NFL. Williams is one of those. He totaled 44 receptions in three seasons.

By any measure, this has to be the worst overall top ten NFL draft picks in recent memory. One Pro Bowl appearance, two guys already traded, and two guys already out of the league after three years (and not due to injury). By comparison, the 2004 draft has already had six players from the top ten picks make the Pro Bowl, and even the 2007 draft already has two Pro Bowlers.

Un-Retirement

2008-09-09T22:01:00.010-04:00

He starts hanging out with celebs like McConaughey...

Lance Armstrong announced today that he is coming out of retirement to try to win his eighth Tour de France title next summer. After a bit of soul-searching, I reached deep inside myself and discovered that I don't care about this even a tiny little bit. To be honest, he could not have timed his announcement any worse. Obviously he should have timed it to maximize the publicity (and make no mistake about it - that's most likely what this is about). But football season has begun, Tom Brady is injured, a MILF is running for VP, and there is an election coming up, so you'll forgive me if I am underwhelmed by the news that another retired athlete (from a very minor sport, at that) has decided to make another run at glory. The last Tour de France title he won was in 2005, so by the time the next Tour comes along, it will have been a full four years since his last triumph at the Arc de Triomphe. How well do "un-retirements" go after relatively long layoffs? Not well.

...and this is what happens

Michael Jordan
Michael took two years off after his second retirement following the 1998 season (and his sixth NBA title), then joined the Washington Wizards prior to the 2001-2002 season. While his stats were respectable for the Wizards, he tore up his knee after 60 games in the 2001 season, and they did not make the playoffs either of the two years he played for the Wizards. His style of play had changed significantly since his high-flying days with the Bulls. He was mostly a low post player who took a lot of fadeaway jumpers and was not as prone to drive to the basket as he was in his earlier years. He was an all-star both years, but at that point he was coasting on his reputation and all-star voting is a popularity contest. Most NBA fans would agree that this comeback was a bad idea.

Magic Johnson
Magic took a physical prior to the 1991 NBA season and it was discovered that he was HIV+. He immediately announced his retirement. After an aborted comeback in the 1992 season, and a failed attempt at coaching in the 1993 season, he decided to have a go at a comeback late in the 1994-95 season. He played the last 32 games of the season (at power forward) and the Lakers lost in the first round of the playoffs to the Rockets. His numbers were decent, but like Michael's comeback, he was a totally different player than his fans remembered. I think most NBA fans would also agree that this idea was ill-conceived.

There have to be others that I'm missing, right? Remember, I'm not talking about Favre-like or Clemens-like retirements that don't even last a full offseason, but rather the ones that were years in length. I'd also like to hear about successful ones too. I just can't think of any right now.

NOTE: By the way, I am purposefully omitting boxers, because they seemingly retire after every big fight, so I can't tell what's an extended layoff between fights and what's a "retirement."

Know Your Foe - Miami University

2008-09-05T00:00:00.001-04:00

Well, week one did not go as planned for the Wolverines. I'd love to say that Michigan gets a break this week with a MAC school coming into the big house, but App State is still fresh in my mind from last year. However, Utah is a top 20 team, and Miami is not. Michigan and Miami have squared off four times overall, and they last played in 2004 - which Michigan won 43-10. It was true freshman QB Chad Henne's first start, and it was my daughter's first Michigan game. The Redhawks have never beaten Michigan on the football field. Miami is coming off an opening week loss to Vanderbilt. With that, I bring you this week's installment of "Know Your Foe."

History
Miami University was founded in 1809 (!). The land grant for the school was actually signed by George Washington in 1792. The university's first president envisioned Miami as a "Yale of The West." It has instead become the "Yale of The MAC." Undergrad enrollment on the main campus is 14,265.

Location
Oxford, OH - which is about 30 miles northwest of Cincinnati. The "Miami" in the school's name actually refers to the Miami River Valley, which is formed by two rivers - the Little Miami River and the Great Miami River. The river valley was named for the Miami Indians, who lived there before the settlers came, got them drunk, and shuffled them off to a reservation or something. Incidentally, I have a feeling that the theme of "named after Indians whose land they settled on" is going to be a common theme in the "Know Your Foe" series. So far, we're two-for-two.

Nickname
They were formerly known as the Redskins, but at the request of the Oklahoma-based Miami tribe, in 1997 they changed their nickname to the Redhawks.

Colors/Logo/Fight Song
The Redhawks colors are exactly what you'd expect of a team with "red" in their name - Red and White. The logo is of course a Redhawk, but the football helmet is white with a red M outlined in black.

The fight song seems like a short and insignificant little ditty, but the Alma Mater of Miami is full of haughty biblical language and imagery:

Old Miami from thy hillcrest,
Thou hast watched the decades roll,
While thy sons have quested from thee,
Sturdy hearted, pure of soul.

Aging in thy simple splendor,
Thou the calm and they the storm;
Thou didst give them joy in conquest,
Strength from thee sustained their arm.

Now of late thyself envigored,
Larger usefulness awaits;
Hosts assemble for thy blessing,
Youth and maiden throng thy gate.

Thou shalt stand a constant beacon,
Crimson tow'rs against the sky;
Men shall ever seek thy guiding,
Pow'r like thine shall never die.

Chorus*:Old Miami! New Miami!
Days of old and days to be;
Weave the story of thy glory,
Our Miami, here's to thee!

*The chorus is sung between each verse and at the end.

Are you kidding me? Thee? Thine? Thou?

Academics
According to US News and World Reports, Miami ranks a surprisingly respectable 66th, on par with the likes of Purdue, SMU, UConn, Iowa, and Texas A&M (as a reference, Michigan ranks 26th). Their business school is ranked as the best in the state of Ohio, and eighth best nationally among public schools. It's by far the top academic school in the Mid American Conference (the next MAC school on the list is Ohio, down at 116).

Athletics
The Redhawks last went to a bowl game in 2004, when they lost to Iowa State in the Independence Bowl. Strangely enough, they actually played in something called the "Salad Bowl" in 1951. The hockey team plays in the CCHA, where they have been moderately sucessful. The mens basketball team (coached by irascible curmedgeon Charlie Coles) has traditionally been pretty successful, making the postseason the last three years. Miami is also home the one of the country's few sychronized skating teams. They won a silver medal at the 2007 International Skating Union World Synchronized Skating Championships. So they've got that going for them - which is nice.

Famous Alums
Miami is one of only four universities (the others are Stanford, Michigan, and the Naval Academy) to produce both a US President (Benjamin Harrison) and a Super Bowl winning QB (Ben Roethlisberger). Other famous alums include author PJ O'Rourke, actress Tina Louise, and a disturbingly large number of reality show cast members (total of at least three). Actually, I think the more disturbing thing is that wiki lists reality show cast members as famous alums. I think it's a sign that the alumni list is not terribly extensive. Due to the strength of the business school, there are lots of CEOs on the list, but no one I would consider famous.

Miami is also known as the "Cradle of Coaches," due to the prominent coaches who were students/athletes/coaches at the school. Among these coaches: Paul Brown, Sid Gillman, Woody Hayes, Ara Parseghian, Weeb Ewbank, Ron Zook, Jim Tressel, and of course Bo Schembechler.

The Game
Miami came into the season with a pretty decent outlook (16 starters returning, including 9 on defense) and CFN called them the team to beat in the MAC, but their 34-13 loss to a mediocre Vanderbilt team opening week says otherwise. Vandy ran for 269 yards against Miami's defense. This bodes well for Michigan's anemic ground game, which was completely inept against Utah. Expect to see a lot of the Michigan ground attack, but the QBs need to get some confidence thru the air as well. Michigan should be able to control the line of scrimmage against the relatively puny Miami defense and open some holes for Minor, Shaw, and McGuffie. This should open up the passing lanes for presumptive starter Steven Threet, and Michigan should be able to coast to a victory. Michigan 35 Miami 10.

Go Blue!

Know Your Foe - Utah

2008-08-29T08:07:00.011-04:00

Since one of my favorite Michigan football-centric sites, The MZone, closed its doors a couple months back, I thought I would ~~steal~~ borrow one of my favorite features of theirs - Know Your Foe. I don't expect this to be as good and exhaustive as Benny's on the MZone were, but it's my first one. Consider this as an homage to Benny, Yost, and the MZone. What are they gonna do - sue me?* Cheers, fellas.

*Note: Please don't sue me.

As everyone who's reading this is probably aware, this is the first game of the Rich Rodriguez era ("It's a New Dawn!"). The only time Michigan and Utah squared off was in 2002, the year before Urban Meyer took over at Utah and introduced the spread (he was at Bowling Green that year). The game was a thrilling 10-7 snoozefest in the heat of September. I was at the game, but I don't remember all that much about it. Looking at the recap of the game, it was indeed ugly. Phil Brabbs missed a couple FGs (including a 27-yarder), Chris Perry ran for 91 yards, and the defense only allowed 20 yards rushing. This season, Utah is expected to challenge BYU for supremacy in the Mountain West conference, and this week's game should be an entertaining contest, if only for the fact that both teams like to utilize the spread offense. This should be a welcome relief from last year's grueling opener.

Pretty boring logo

History
The University of Utah was founded in 1850 by none other than Brigham Young and it was originally called University of Deseret. It closed two years later for financial reasons and reopened in 1867. It was renamed University of Utah in 1894. The current enrollment is listed at 22,661 undergrads (for reference, Michigan's undergrad enrollment is 26,083).

Location
Salt Lake City, Utah. Portions of the present campus are located on the grounds formerly belonging to the US Army's Fort Douglas, which was closed in 1991. The first permanent settlers in the Salt Lake Valley were Mormons, led by Brigham Young (unsurprisingly, his name is all over the state's history). In 2002, the University was home to the Olympic Village, and hosted the opening and closing ceremonies and several Olympic events.

Nickname
"The Utes," named after the Ute tribe of Native Americans. The basketball team is known as the "Runnin' Utes," a reference to the time when Brigham Young ran all of the Native Americans off of "his" land so he could build his big church in the Salt Lake Valley. "Look, them Utes is runnin' now!" For some reason, the women' gymnastics team is known as the "Red Rocks." Insert your own joke, because I can't manage to come up with one.

Colors/Logo
The Utes colors are a very popular combination - Red and White. In fact, three of Michigan's first four opponents this year wear these colors as well. The logo is a capital "U" with a couple indian feathers hanging off the back.

Academics
According to US News and World Reports, Utah ranks a mediocre 127th, on par with the likes of Arkansas, Colorado State, Michigan Tech, and SUNY-Buffalo (as a reference, Michigan ranks 26th). They're right at the bottom of the "tier 1" rankings. Their medical school is known as one of the finest in the region (yay). However, in 1989, then-chair of the chemistry department, Stanley Pons, claimed to have discovered a chemical process known as "cold fusion," which has since been discredited by the scientific community (boo).

Athletics
Current head football coach Kyle Whittingham has coached the Utes to three straight bowl victories, and the school is currently on a seven game bowl winning streak overall, dating back to 1999. The basketball team has traditionally been pretty successful, last making the final four in 1998, when they lost in the finals to Kentucky (a game that I watched in a sports bar in Trinidad). The women's gymnastics program is consistently successful, with ten national championships since 1981, as well as seven second place finishes in the same time period (including the last three in a row).

Famous Alums
As you might expect, the list of alumni from the University of Utah includes numerous former Presidents of The Mormon Church. In addition, Robert Jarvik, the inventor of the artificial heart, is a former Ute; as is Wilbert Gore, the inventor of Gore-tex fabric. The list of "celebrities" from the University of Utah is woefully lacking, unless you count Ted Bundy, who attended law school there before he was arrested for killing and raping a large number of women (estimates range from 26-57), and former Bush aide Karl Rove, who attended Utah but did not graduate. In fact, he does not have a college degree, which is probably why GWB kept him around for so long - to make himself feel smarter ("Hey Rove, where'd you get your degree again? Oh, I forgot - you don't have one. Heh heh. I went to Yale."). Numerous sports stars are former Utes, including two former number one overall draft picks in their respective sports - QB Alex Smith, and forward Andrew Bogut.

The Game
I wish I could offer some sort of insight as to what's gonna happen here, but just like everyone else, I have no clue. I'll make a stab at it anyway. Michigan's defense plays stout, holding the usually efficient Utah offense under 300 yards, and forcing a couple key turnovers. Michigan's offense sputters at first, but bolstered by a strong running game, manages to take advantage of the Utah turnovers to put three TDs on the board. It will be a close game until the fourth quarter, when the Wolverines will add a late TD to seal the victory. Michigan 24, Utah 13. The Rich Rodriguez era begins with a solid, but unspectacular victory. Huzzah. (Take that, Candyman!)

Go Blue!

Can't Wait For Kickoff

2008-08-28T11:38:00.004-04:00

Why am I so damn disinterested in reading about the upcoming Wolverine season?? Like never before. I could never get enough. I mean, there is so much to read about…or is there? Everything at this point is pure speculation and supposition. Quite frankly, I don’t care what xyz reporter or blogger has to say because they have no idea what is coming. Yes, that can be said during any pre-season, but this year with all the player and coaching changes, nobody knows what to expect, probably including Rich Rodriguez himself. Instead of wasting my very precious time reading what all the pinheads have to say, I have taken the approach of waiting for it all to happen and unfold a bit, and then get into reading about. Reporting versus prognosticating. It is actually quite refreshing.

I equate it to playing a new golf course. When I play my home course, I always have preconceptions of where I have to hit the ball, and then what trouble I am in for different shots. When I play a new/different course, I just hit the ball – shot by shot. Sometimes that innocence and blank canvas frees the mind and helps, and sometimes you step in a pile of shit.

That is how I am looking at this Michigan Football season – let it all happen, see how it unfolds, and base thoughts on what is actually happening, not the speculation and opinions of our esteemed press. I fully intend to see some great/exciting/fun stuff and I also fully expect to step in that proverbial pile of shit on occasion. My baseless prediction is that we win 8 games this year – don’t know how or why, but with the athletes that Michigan has I just think we win that many games even through the growing pains. Either way, it will all come down to blocking and tackling.

Michigan Football Preview - 2008

2008-08-25T09:34:00.009-04:00

Okay, I'll admit that I have no real tangible reason for the optimism that I have for the upcoming season. The list of areas in which Michigan is seemingly deficient is long:

Quarterback
None of the QBs on the roster has taken a meaningful snap in a college football game. The starter may be a walk-on. The freshman who's best equipped to run the spread is not ready to run it on a regular basis yet. Expect to see some direct snaps to Carlos Brown or other non-QBs several times per game. Each of these sentences sends shivers up my spine and undoubtedly will make me reach for the Maalox on a regular basis while watching games this year.

Experience with new offense
Which is to say, "none." None of the players on the offensive side of the ball has played in this offensive system in college, although some have played in a variation of the spread in high school. It could start out a bit ugly.

Linebackers
After the departure of stud MLB David Harris, I was not real happy with our linebacker play last year. The personnel is similar this year. Coach Shafer's new aggressive style of defense may help, but I'm not sold on the LBs. I hope they prove me wrong. On the bright side, Shawn Crable and his reckless style of linebacking are now gone.

Safeties
Both starters from last year (Adams and Englemon) are gone. Hopefully, upperclassmen can step in, because having freshmen at the safety position is a scary proposition. My trepidation is tempered, however, because of the general ineptitude of Big Ten QBs this year. Still, not an area of strength, in my opinion.

Offensive Line
Only one starter returns from a line that was not all that good last year. Jake Long is gone. Judas Boren is gone. This, to me, is the most critical deficiency on the team. We can survive with mediocre QB play, but a porous OL will hurt the running and passing games. The OL is one injury away from a real major crisis. If the OL can manage to be decent, I'll be happy. If the OL can somehow manage to excel and dominate, the sky's the limit.

But the list of things Michigan has in their favor is decent too:

Defensive Line
The prospective starters on the DL all have started games at Michigan. Terrance Taylor, Brandon Graham, and Tim Jamison all have the talent to be all-Big Ten performers. This unit is going to have to have a good year, like the 2006 team had (with Branch and Woodley), or it could be a very long season. With the overall experience level of the DL, this is not a concern and this is probably the single strongest unit on the team.

Cornerbacks
Morgan Trent is a very good veteran corner with great speed. Sophomore Donovan Warren is going to be all-Big Ten before he's through at Michigan. Boubacar Cissoko is supposedly impressing in practice. Woolfolk has been coming on. Brandon Harrison is a good nickel back. This is a strength, and with the pressure that is likely to be brought by the veteran front line and the overall lack of quality Big Ten QBs, I would not be surprised to see a lot of INTs registered by this unit.

Wide Receivers
The strength here is in the numbers. While we lost Arrington and Manningham to the NFL, there are several potential bright spots. Greg Matthews is a Jason Avant-like talent - very good hands, but not great speed. Matthews, Clemons, Stonum, Hemingway, and Savoy are more like the prototypical Michigan receiver from past years - tall and rangy. The new generation of receivers is small and quick - Odoms, Robinson, Shaw. I'm excited about the possibilities and the variety. Plus, saying the name "Martavious Odoms" gives me pleasure.

Running Backs
Despite the loss of Michigan's all-time leading rusher Mike Hart, this position is loaded. Carlos Brown and Brandon Miner return from last year, and Sam McGuffie and Michael Cox (and Michael Shaw as well) provide a new infusion of speed and explosiveness. With the spread offense, these guys are also used in the slot, so expect to see these guys all over the place - and several on the field at once.

The Barwis

The conditioning program instituted by The Barwis has revolutionized the way our players train and lift. They are going to be stronger, faster, and have more stamina to finish games strong.

Zoltan
If all else fails and the offense sputters, the all-powerful Zoltan can unleash a sixty yard punt and pin the opposition deep in their own territory. All Hail Zoltan! (At the same time, I fully appreciate the irony of saying that one of the bright spots on the team is the player whose mere presence on the field is a sign of temporary offensive surrender, so don't bother pointing it out)

Enthusiasm of new coaching staff
For the first time in like forever, there is an infusion of new blood into the Michigan program. While I know many (including myself, to some degree) will miss the Bo era, it's time to move on. The RichRod era is upon us and I for one could not be more excited.

Like I said, I am optimistic about this season (go ahead, call me a shameless homer). Last season, Michigan was rated in the top five to start the year. We saw how well that turned out. This year, nothing much is expected of the Wolverines - in fact, most polls do not have Michigan ranked at all. I think the team will be better than most people expect. I'm seeing a 9-3 season, including a victory over the Buckeyes that will send us to a New Years Day bowl game and catapult the Wolverines to securing a solid recruiting class, thereby setting up next year for awesome QB recruit Shavodrick Beaver and his team of lightning quick Lilliputian receivers.

"It's a new dawn."
- Grace Slick

Go Blue!

SEC Preview - Fun with Names

2008-08-18T11:32:00.011-04:00

I thought there were some unusual names in the Big Ten, but those are nothing compared to what I found when I was scouting the Southeastern Conference. Just as the Big Ten representative has been thoroughly trounced by the SEC in the last two BCS title games, the SEC again scoffs at the Big Ten's strange names. Last year, we all had fun with the Arkansas Razorbacks team with Dick throwing to his favorite Johnson, and coached by Nutt. I suppose that's where my interest in mocking people's names came from. Again, I did not verify if any of the players listed below has exhausted their eligibility. Many of them might be gone, but I used the ESPN roster listing for each team. So sue me. Anyway, here's the SEC.

M'ore' Un'necesary A'postrophes
- Don'ta Hightower, Alabama LB
- De'Anthony Curtis, Arkansas RB
- D'Antoine Hood, Auburn DB
- Da'Shaun Barnes, Auburn LB
- Sen'Derrick Marks, Auburn DE
- T'Sharvan Bell, Auburn DB
- De'Mon Glanton, Mississippi State DB
- Donte'e Nicholls, South Carolina DT
- Ja'Kouri Williams, Tennessee RB
- Demonte' Bolden, Tennessee DT

Team with the Most Opportunities for Snickering at Their Roster
Arkansas
The Hogs not only have two Dicks (QBs Casey and his little bro Nathan), but they also have a Penix, and lots of Love (see below). Also, this photo always cracks me up. This year, even the Hogs are Nutt-less, they still have a pair of Dicks (if the first one is injured, the other one can just step in and take over). In fact, there are times when they could use both Dicks on the field at once. In addition, their new head coach is kind of a dick too. (Yes, I have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old)

Most Obvious Birth Certificate Spelling Error
Weslye Saunders, South Carolina TE
Don't hospitals have proofreaders?

Best Porn Name - For a Woman
Foxy Foxworth, South Carolina TE
This is strictly a soft-core porn name, since hardcore would be something like "Honey Titsworth."

Sometimes "Y"
Jhyryn Taylor, LSU WR
Are those considered vowels in this circumstance? If not, a vowel intervention is required.

Most Appropriate Name
Mississippi State has a linebacker named Nick Pounder, which is exactly what you want a linebacker to be - a pounder.

Military Names
Major Sosebee, Mississippi State WR
Captain Munnerlyn, South Carolina CB

Destiny's Children
Okay, if it's true that you grow into your name, then the ladies with marriage on their minds should start lining up for Mississippi State TE Jason Husband, but should stay away from South Carolina G Heath Batchelor. What woman in their right mind would want to put up with being called Mrs. Batchelor anyway? That would get old really fast.

Other Cool Names
- Rowdy Francis, Georgia S - I hope he lives up to his name.
- B.J. Wiedemann, Kentucky DE - Heh heh, his last name is a crappy G. Heileman beer - of which we drank copious amounts in college.
- Vanderal Shackleford, South Carolina LB - This sounds like a made-up name from "Fletch."
- Montario Hardesty, Tennessee RB - Another one that's got a rhythmic quality.
- T-Bob Hebert, LSU C - He is the son of former Michigan Panther and USFL Championship QB Bobby Hebert. This has dual Sienfeld significance. First, George claimed to be fascinated with the name "Hebert":

You know what's interesting. The quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is Bobby Hebert. No "r" - which I find fascinating. You know it's Herbert h-e-r-b-e-r-t, Hebert h-e-b-e-r-t. "Hebert" it's a fun name to pronounce. Try and say it - Hebert.

Also, the name T-Bob reminds me of the episode where George wants to give himself a nickname and decides that T-Bone would be a good one. "But there's no 'T' in your name. What about G-Bone?" "There's no G-Bone."

Other Cool Names - Roman Division
-Quindarius Carr, Auburn WR
-Rodgerigus Smith, Auburn WR
-Octavius Balkcom, Auburn DE
-Omarius Hines, Florida WR
-Dontavius Jackson, Georgia RB
This sounds like a role call from a Roman Empire regiment. "Octavius, Quindarius, and Omarius - you go with Dontavius. The others will run with Mucus."

Mississippi State
This is a special commendation for the Mississippi State Bulldogs. In addition to the names already mentioned above, they have a great looking roster. Sylvester Croom has been very selective in the kinds of names he recruits. Have a look:
- Demario Bobo, DB - Great rhythmic sound for announcers. Go ahead - imagine how the stadium announcer would say it.
- De'Mon Glanton, DB - Is that pronounced like "demon" or is it more like "de-moan" or "de-mahn?" I need to know.
- Co-Eric Riley, WR - He's not the main Eric on the team. He's just a Co-Eric.
- Jasper O'Quinn, DB - Is he a leprechaun?
- Mike Hunt, DB - "Great coverage my Mike Hunt on that play. Mike Hunt was all over him. Mike Hunt is really looking good today. Uh-oh - it looks like Mike Hunt is hurt."
- Trevor Stigers, DL - There must be some mistake. Obviously, this guy is a striker on an EPL soccer team.
- Quinton Saulsberry, OL - I love his steaks.
- D.J. Looney, OL - I think I saw this guy DJ-ing in a club recently. "DJ Looney is in da house!"
- O'Neal Wilder, WR - His parents were fans of American playwrights.
- Cortez McCraney, DL - A clash of cultures - it's Spanish and Irish all in one!
- Dontavious Morrisette, RB - I just like the way this one rolls off the tongue. Another one that's just fun to say.
- Cleveland Tubbs, FB - Wasn't this guy Sonny Crockett's partner on Miami Vice?

"All You Need Is Love"
- Tyler Love, Alabama OL
- Jamar Love, Arkansas CB
- Jermaine Love, Arkansas LB
- DeMarcus Love, Arkansas G
- Omar Love, Ole Miss QB
- Logan Love, Tennessee DB

Mississippi State wins this one hands down, but Auburn also had a strong showing. Kudos to the Bulldogs. It will be the only SEC title they win this year: The First Annual Grateful Blue SEC "Best Names" Competition.

Big Ten Preview - Fun with Names

2008-08-11T15:11:00.008-04:00

I wanted to do a Big Ten Preview before the season gets started, but that would require actual work: you know - research, knowledge, etc. So, being a lazy-ass semi-blogger, I thought I would instead try the next best thing. Look at the rosters and pick out funny names. I guess that's "research" in a manner of speaking, since I had to read thru eleven lists of names and try to tenuously connect them. If anyone actually reads this, he or she might discover some of the names referenced herein are no longer on the these teams anymore. Let me preempt that by saying that I really don't care. I got the names from the rosters listed on ESPN.com and I don't intend to do any further research to validate the current enrollment status of any individuals listed. Anyway, here it is - The Big Ten Preview of Strange Names:

Girlie First Name, Badass Last Name
Whitney Mercilus, Illinois DL
If his parents had any sense, Whitney would not have even been a consideration with the last name "Mercilus." First choice should have been Ming D. Of course, the wife may not have liked that one, so at least something like Colossus, or Zeus, or Dontarrius, or Demetrius.

You May Have Knowledge, But We Have Wisdom
Wisdom Onyegbule, Illinois DL
Knowledge Timmons, PSU CB
Judging by their positions, I would say that Wisdom is much stronger than Knowledge, but Knowledge is a lot faster than Wisdom.

M'ost Unnecessary Use of an Apostro'phe
Brand'on Riggins, Purdue LB
J'Michael Deane, MSU OL
Da'Jon McKnight, Minnesota WR

Worst Case of Indecision by Parents
Stephfon Green, PSU RB
"I like the name Ste-fon. How do you think we should spell it? With a 'ph' or an 'f'?"
"I don't know. Fuck it. Let's do both. S-T-E-P-H-F-O-N."

Scrabble
Xzavian Brandon, Minnesota WR
"Wouldn't it be cool to have our baby's name be the highest possible scrabble score? We should put an X and a Z in the name. That's 20 points right there. Oh yeah, V's are worth four points too. Let's add one of those. Can I have another hit?"

Most Cartoonish Name
Will Suess, Indiana QB
"I will not throw up INTs
I will not flinch when they dive into my knees
I will not wait for Lewis to leave
I want to start now, if you please
I'd like to throw to Andrew Means
To either sideline or in between
I wish I wasn't such a loser
But I'm the one who chose the Hoosiers"

New Members of The Reggie Cleveland All-Stars
Wisconsin DL O'Brien Schofield
This dude sounds like a white lacrosse player from a prep school somewhere in New England. Apparently, he's a black guy from Chicago.

Purdue WR Joe Whitest
Indiana has a guy named Larry Black. Minnesota has a guy named Damien White. But only Purdue has the Whitest. Wide Receiver Joe Whitest, that is. Oddly enough, Joe Whitest is a black man, as pictured at right.

Buy a Vowel? Donate a Consonant?
Wisconsin offensive lineman Jake Bscherer's name seems to either be missing at least one vowel, or has too many consonants. Perhaps you could donate one of your consonants to Minnesota LB Logan U'u (I'm not even sure how you pronounce that one). Jake, if you donate your B, the two of you would be "Scherer" and "Ubu."

Most Appropriate Name
The Illini have an offensive lineman named Eric Block. It seems quite appropriate - like a library cop named Bookman, or an ice cream man named Cone.

Other Cool Names
-Michigan WR Martavious Odoms - It just flows off the tongue. "Back to receive the punt - Martavious Odoms. Punt fumbled by Martavious Odoms."
-Minnesota RB Shady Salamon - If his nickname is not "Slim," someone is not doing their job.
-Purdue WR Desmond Tardy - He's always late for practice.
-Illinois DL Clay Nurse - Is that a nurse that is made out of clay, or a nurse who helps treat clay objects?
-Wisconsin WR Nick Toon - Isn't that a show on Nickelodeon late at nite? Nicktoons?
-Minnesota DT Jewhan Edwards - I'm not sure how to make a joke out of this one, but there is definitely something funny about it.
-Illinois QB Juice Williams - I could not leave this one off the list. Announcers no doubt have fun with using "Juice got squeezed" at every opportunity.
-Indiana has two different guys with the first name "Keegan." There oughta be a one-Keegan-per-team quota. Get to work on this, NCAA.
-There are several instances of the names Deon and Dante being combined to form some strange hybrid name. But none are spelled quite the same: Deante, Diauntae, Dionte, Deon, Deandre, Diondrae, Donsay, and Deonte.

Corporate Sell-Out
Purdue FB Frank Halliburton used to be Frank Enron before Enron went belly up. He got new sponsorship deal and has a job lined up with Halliburton after he graduates. This is all legal under NCAA rules, but Frank cannot accept a free pizza or oilfield services from Halliburton until his eligibility is used up.

A Whole Lotta Love
Indiana has WR Charles Love and OL Kenny Love. Michigan State has WR Terry Love. Minnesota has CB Daron Love.

The Illini have Juice, Wisdom, Mercilus, Block, and Nurse. The Gophers have Xzavian, Jewhan, Shady, U'u, Da'Jon, and one Love. It's too close to call...

Go Blue!

Tropical Storms and Super Bowls

2008-08-07T07:50:00.005-04:00

Tropical Storm Edouard crawls toward Texas

The Assman lives in the Houston area, and Tuesday the big news was Tropical Storm Edouard. It was supposed to hit Galveston and then tear across Houston and destroy property and create havoc. Many businesses downtown (including my employer) told their employees to stay home, just to be safe. You may have read about the storm, but it turned out to be largely unimpressive. We live west of Houston and we got about three inches of rain, but no wind. It was not really any different from a normal spring or summer storm. But what struck me about the storm was the intense media coverage. As you might expect, there was wall-to-wall coverage on all local networks (there's nothing else on daytime TV anyway). All the networks had reporters stationed throughout the area, undoubtedly hoping for some horrific footage and spectacular visuals. Tuesday, however, the field reports were quite lame.

It was not too dissimilar to coverage of the Super Bowl. It can be divided into three categories:

1. Before the storm (The Pre-Game Show)
While waiting for the storm to make landfall, the reporters were standing by at various gulf coast locations. Reporters told us that it was getting windy, but you couldn't really tell until they showed the bushes moving. "Steve, the wind is starting to pick up a bit, and if the cameraman will pan over here you'll be able to see the leaves on this small bush start to move. See that? Now, if you'll pan to the harbor you can see the waves have started to pick up as well. See how the surface is moving? Our wind gauge is now showing about 20 mile-per-hour wind gusts." Granted, a lot of Houston area residents were concerned about the storm, but the constant "pre-game" stuff was unnecessary. The weathermen in the studio with their fancy radar, mega-doppler, and what-have-you was very informative. The on-site reporters? Not so much.

Similarly, the the Super Bowl pre-game shows tell us all what they think is gonna happen, but like the weathermen, they are usually wrong. In addition to telling us what's going to happen during the game, the pre-game team, led by several on-field reporters live from inside and outside the stadium, will tell us what the current mood is: "Well Joe, the mood during warm-ups was quite loose. The defense really was intense and focused," or "The Giants just got off the bus." Like the on-site weather dudes, these guys generally provide no insight. Like the pre-game show for the storm, the football pre-game show is full of hype and hyperbole, and does not really add anything to your enjoyment of the game. They have to throw in the occasional Erin Andrews interview to keep things interesting.

2. During the storm (The Game)
After the storm made landfall, the networks were looking for their money shot. Shots of reporters being pelted with rain drops are not so dramatic when the winds are only 40 mph, as opposed to the hurricane footage where reporters are struggling to stand against the 120 mph winds. The best we got from Tuesday's storm was something like, "Steve, the raindrops are falling diagonally from the sky, and the drops are actually stinging my face." Whoop-de-damn-doo. Just as much information could be gathered by showing footage from the various traffic cameras that are positioned throughout the area.

This is the only important part of the Super Bowl experience - the game itself. Just like with the weather reporting during the storm, what happens in-game is what the audience is looking for - the money shot, if you will. For the storm, it's flying debris, reports of heavy damage, and pictures sent in from camera phones. For the football game, it's hard hits, a beautiful spiral nestling into the arms of a receiver in the back of the end zone, a great block by a pulling guard, gratuitous upskirt shots of cheerleaders, finding the hottest chicks in the crowd, showing the stars of the new Fox sitcom sitting together in the stands.

3. After the storm (The Post-Game Show)
After the storm had mostly passed through the area, the "post-game show" began. Where is there flooding? Who's lost power? How much rain fell. How injured are the on-site reporters? How does it rank with previous storms? And the inane cell phone calls from ordinary citizens. Yesterday's storm, being rather lame, did not yield too many breathless calls from local residents fearing for their lives.

Much like the weather post-game show shows the aftermath of the storm, the football post-game show shows the aftermath of the game: highlights, stats, injury reports, on-site retrospectives/recaps. Usually, they both have the same ultimate result: disappointment. The storm and the Super Bowl rarely live up to the pregame hype. Every storm is going to cause MAJOR DAMAGE, and every Super Bowl is going to be the BEST EVER.

Team USA Olympics - Fun with Names

2008-08-04T13:23:00.014-04:00

Well, the Summer Olympics are coming up (opening ceremonies are on Friday) and for the most part, I have no particular insight into who's going to win. Most of the events in the Summer Olympics are pretty obscure. I can't even begin to tell anyone with any degree of certainty who's going to win the fencing medals (or what the rules of fencing are, or the names of anyone participating, or...). I can, however, make fun of names. Here are some of the more interesting names on the US team:

Men's 100m
The US has two competitors named Gay and Dix. People ask me all the time, "Who do you like in this race?" And I'll tell you what I tell them: "A lot of people like Dix here, but not me - I'm a Gay man*. Go Gay!"

*I'm not actually gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Women's Heptathlon
Hyleas Fountain is one of the US competitors in the heptathlon. Her name sounds like a landmark, not an athlete. "You're looking for directions to the park? Okay, turn right at the next light. Then, take a left at Hyleas Fountain. You can't miss it..."

Pop Quiz: Which of these two photos shows Hyleas Fountain?

Women's 400m
DeeDee Trotter is in this event, but something tells me she would be better suited for distance running. Where is BeeBee Sprinthoff? Or GiGi Fasterton?

Women's 200m
Marshevet Hooker is running this race, and I for one find it shocking to find a Hooker anywhere near an Olympic venue. If the Chinese government gets wind of this, she'll be detained until the games have been completed, at which time she can resume her hooker-esque behavior.

Women's 400m Hurdles
Queen Harrison's parents must have had some high aspirations for their daughter. She's not a queen yet, but she did make the Olympic team. The announcers and writers are just salivating at the possibility of the puns they could potentially use if she wins. "Queen rules the hurdles," is but one lame example of the pain we may have to endure.

Women's Soccer
The women's soccer team has not only has Mitts, but also Cox and a Boxx. "Do I like green eggs and ham? I do not like them Sam I Am. I will not eat them with Stephanie Cox, I will not eat them with Shannon Boxx. But I would like to eat them with Heather Mitts, but only if she shows her..."

Men's Soccer
The men's soccer team has Maurice Edu and Freddy Adu. I'm not sure if that's funny or not, but it is strange.

Shawns
There are several permutations of the name Shawn on the US Olympic team. For the men, Shawn Crawford will be running the 200m. LaShawn Merritt will be running the 400m. Bershawn Jackson will be running the 400 meter hurdles. Tayshaun Prince will be lacing up the sneakers for the hoops team. Shawn Estrada will be boxing in the middleweight division. Sean Rooney is an outside hitter on the volleyball squad. Sean McLelland is a skeet shooter.

On the women's side, Chaunte Howard will be competing in the high jump. LaShaunte'a Moore will be available to help out on the 4x100m relay team. Shawn Johnson will be leading the gymnastics team. Shani Marks is a triple jumper.

Most Melanin-Deficient Sounding Teams
The USA Baseball team sounds more like a fraternity pledge class and less like a team of world class athletes: Jake, Trevor, Jeremy, Brandon, Blaine, Casey, Taylor, Jason, Jayson.

Similarly, the USA Women's Field Hockey team sounds like roll call at my daughter's preschool: Lauren, Katelyn, Lauren, Jesse, Tiffany, Kayla, Rachel, Kate.

Team with Most Soap Opera Names
The Men's Volleyball team has several members whose parents got their names right off the "Soap Opera Names" website, if such a thing exists: Reid Priddy, Clay Stanley, Riley Salmon, Gabe Gardner, Hugh McCutcheon. All that's missing is someone named Frisco, Steele or Ridge.

Most Obvious Use of Foreign Ringers
Table Tennis: David Zhuang, Wang Chen, Gao Jun, Chrystal Huang. What has happened to American dominance in ping pong? Have we fallen so far behind in table tennis that we have to outsource to Asia, even for the Olympics? Why doesn't the USOC have any funding set aside for inner city table tennis training? I want my tax dollars spent on American table tennis development, not on outsourcing. We have the resources here in this country. There are ping pong tables in millions of American basements and fraternities. Who's with me? Anyone?

Happy Birthday MTV - You Suck!

2008-08-01T06:30:00.010-04:00

Oh no, it's another "This Day In History" post. Deal with it...

On this day in 1981 (27 years ago!), MTV made it's debut at 12:01 am, starting off with "Video Killed The Radio Star" by the Buggles. Some might view this event as something to celebrate. I'm not necessarily one of those people. Don't get me wrong - I have nothing against videos in general. They can be a welcome distraction and sometimes are interesting. At the risk of sounding like an old crotchety windbag (which in all fairness, I am), to me MTV ceased being relevant or interesting many years ago. Let me be the 1,726th blogger to rail against the ills of the MTV. Here are my beefs with MTV, both currently and in the past:

1. They don't show videos
The moniker "MTV" stands for "Music Television." Originally, the concept was that MTV would show music videos 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Fine. In the early days, this was fantastic, because the videos were new and interesting, in addition to being a novel concept. Sure, there were not a lot of them, which led to replaying some videos over and over again. Sure, the quality of the videos left a lot to be desired (in hindsight). But they were showing music videos more or less constantly. A few years ago, MTV just stopped showing music videos. They air awards shows, reality shows, game shows, dating shows, "idiotic stunts" shows, etc. It's not really "Music Television" anymore - it's more like "Pop Culture for People Under 25 Television." Where is there a place for videos from good rock and pop bands like Wilco, Old 97s, Ryan Adams, Steve Earle, Bright Eyes, Son Volt, Ben Harper, Robert Randolph & The Family Band, Death Cab for Cutie, My Morning Jacket, etc?

2. "Image is everything"
Music videos became ubiquitous due to the existence of MTV. Every record label now has to consider the video when they are making a CD. This led to empty headed prima donna no talent "artists" who looked good in front of the camera being featured on MTV - hair bands (Poison, Cinderella, etc), Britney Spears, Duran Duran, boy bands (NSync, Backstreet Boys, etc), etc. Good old rock and roll has been diminished because of MTV and their repeated play of crappy videos that featured scantily clad skanks, and artists that are only getting played because they dress a certain way or look a certain way. The Rolling Stones would not have stood a chance if they had gotten their start in the MTV era. That is one ugly band.

3. Reality TV
I place the blame for the current reality TV craze squarely on the shoulders of MTV. When "The Real World" debuted in 1992, the downward spiral began. Granted, not every scripted show on TV is some sort of award winning endeavor, but some are worthwhile diversions. Thanks to MTV, instead of scripted shows, we have shows in which people stab each other in the back and connive and scheme to vote each other off the show (Big Brother, Survivor, etc.), shows in which participants race to see who can eat testicles and bugs the fastest (Fear Factor, etc.), shows in which people humiliate themselves in order to potentially "date" a famous attention whore (Tila Tequila, Flavor of Love, I Love New York, Rock of Love, etc.), shows in which people compete for the chance to date a non-famous attention whore (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, etc.), shows in which odd stunts are performed in a race to a finish line (Amazing Race, Road Rules, etc.), shows that are supposedly unscripted, but are so well lit and filmed that there is obviously writing and re-shooting involved (The Hills, Laguna Beach, etc.), shows that display the vapid excessiveness of celebrities and non-celebrities alike (Cribs, My Super Sweet Sixteen, etc.), and shows that are just about someones insane and/or unusual behavior at home with their family (The Osbornes, Newlyweds, Breaking Bonaduce, The Kardashians, etc.). It's all thanks to MTV and The Real World.

What started out as a great idea - making videos as a complement to the audio of popular music - has turned into a steaming pile of crap. Who knew how apropos the first video shown on MTV would be: Video did indeed kill the radio star.

Now get off my lawn, you hooligans! I will not tolerate any more shenanigans from you youngsters!

Golf Outings - Revisited

2008-07-29T21:32:00.008-04:00

Well, once again our yearly golf trip up north was a rousing success and just about everyone involved had a great time. We even had a near hole-in-one. However, there are many mysteries that become apparent when you get home to your wife and kids. Each and every one of us at this year's golf outing probably faced similar questions upon their return home from the idyllic setting of a Northern Michigan summer. How is John's wife? How old are their kids? What does Dave do for a living? How's Scott's dad? Does Steve still work for Company X? How do they like their new house? What's his wife's name? How is Kraig doing without a spleen? How could you spend four hours on a golf cart with the guy and not know what he does for a living? Don't you guys ever talk?

So, in order to head off the intense cross-examination of the womenfolk after a long golf weekend, I propose that we fill out a questionnaire prior to next year's outing (and really, this could apply to hunting trips, fishing trips, poker nights, etc.) that answers all questions that the wives might have regarding our friends in the golf outing:

Name:
Age:
Graduating class year:
College degrees (and grad schools attended):
Spouse's name (if applicable):
Nickname in college, with explanation (if necessary):
Current city of residence (state if this is a new location or old one):
Current occupation (state if this is a new employer or an old employer):
Number of kids, with names and ages:
Recent significant accomplishments of kids:
Any recent health scares:
Any recent deaths in family:
Family vacations taken recently:
Family vacations planned in the near future:

Now that we've got that out of the way, as a public service, I've put together some acceptable topics of conversation on golf outings with other dudes:

- The hot beer cart girl, and what you'd like to do to her
- The ugly beer cart girl, and what's she'd probably like to do to you
- The frequency of your golfing activities
- Which of "the old gang" you run into or e-mail on a regular basis
- How much you suck at golf
- How lame Ted is
- Ted's mom
- Caddyshack
- Sexual conquests from the past
- How much better your kids are than their kids
- Sports of any kind
- Beer or hard liquor (and who needs a refill)
- Which way a putt breaks
- Which club you are using

And here are some unacceptable topics of conversation on golf outings with other dudes:
- The cart girl is about the same age as your daughter
- How much you love your wife, even if you do
- What type of product you prefer to use in your hair
- Religion
- How pissed off you are that a certain friend did not hire your firm to represent his client in a civil case
- In general, work related stuff is bad, but it's okay if it ends with something funny
- Wine (that's right, wine snobs - I'm looking at you)
- How you (or your team) are not getting enough strokes ("Who made up these handicaps? There's no way I'm a 15. I shot 105 last time I played.")
- Caddyshack II
- How cool it would be to get a hole-in-one (just like a pitcher who is pitching a no-hitter - you don't talk about it and jinx it)

I was a little disappointed in the general skepticism that many of the guys (100% Michigan alumni) showed regarding the RichRod era. Personally, as I have stated previously on this blog, I am excited and intrigued by the new coaching staff. I was not one of the guys calling for Lloyd's head, but I am genuinely optimistic about this season. Michigan is nowhere in the rankings, and teams may start out taking them lightly - at their own peril. The main strength of the spread offense is it's versatility. It exploits matchups. If the 6'5" TE is lined up against a 5'9" DB, you throw it to him. If the FB is in the flat against a smallish CB, toss the ball his way and let him mow the guy down like a road grader. If the DL is spread across the field, run thru the gaps. If the fancy-pants new offense does not get it done for some reason (the inexperienced offensive line is my biggest concern), the defense should be good enough to keep the Wolverines in most games.

Anyway, more in-depth analysis may come in a couple weeks, but for now, I'm still sticking with 9-3 as my prediction.

Please add more ideas for the questionnaire in the comments. I have almost a full year to come up with something for next year's outing...

Tour de France

2008-07-24T21:24:00.006-04:00

So the 2008 Tour de France is nearing its finish in Paris on Sunday. Top reasons most of you aren't even aware of this:
- Lance Armstrong has retired after winning SEVEN of these things and now gets more press for canoodling with Kate Hudson than getting on a bike
- Another American winner, Floyd Landis, was disqualified and failed in his appeal to clear his name from doping charges.
- It's in France, and you're probably more likely to know about the big WNBA brawl between Los Angeles and Detroit than a bunch of guys riding bikes.
- The only real coverage for it is on Versus, a tertiary cable sports station and its website (http://www.versus.com/tdf/)

Here are a few reasons why you should pay attention:

- These guys ride over 2,000 miles in three weeks with only two rest days
- Each stage (save the two time trials) is around 100 miles and the insane mountain stages include climbs that most of us wouldn't want to walk, let alone ride up on a bike
- It's not only an individual sport, but there are teams of nine riders each who work together to help their lead rider win
- The coverage on Versus is great. The announcers are fantastic and really make it interesting. If you catch yourself ever watching the travel channel, this is as good or better for promoting the French mountains and countryside
- The fans are nuts and love it. I'm really hoping to go see one in person in the future

I believe Lawman said he got to witness this awesome spectacle in person once. I'd love to hear more. These guys get going at speeds of over 50 miles an hour on their descents. They eat, drink and even piss on their bikes. They have arms leaner than a supermodel, but their legs can crank out wattage like you wouldn't believe. It's incredible. And regarding the whole doping mess that's practically brought down the Tour, they are more strict than ever and have a no-tolerance policy where they are actively seeking out anyone suspicious and subjecting them to random testing. A few riders were booted this year. It's crazy. Why if you know they're doing this would you put yourself in that situation. These riders have been fired from their teams without pay and banned from riding for the forseeable future.

Cadel Evans, from Australia, looks like he's going to overtake Carlos Sastre of Spain to win this, but he'll have to make up a 1:34 gap in Saturday's time trial. They say he's a better time trial rider. Sunday's final stage into Paris and the Champs-Elysees is more ceremonial than anything, where tradition has it that the rider that starts the day in the lead gets to finish with it.

I'm just getting more and more into cycling myself, but would love to hear other riders and fans comment and talk about their thoughts with the Tour and professional cycling.

Mind Games on The Golf Course

2008-07-22T13:48:00.002-04:00

We have a big golf outing this weekend, and I thought I'd explore some interesting ways to mess with your golf partners and opponents. I'm not talking about obvious things like coughing in the middle of a backswing, or dropping your club on the green as your opponent is about to putt or yelling "miss it" or throwing things. I'm talking about subtler stuff (some are obviously more subtle than others). This can be done in the name of gambling or simply for the sake of annoyance. They don't always have their intended effect, but they're fun anyway (sorry for the use of the masculine pronoun "he," but it takes too much effort to type "he or she" and "they" just doesn't sound grammatically correct):

Come up with an arcane and complicated scoring system. This will throw any player off, as he is thinking about what each shot means to his overall score.
Concede putts early, not late. When the round is just getting started, give him the three footers. When you're on the back nine, make him putt them out. Either that, or just randomly decide which putts to concede, so when he approaches the putt, he'll never know whether or not you plan to say, "that's good."
Talk about how great his swing looks, and how he must have been taking lessons. This will lull him into feeling that he's good when in fact he sucks. Also, talk about how great he looked on the range and how everything he hit on the range was dead straight. "Hmm, I wonder why you're not hitting 'em like that now."
Fart loudly at inopportune moments. On the tee as he's about to hit. When he's standing over a putt. This is not always under your control, but it's useful. "Did somebody step on a duck?"
Stand in his field of view for all shots and make small quick movements. Stand right behind the hole while he's putting.
Park the golf cart uncomfortably close to his ball. When he asks you to move the cart, back it up and relocate it to a spot directly behind him.
Be a stickler for rules. Threaten to dole out penalty shots for violations, even though you have no intention of doing so - "Dude, you grounded your club in the sand trap. You know that's against the rules, right? Next time I'll have to penalize you." His next bunker shot is guaranteed to be a clunker.
Talk about how fast (or slow) the greens are today, right as he lines up a putt. "Man, did you see what happened on Steve's putt? The greens sure are quick today."
Mention the water hazard in front of him. "Dude, don't even think about the water. It's not even in play. Just put it on the green."
Copious amounts of alcohol are always helpful...
"Cut the hamstring on the back of his right leg, right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again - because his weight displacement goes back, and all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game."

Okay, so the last one isn't so much of a "mind game," but it would work. Add your suggestions in the comments...

British Open Recap

2008-07-21T08:38:00.003-04:00

Well, Greg Norman did it again. I was hoping he could hang on, but he got off to a bad start (three straight bogeys) and never recovered. In fact the result was eerily similar to his collapse in the 1996 Masters. Lets compare:

* Led in both 1996 and 2008 going into the final round. In 1996, by 6 and in 2008 by 2.
* Shot 78 in the final round in 1996. Shot 77 in the final round in 2008.
* In 1996, he was beaten by his playing partner Nick Faldo, and was outscored by 11 strokes. In 2008, he was beaten by his playing partner Padraig Harrington and was outscored by 8 strokes. Actually, when you are outscored like that, "beaten" doesn't really cover it. He was crushed.
* Lost in 1996 by five strokes. Lost in 2008 by six strokes.
* In both years, lost to a former winner of the tournament from the British Isles.

Oh well, so much for all the history-making events that were going to unfold on Sunday. It's too bad. I was rooting for Norman. But he looked like a totally different player on Sunday. He looked every bit like someone who was 1-for-8 with the lead entering the final round of a major. Now he's 1-for-9. Suffice to say, he's not a good frontrunner.

Just as a point of reference. Tiger Woods is 14-for-14 with at least a share of the lead entering the final round of a major. Unreal.

Incidentally, I am not trying to take away anything from Padraig Harrington, who played about as well as anyone could on the back nine yesterday. But Norman still handed him the title on a silver platter with his poor start and his inability to recover from it.

Greg Norman

2008-07-18T10:58:00.008-04:00

Believe it or not, Greg Norman is leading the British Open. He's put up two rounds of even par 70, and is the only player in the field that is not over par. Obviously, there are still lots of players out on the course that have not completed their second round, but if this stands up and he is at or near the lead after today, he will be in position to become the oldest major winner ever. The previous oldest was not, as I thought it would be, Jack Nicklaus. Jack was a couple months past his 46th birthday when he won the Masters back in 1986. The oldest major winner was actually Julius Boros, who won the PGA championship in 1968 when he was 48 years old. Greg Norman is 53 years old, so winning here would shatter the old record by five years.

In his younger days, "The Shark" was always known as somewhat of a choker, and was also the victim of two of golf's most amazing major-winning shots (my boy Bob Tway holing out from the bunker in the 1986 PGA, and Larry Mize chipping in the 1987 Masters). In 1986, Norman held the lead in all four majors after the third round of play, but only managed to win the British Open. Norman is one of only two players to have competed in playoffs in all four major championships (the other is someone named Chris Wood, who also lost all of them). He doesn't even really play much anymore (he's only played in 3 Senior Tour events since he turned 50), but he just married Chris Evert, one of my first boyhood crushes (come on, admit it - compared to other female tennis players in her day, she was pretty hot). And she still looks pretty good.

Anyway, here's hoping that The Shark can hang on and make history. The Open has always been his favorite event, and the one in which he's had the greatest success (two wins). Perhaps with Ms. Evert in his corner, he won't choke it away this time. For someone with a fierce nickname like "The Shark," he's never been much of a killer.

UPDATE: John Daly is +14 for the day thru 14 holes. He took a nine on the par 4 13th hole. Ouch. I can't wait to see the highlights of that one on the golf channel tonight.

UPDATE: Daly finished with an 89 today. He shot a 49 on the back nine. Holy crap. Worst round of the championship by four shots. At least he finished his round.

The British Open

2008-07-16T16:12:00.013-04:00

Last year's British Open (or "The Open Championship," as Brits smugly refer to it) was like most other British Opens. It featured unlikely leaders, odd bounces, and strange occurances. This year's Open begins tomorrow, and here are my predictions for this week at Royal Birkdale (in case you have not heard, Tiger will not be there):

The first round leader will finish ten shots behind the winner and will be an unheralded European Tour or Asian Tour journeyman (Peter Baker, Nick Dougherty, Hideto Tanihara, etc.).
Someone unexpected will win. Past winners include Ben Curtis, Todd Hamilton, and Paul Lawrie - and that's just in the last ten years. The Open always has lots of names that we Americans have not heard of because the participants come from all over the world, not just the US PGA tour (Hennie Otto? Who the hell is that?).
Ernie Els will finish in the top 5. He's finished fourth or better in six of the past eight years.
John Daly will shoot at least one round of 78 or higher (par is 70 this week).
John Daly and Angel Cabrera will smoke four packs of cigs between them in the first round.

You didn't expect me to pick a winner without Tiger in the field, did you? Fine. I'll pick Boo Weekley. Happy now?

Fun with Names
In looking thru the names in the field, I thought it might be mildly interesting to come up with some pairings that the BBC announcers, with their dry Brit humour, could have some fun with:

The Adverb Group - Daly, Weekley, and Baddeley
"Daly struck that putt weakly and it turned out very badly."
"Baddeley and Weekley have been working out daily in preparation for The Open."

The Weather Group - Blizard, Storm, and Frost
"Storm has played well, but Blizard has been blinding."
"Frost has icewater in his veins."

The Fruit Group - Appleby and Appleyard
"Wow, that shot by Appleby was delicious."
"Appleyard's shot did not fall far from the tree."

The Barnyard Group - Horsey, and Lamb
"Horsey has a long face after that tragic treble bogey."
"Lamb's got to start cooking if he's going to make the cut."
"That was a baaaaaad putt by Lamb."
"Horsey took a run at the tricky 20-footer, but the golfing gods said 'nay'."

Fun with Photos
With apologies to the "men who look like old lesbians" website, these photos from the Open Championship website appear like they could be interchangeable with some pictures of LPGA golfers:

And this guy has the goofiest photo in the bunch - he looks like he's about 12 years old.

And last but not least, there is a golfer in the field by the name of David Smail. If I had a dollar for every time this line will be uttered in his proximity this week, I think I'd be a fairly rich man.

"Fifty bucks the Smail kid picks his nose."

Enjoy the tournament this weekend.

Go Boo!

Ohio State ticket shenanigans

2008-07-14T09:48:00.005-04:00

http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=433097

This sounds pretty crazy to me. OSU is implementing a lottery system for tickets.

Now, any dues-paying alumni association member who applies for tickets must be chosen and assigned to a game at random and may then purchase two tickets, under the lottery system announced in the spring. The process is the same whether the person has been buying Buckeyes football tickets for half a century or never tried to get them before.

I know this would not sit well with those of you with Michigan season tickets. How would you like to get stuck with two tickets to the EMU game? Or get shut out entirely, like this guy?

Still, he's luckier than David Alexander, a 20-year ticket buyer who's among 4,500 applicants -- 10 percent of the total -- shut out completely this year.

I hope this is not indicative of a possible future at Michigan Stadium. It would be a shame if the concept of seniority is totally lost.

Go Blue.

Moneyball

2008-07-09T22:25:00.001-04:00

I certainly support Michigan Football as an avid fan, but this Rich Rodriguez saga just smacks of all the disgusting aspects of big time sports. Money, money, money. I know that is where it has all gone and it is reality, but I don’t have to enjoy it. Especially when one of the last bastions of “purity” - Michigan Football - has to be dragged through it all (in quotes because the ‘old’ Michigan was driven by money, just on a different scale). All’s well that ends well? Well, I am not so sure that Michigan forking over $2.5 is ending well, but suckers like me paying for seat licenses, tickets, and sweatshirts are footing the bill. Even bigger suckers will be stepping up to the plate to buy boxes, club seats, and whatever Michigan decides to hawk. The entire sports and entertainment world is vile, but we keep coming back and throwing our money at them.
Money aside, the manner in which RR left his alma matter is questionable at best, despicable at worst. He may be a great football coach, but I do not like the way he went about his business. Why anything surprises me anymore, well…surprises me! Not much is sacred anymore, but it is what it is.
It sure will be nice when we actually start playing football instead of hearing about lawsuits and conditioning programs. Well, maybe on week two it will be – after ESPN inundates us all with App State lowlights.Go Blue!

Dr. Obvious Speaks

2008-07-07T13:34:00.005-04:00

This year's "winner" Joey Chestnut, enjoying a holiday weiner.

This week's winner for the quote containing the least amount of new information comes to us from Dr. Marc Siegel (now forever to be known as "Dr. Obvious"), a professor at the New York University School of Medicine. This could become a regular feature if people continue to be quoted by news services with stuff like this (this is from the AP):

"Hot dogs are extremely unhealthy, especially when eaten at high volume. They're really processed. They have high cholesterol and too much salt," he said. "One is bad for you, five's worse and 50 is terrible," he said.

In case you were unaware, this quote is in reference to the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest held annually on July fourth weekend at Coney Island in NYC.

In other news, running with the Bulls is risky:

Any other obvious news you'd like to point out? Leave it in the comments...

Happy Holidays!

2008-07-03T16:42:00.001-04:00

Play safely this weekend. Don't blow yourself up....

Big Ten Football and Fictional Seinfeld Movies

2008-06-26T11:57:00.007-04:00

Okay, since football season is approaching, I thought I'd post another one of those silly "X compared to Y" things. So, without further ado, I give you: Big Ten Teams as Fictional Seinfeld Movies.

"Death Blow" - Ohio State
Kramer's friend Brody ropes Jerry into bootlegging "Death Blow" during "The Little Kicks" episode. Jerry does such a fantastic job of shooting the bootleg that Brody strongly insists that he also film an arty movie called "Cry, Cry Again." Death Blow is apparently a badass character in the movie. Jim Tressel, and perhaps even Terrelle Pryor, could be OSU's Death Blow. Their recent string of success has Michigan fans in a state of depression and fear. And much like Brody asking Jerry to shoot another bootleg, the BCS keeps asking OSU back to the title game, despite how they keep butchering it.

Tagline: "Death Blow: When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether!"

"Cry, Cry Again" - Michigan
As referenced above, "Cry, Cry Again" is the arty movie that Jerry refused to bootleg for Brody, so Kramer does it himself - poorly, according to Jerry, who now thinks of himself of an expert in bootlegged movies. The end of the movie is taped over by Elaine, who filmed herself dancing to see how bad she really was. Michigan has lost five of the last six games to OSU, and their fans have cried and cried again over this development. The Wolverines are trying to get their mojo back with the hiring of Rich Rodriguez - not unlike the character in "Cry, Cry Again" who buys a loaf of bread.

Quote: "He's trying to buy a loaf of his soul."

Meet Rich Rodriguez - a loaf of soul.

"Sack Lunch" - Michigan State
"Sack Lunch" is the movie that Elaine wanted to see instead of "The English Patient." The implication was that mindless crappy summer comedies are sometimes better than the critically acclaimed dramatic epic blockbusters. MSU would like to win awards and accolades like "The English Patient," but they're most likely going to be relegated to "Sack Lunch" status - sometimes decent, sometimes bad, always hilarious in spots.

Quote: "So d'you think they got shrunk down, or is it just a giant sack?"

"Rochelle Rochelle" - Illinois
During the episode called, appropriately, "The Movie," the gang is supposed to meet up to see "Checkmate" at the Paragon - or is it the Paradise? Things got all wacky and George ended up seeing "Rochelle Rochelle" instead, where he also ran into Jerry and Elaine. I get the feeling that Illinois is going to fall flat this year. Much like "Rochelle Rochelle," I don't think there's much substance there. Both "Rochelle Rochelle" and The Illini have flashy features - nudity, Juice Williams, Arellius Benn, nudity, Ron Zook - but neither is ultimately very satisfying.

Tagline: "A young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk."

"Prognosis Negative" - Iowa
During the episode called "The Dog" (starring the unseen Farfel), Jerry, Elaine and George have to repeatedly scrap plans to see this movie together due to Jerry's unplanned dogsitting duties. Eventually, Jerry and George go see it together while Elaine stays at Jerry's with the dog. Iowa seems to be getting worse every year, and I thank the heavens above that Michigan didn't hire Ferentz this offseason. Their prognosis is indeed negative for the upcoming season.

Quote: "No, it's supposed to be really bad, *really* bad. I mean it's long, there's no story, it's so unbelievably boring."

"Ponce de Leon" - Penn State
While Jerry stayed home with the dog, Elaine and George went to see "Ponce de Leon." George and Elaine had differing opinions on the quality of the movie. Elaine gave it a thumbs down, and George gave it a thumbs up. Penn State is similarly getting mixed reviews for the upcoming season. They don't have an experienced QB, they lost their top running back, their top receiver, and their top CB. I don't see a whole lot there to think they'll be anymore than a middle-of-the-pack team in the Big Ten. In addition, JoePa is like a hundred years old, but continues to coach like he's dipped into Ponce's fountain of youth.

Quote: "When Ponce looked in that mirror and saw that he hadn't changed, and that tear started to roll down his cheek? ... I lost it."

"The Pain and The Yearning" - Minnesota
Elaine decides to see a Gene pick, "Weekend at Bernie's," instead of this 192-minute-long Vincent pick. Minnesota fans, after a dreadful 1-11 season last year, are experiencing much pain and yearning. Unless Tim Brewster shows some sign of progress, Gopher fans are really gonna be yearning for a return to the Glen Mason years.

Tagline: "An old woman experiences pain and yearning."

"Blame It On The Rain" - Indiana
This is the movie that Elaine and Todd Gack go see when Means To An End is sold out. So, basically, it was their fallback or plan B. Indiana is a fallback school for two to three star recruits who don't get offers from ND, Michigan, OSU, Wisconsin, Missouri, Illinois, or Iowa.

Quote: "Come on. Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. He made a bet he knew he was going to lose just to take you to dinner "

"The Other Side of Darkness" - Northwestern
This movie was a direct-to-video release (Kramer - "that makes me the premier") that Kramer rented and led him to pay a visit to a lawyer to make out his living will. However, he had only watched the first part of the movie, in which a woman went into a coma. After watching the rest of the movie, during which the woman comes out of the coma, Kramer has second thoughts - he had no idea that you could come out of a coma. Northwestern is like the woman in the movie, but we're just not sure which part. Are they going to be comatose this season, or are they going to be refreshed and ready after coming out of their coma?

Quote: "I, Cosmo Kramer, having just seen the movie The Other Side Of Darkness, and not wanting to be in a coma like that lady in the movie, hereby want Jerry Seinfeld to remove my life support, feeding machine, lung-blower, etc, etc, etc."

"Blimp: The Hindenburg Story" - Purdue
This is the movie that was playing in the "The Puerto Rican Day" episode. George wants to shout out a great line ("that's gotta hurt!") during the movie, but a dude with a laser pointer gets more laughs. Purdue is kinda blimp-like. They're predictable, they have the old-man smell/feeling (Joe Tiller looks like Wilford Brimley), and they're bound to go down in flames at some time during the season.

Quote: "Damn you, laser guy! You had to grab it all with your lowbrow laser shtick! You're just a prop comic! Where's the craft?!"

"Chunnel" - Wisconsin
This is the movie that Elaine, Jerry, and Susan go see together, much to the dismay of "Independent George." The plot is so confusing that Elaine and Jerry end up discussing the plot during the whole movie ("I thought he was with them - isn't he with them?"), thereby pissing off Susan. Every year, Wisconsin seems to have a glaring deficiency, but they somehow end up near the top of the Big Ten standings, mostly by sticking to conservative grind-it-out running and good defense. Their success is as inexplicable as the plot of "Chunnel."

Quote: "You're killing Independent George! You know that, don't you?"

And, of course I always love to pile on the Irish when I can, so here's a team that plays several Big Ten teams every year (OK, so it's an actual movie - so sue me):

"The English Patient" - Notre Dame
Elaine didn't like the movie, but no one could believe that she didn't like it. It was a totally overrated and overhyped movie that was full of itself and boring, even though it won a lot of undeserved awards. You see where I'm going with this. Do I need to say anymore?

Quote: "I can't do this any more. I can't. It's too long. (to the screen) Quit telling your stupid story, about the stupid desert, and just die already! (louder) Die!!"

Leave more ideas in the comments.

Barack Obama and "Distortions"

2008-06-25T09:35:00.004-04:00

Barack Obama distorted the bible? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but doesn't just about every single preacher do that? Religion is largely based on religions leaders interpreting ancient texts (the Bible, the Torah, or the Koran) and presenting them to people in such a way that they decide that your interpretation is the best one and the one that makes the most sense to each individual - and then those people give you money. Whether these interpretations are "distortions" or not is a judgement call. One man's distortion is another man's interpretation. Senator Obama read the bible and picked out a passage and mentioned it in a speech, including an interpretation of what he thinks it means. How is that different than Reverend John Doe picking out the same passage and using it in a sermon on Sunday, providing his own interpretation of the passage? Isn't the entire reason for different sects of religions (Islam - Suni and Shia; Christianity - Catholic, Protestant; Judaism - Hasidic, Reform) the differing interpretations of their religious texts? Even within religious sects like Protestants there are sub-sects like Lutherans, Presbyterians, Baptists, etc.

I guess my point is this for this Dobson fella: calling out someone for "distorting" the Bible is really treading on shaky ground. If you are going to call out Senator Obama for distorting the Bible, you better start calling out every clergyman in the country for distortion as well. He just didn't like Obama's interpretation. To Senator Obama, perhaps Dobson's view is a "distortion." Pot, meet kettle.

I hate hypocrisy. I'm outraged at Dobson's outrage.

Death and Tiger Woods

2008-06-24T08:21:00.004-04:00

Death and Tiger Woods. That appears to be the focus of this blog if you look at the couple weeks. Each of the last six posts on this site have dealt with one of those two topics. Why am I obsessed with death and Tiger Woods? It's kinda depressing.

The Tiger Woods part I can see. I think Tiger is pretty cool. He's got a great job, a hot wife, and all the money he'll ever need. Writing about Tiger Woods is understandable and excusable, especially considering his amazing US Open victory. However, the death posts are harder to understand. Part of the reason for this is that sometimes when I'm looking for blog post ideas, I'll peruse "this day in history" sites and sometimes the most interesting stuff is about death (OJ, Rod Beck, Vince Welnick, etc.). And Carlin just died, so I had to write a brief tribute to him. Anyway, those are just excuses for my recent tendencies (as the saying goes - excuses are like assholes...). Now, since the eleven readers of this blog are not exactly in a position to psychoanalyze me, I will try to do it myself. Why am I writing about death? Let's look at the possibilities:

I have a deadly disease or someone close to me just died
I feel fine and no family members have died recently - but I do have a bit of a cold that's been hanging on by a thread for the last two weeks or so. Perhaps a doctor visit is in order. If someone in my family dies in the next couple weeks, perhaps these death posts are a premonition (cue the Twilight Zone music).

Football season approaches
This is an interesting one. While I consciously have a great deal of optimism about the upcoming season and the start of the RichRod era at Michigan, perhaps subconsciously I am dreading the possible results. Who's gonna play QB? Will the leftovers from the Lloyd regime fit in with the new style? Will the Barwis training methods kill some players before the season starts? Why can't we park in the Grey Lot anymore?

Tiger Woods knee injury
Could it be that death and Tiger Woods are related in my mind? His US Open victory was no doubt inspiring, but maybe the news that he's shutting it down for the rest of the year is like a death in my mind. No more Tiger news for the rest of the year? I may have to do some work around the house on weekends now. Epic tragedy.

Sports news lull
Basketball season is over. Hockey season is over. Tiger is down for the year. Baseball season is mired in the "dog days" of an extremely long season. The Triple Crown went unclaimed yet again. Until the Olympics start and football season starts, the sports landscape looks kinda bleak.

Lack of creative ideas
When I can't think of anything on my own, the "this day in history" posts are a bit of a crutch, and I've probably been overusing those recently.

Busier at work
Don't get me wrong - I like being busy at work. But when I'm busy thinking about mundane engineering stuff, my creative juices are not overflowing.

Realization of my own mortality
Yikes. This is mid-life crisis stuff. I don't think I'm there yet.

While this is not exactly earth-shatteringly disturbing or anything, I would like to get back to posting funny stuff again as soon as I find some inspiration. I am confident that since the Olympics and football season are approaching, I'll find something fun and interesting to write about. But for all or some of the above reasons, I am in a bit of a down cycle. Not to worry though. I feel a Summer Olympics post gurgling up inside me. Or maybe that's just the breakfast burrito I just ate.

This Day In History - Rod Beck

2008-06-23T14:26:00.003-04:00

Sorry to dwell on death, but today marks the first anniversary of the death of baseball pitcher Rod Beck. Beck was a good relief pitcher for four different major league teams - the Giants, the Cubs, the Red Sox, and the Padres. He died at the age of 38, and the cause of death was not disclosed (although cocaine was found in his home after his death). He was always a bit of an oddball, and looked very intimidating on the mound, mainly due to his considerable girth, his intense scowl, his badass fun manchu mustache, and his professionally sculpted mullett. Ironically, he cemented his legendary status not as a major leaguer, but during a stint in the minor leagues. While pitching for the Cubs minor league affiliate in Des Moines, Beck lived in an RV behind the team's stadium and always welcomed fans in for a cold beer, to use his restroom, and just to talk baseball. He had a neon blue martini-glass-shaped light in the window of his camper. The rule was: if it's on, the bar's open. And it was always on.

Another American original, taken before his time. There's no one left in the league like him anymore. Rod, the light is on for you and George Carlin tonight. When you see George stroll by your camper, invite him in for a cold one.

George Carlin - Occupation: Foole

2008-06-23T07:55:00.007-04:00

I was shocked and saddened when I woke up this morning and read that George Carlin died yesterday. He was one of my all-time favorite comedians and, as far as I know, was one of the first comedians to be featured on HBO. My family had HBO back in my teen years of the early 80's when "Carlin on Campus" and "Carlin at Carnegie" were on. He had a wonderful way of looking at language, religion, and life in general that resonated with me personally. He's probably most famous for "The Seven Words You Can Never Say On TV." "Why don't you list them out," you say? Sure, why not. If George could get away with it in 1972, I should be able to get away with it on a seldom read blog: Shit Piss Fuck Cunt Cocksucker Motherfucker Tits. As a tribute to George, I suggest everyone go out and use at least one of the "Seven Words" today. Here's to you, George.

Leave your own favorite George Carlin memories in the comments if you wish.

ADDED: Since this is nominally a blog about sports sometimes, I feel like I would be remiss if I did not mention the sheer brilliance of Carlin's "Baseball vs. Football" bit. It's a classic.

Tiger Woods - US Open Champ

2008-06-16T16:41:00.004-04:00

So, Tiger pulled it out on the first sudden death playoff hole to finally put Rocco Mediate away on the 91st hole of the US Open. One thing's for sure - Rocco has certainly found himself some new fans. He fought all the way and gave Tiger all he could handle. But twice in this US Open he made putts on the final hole when he had to - on the 18th on Sunday to get into a playoff, and on the 18th today to send it to sudden death. Amazing.

I'd say Tiger is playing pretty well the last couple years. Since he missed the cut in the 2006 US Open in his first tournament after the death of his father, he has been on a tear. In the last eight majors since then, he has gone 1-1-T2-T2-T12-1-2-1. Four wins and three second place finishes in eight tries. During that same period (about two years) he has won a total of 17 tournaments. The dude can play - even with an injured knee.

My hat's off to you, Tiger. It's good to be the king...

Tiger Woods

2008-06-16T07:47:00.021-04:00

Well, I have not been able to find a picture of it yet, but I know it's out there. Tiger has done it again. He has managed to mess up another great high five opportunity. After sinking the twelve footer on the 18th hole of the US Open on Sunday, Tiger and caddy Steve Williams attempted another high five and came up woefully short. Steve ended up with Tiger's forearm in his hand. I know in the heat of the moment, after making a pressure putt, it's tough to execute a successful high five, but Stevie and Tiger should either practice this move, or try something else. What else would be appropriate:

- The Chest Bump: This one may be a little risky for Tiger with his injured knee, but the chest is a much larger target than the hand. It might have to be a somewhat subdued "feet on the ground" chest bump.

- The Exuberant Hug: This one is a good choice. Not much chance of a miss here. Just open your arms and grab. However, Steve is usually holding the flag stick in this situation, so there could be significant injury risk.

- The Primal Scream: If they scream loudly at each other just inches apart, that would eliminate the need for any body contact at all. Not much chance of anything going wrong, but it is kinda weak. This is the equivalent of laying up.

- The Kiss: A big wet kiss is always good for a celebration. In Talladega Nights, Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard gave each other a big kiss, and it was not at all gay. Okay, it was a little gay. This is a high risk maneuver. If the kiss goes on too long, it could get awkward for everyone. This is the equivalent of going for the green over the water out of the bunker - while wearing a hot pink shirt with an ascot.

- A Dance: If Tiger can practice for hours on the range, I think these guys can manage to come up with an NFL-style celebration dance that is dignified enough for the golf course. This would take a little practice and creativity.

- The Lap: After making the putt, Tiger could take a lap around the green, Hale Irwin style, and high five the gallery. This is a nice one for the fans, and could be done in combination with any of the other celebrations. But Tiger's knee could make this a bit of a dodgy proposition.

- The Laydown: Tiger could just collapse in exhaustion and relief after making the putt. Stevie would then jump on top of him and dry hump him for 4.8 seconds, because five seconds would be totally gay.

My advice to Tiger: either practice and correctly execute the high five, or try something else. It's very embarrassing for you. My choice for Tiger and Steve would be a big hug, followed by a 0.5 second long kiss. Anyone have any other ideas?

NOTE: I am aware the the high fiving picture of Tiger and Steve shown above is from the Masters. If anyone has a screen shot of the offensive high five from yesterday, please direct me toward it in the comments.

This Day In History - OJ

2008-06-12T11:40:00.008-04:00

If the gloves don't fit, OJ's full of shit.

Wow. Today marks 14 years since the murder of Ron Goldman and Nicole Simpson in what has to be considered one of the most famous unsolved mysteries in the history of the U.S. justice system. The L.A. district attorneys at the time had enough evidence to hold a trial, but were lacking critical evidence that could have tied the suspect, Orenthal Simpson (apparently some sort of famous athlete of some kind), to the crime scene. If only they had definitive proof that the suspect was at the crime scene - you know, maybe his blood or something. If only they had a way to test the blood that they found - you know, something like DNA testing that is commonly used today by crime labs and TV shows alike. If only they could have found a footprint with a distinctive tread pattern at the scene, and then tied the pattern to a pair of shoes of the same size to the suspect. If only they could have found the victim's blood on articles of the suspect's clothing, or in the suspect's car. But alas, none of these items were presented into evidence*, the suspect was found not guilty and this case remains unsolved. Thank god that the acquitted suspect is still searching for the real killers, or this case might remain unsolved forever.

The OJ Simpson trial was quite a spectacle. But the trial did do one thing for America. It spurred the public's interest in DNA evidence and crime scene investigations (forensics) in general. While there were lots of cop shows and lawyer shows before the OJ trial, I cannot think of too many that were related to forensics. "Quincy" is the only one that comes to mind. Since then, the following forensics-focused shows have aired on TV and have flourished (these are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head):

- CSI
- CSI: Miami
- CSI: NY
- Without a Trace
- Cold Case
- Crossing Jordan

In shows like these (and even in real-life trials), DNA evidence is considered practically infallible. Fourteen years ago - not so much. I have a feeling that, due to the public's mainstream exposure to CSI-type shows, if the same trial were held today, a different verdict may have been reached.

*may not be true

U.S. Open Preview

2008-06-12T08:33:00.009-04:00

I hate to say it*, but this U.S. Open is Phil Mickelson's to lose. He'll never have a better chance to beat Tiger Woods, who's operating with one bad wheel and is bound to be a bit rusty after two months away from competitive golf. And for the first two rounds, he'll be playing head-to-head with Tiger in the same group. If he's ever going to stand up and stare into the eyes of Tiger and beat him, this is as good a chance as he's going to get. Although Phil has won three majors, he has yet to shake the label of being a choker in big tournaments. He has finished second in the US Open four times, and twice he double-bogeyed late to lose the Open (2004 and 2006). This is his chance to finally shed that label and bring home the hardware and and $1+ million winner's check.

TRIVIA: Not only have the last four winners of the U.S. Open have been foreigners (Goosen, Campbell, Ogilvy, Cabrera), but they are all from the southern hemisphere. I have no idea what that signifies.

NOTE: To review my "Masters Lookalikes" post from a couple months ago, click here.

* If you think this is an attempt at a "reverse jinx" in an effort to provide karma for Tiger to win, you are correct. I'd love to see Tiger win. The first five words of this post are not true. I do not hate to say it. When I say it's his to lose, that's exactly what I expect Phil to do - lose.

NBA Finals

2008-06-10T21:50:00.002-04:00

I'm trying really hard here to get excited and involved with these NBA finals. But instead of watching game three right now, I am writing this (well, admittedly, it's on in the background).

While I think it's safe to say that David Stern did a few cartwheels when Detroit and San Antonio got eliminated (don't get me started on how Tim Duncan is the most boring athlete in professional sports -- that's another blog entry for later), I just can't see how many people are excited about this series. Are you?

Let's discuss.

First, there's Kobe Bryant. League MVP. Okay, he's really good. Maybe even deserved the award this year. But no one likes him (yet another aside -- is Kobe our generation's Ty Cobb???). I lived in LA when the Lakers won their recent three championships and while I rooted for them, I never really could get too enamored of Kobe. Shaq, now there's a guy you can root for, laugh with and even at, and generally want to watch. Side note: Kobe gets acquitted for rape and last year made around $17MM in endorsements. What does that say?

Next, the Celtics. You can root for KG (guy who's never won one, maybe should have won the MVP); you can root for Paul Pierce (guy who's been on this team for so long and contributed much); or you can even root for Ray Allen (understated but great, kind of like a Joe Dumars type). My problem is that these guys don't really seem like a team. They feel more like a bunch of hired guns brought in to get the job done. Not much emotion or camraderie.

So the NBA tries as it might. Pairing Magic with Larry Bird in that strange half-screen morphing ad campaign is an awkward and almost desperate move. Yeah, this series is really like the Magic/Bird, showtime vs. Celtics dynasty series of legend. Right.

Lot's of other mini-stories too. Perkins from Beaumont, Texas. That town has to be one of the worst in the country. And this guy came straight out of high school. Or Powe. Kid was homeless and went on to excel at Cal and now in Boston. In a way, David Stern is getting just what he asked for -- the promotion of the individual and not the team.

It's not that these finals are awful. They just aren't what they used to be. I think I'll stick with College sports. Or maybe Tiger will put on a show this weekend.

Ho hum.

Scandal! Scandal!

2008-06-10T08:05:00.007-04:00

Well, it's 2008, and Bill Clinton's past is coming back to haunt him again. The former President's sexual misdeeds are about to be capitalized on yet again by his "victims," Paula Jones and Gennifer Flowers. Apparently, these two women are creating a website to describe in detail their encounters with Clinton. Let's begin with the assumption that perhaps Americans are hungry for more details of a former President's sex life. Fine. It's a stretch, but stay with me here. Gennifer Flowers may have an interesting story or two to tell, because she allegedly had an affair with Clinton for twelve years. There could be lots of interesting stories about deviant behavior, possible Clinton perversions, dressing up as Little Bo Peep, beastiality, whatever. But she already told her story in her memoir published in 1995. Are we to believe that she held some stuff out of the book, and only now is she willing to reveal new secrets? Paula Jones' claim is that a state trooper took her up to Bill's hotel room once, and he propositioned her. That's it. And she already told this story to a grand jury. You wanna pay $1.99 to hear Paula Jones retell a story of a single incident that's already in the public record? You wanna pay $1.99 to hear Gennifer Flowers retell a story from her book, which you can probably find for $0.99 in the bargain rack at the local thrift store? Be my guest.

Now, let's forget about my assumption that people still care about this. Talk about striking while the iron is ice-cold. What year is this again? If it was 1998, this might be a good idea. But it's not. I'm not about to claim that there are not suckers out there that are willing to spend money on stupid things (there undoubtedly are), but asking people to spend $1.99 to hear two women retell old stories does not seem like an idea that is destined to succeed. In fact, I would not be surprised if this website is gone in a couple months.

One word to describe this ill-concieved business venture: dumb. What, you have a better one? Put it in the comments then...

Golf Outings for Dummies

2008-06-04T15:58:00.014-04:00

Charles Barkley is #5 and #8, and maybe #12. Where do you fit in?

Summertime is, of course, a great time for golf. There are casual rounds with friends, company outings, group outings, etc. Often, these outings use the scramble format. Sometimes you know the people you're playing with, and sometimes you get stuck with some interesting characters. We have a fraternity golf outing coming up, and I got to thinking how many different types of guys you could have in your scramble foursome. Do you have an outing coming up? If so, you might find some of these people in your group.

1. The Ultra Serious Golfer
This guy is always talking strategy for the foursome. He may or may not be a good golfer, but he thinks he's smarter than everyone by suggesting that "on this hole, we should try to bomb one out there." Thanks for the advice, Gary McCord. He's obsessed with winning. Even when the team is two over after 16 holes, he insists that we still stick to "our strategy," which is actually "his strategy." Usually an insufferable prick.

2. The Guy Who Thinks He's Good, But He's Not
This guy is always insisting that he go last because he's an "A player." His handicap card, which he takes out of his wallet and shows you three times during the round, says that he's an 8, but his scattershot drives tell you otherwise. He routinely turns in bogus scores so he can brag about his handicap. He's got the best equipment and latest technology (laser range finder, training aids, practice putting rig).

3. Drunk Guy
This guy is most likely not a good golfer. His main goal is to find the beer cart girl, and he will buy a dozen beers at a time when she does eventually show up. He might be useful for the front nine, but by the back nine he's a drooling, slurring mess who can't even manage to tell if he's using a 6 iron or a 9 iron. Usually a fun guy to have on your team unless he's a depressing or violent drunk. Usually buys beer for everyone, but drinks most of it himself. Also, most likely to dive into the lake on the 18th hole to retrieve a club thrown in frustration.

4. The Guy Who Plays Once a Year
This guy only gets out to play when there is an occasion - a supplier freebie, a round with the in-laws, charity scramble. He's just happy to hit a good shot every once in a while, and is usually one of the more interesting guy to play with because he doesn't spend all his time playing golf. Usually plays in tennis shoes and either inappropriately long cargo shorts with lots of pockets, or blue jeans. Sometimes plays with rental clubs, or clubs that were manufactured in the 70s (such as "Golden Bear" or "MacGregor" or "Wilson" clubs). Uses predominantly x-out balls or range balls during his round, unless he finds some in the woods.

5. The Guy Who Looks Good, But Is Not
This guy belongs to a country club. He plays at least twice a week. He goes to the range every weekend. But he can't seem to get the handicap below a 25. He's taken lessons, but he always reverts back to that ungainly loopy swing with the hitch in it that he slices like a banana off the tee every other hole. He dresses impeccably, with his club logo golf shirt tucked into his Nike golf shorts, and wearing shoes that appear to have been polished at the club about an hour ago. He can shoot anything from 88 to 115.

6. The Guy Who Analyzes His Swing After He Gets In The Cart
This guy, after hitting a duck hook into the water for the third time on the front nine, gets in the cart and proceeds to analyze his swing for you. "I think I got caught behind that one and used too much hands. I think my club face was too open at the top and I over-rotated my hips. Maybe next time I'll try to come around quicker so my hands can catch up and I don't come over the top and turn it over." Or something like that. He read all the buzzwords in Golf Digest and has no idea what they mean. But he'll claim that he's been tinkering with his swing all day - and he'll explain that that's why he's been spraying shots into the woods. His swing looks exactly the same to you every time.

7. The Guy Who's Always Quoting Caddyshack
This guy, like most red blooded American men of a certain age, has seen Caddyshack approximately 500 times and knows every line. But this guy insists on using a Caddyshack quote at every opportunity: Cinderella Story, Right in The Lumber Yard, Billy Baroo, On your Deathbed You will Receive Total Consciousness, Big Hitter The Lama, It's a Hybrid, Free Bowl of Soup, License to Kill Gophers, Be The Ball, etc. There is nothing inherently wrong with Caddyshack quotes - in fact, everyone should use at least one per round. But using them constantly throughout a 5 hour round gets a little tiresome. So what? So let's dance...

8. The Gambling Guy
This guy, despite the fact that you are playing on the same scramble team, insists on trying to incorporate some sort of a gambling format so that he can have some "action." He's got his bookie on speed dial, and places several bets during the course of the round - partially because he's trying to impress his team members, and partially because he's simply a degenerate douchebag. Talks incessantly about sports and sporting events he has either won big on, or barely lost because of a last minute backdoor cover. NOTE: Speaking of The Gambling Guy, I would absolutely love to play golf with Charles Barkley. He would want to bet on everything, and he would lose just about every time. His swing is horrifying. You could walk away from a round with Charles with some serious spending money for the evening. And the best thing is, he'd take you out for a steak, and to the best strip joint in town after the round. And he'd probably still pay for everything.

9. The Humble Guy
This guy usually has a handicap of 5 or less. He doesn't brag about how good he is or point out how bad you are. He just hits his typically great shots and even helps out the lesser players with their deficiencies, but only if asked. He helps read putts. He usually is on the winning team because not only is he a good player, but he helps make the other players better.

10. The Cocky Guy
This guy also has a handicap of 5 or less, but he is constantly giving the other players unsolicited advice on their shots, thereby ruining their confidence. Has seven sets of golf clubs and a club assembly jig in his garage. Tells you several times throughout the round that your clubs are a half inch too short for you and that the loft and lie of your pitching wedge need to be adjusted. Also, tells you that he can make you some clubs that would better suit a high-handicapper like yourself. Because of his constant badgering, by the back nine you become "Drunk Guy." It's all you can do to keep from wrapping your 9-iron around his neck.

11. The Guy Who Can't Putt
No matter how much practice this guy gets in before the round, it takes him about 14 holes to figure out the speed of the greens. Every putt is either left four feet short or sails ten feet past the hole. When he does get the right speed, it's offline by 20 degrees. On the 17th hole, he'll drain a 30-footer for birdie. This guy is usually also The Guy Who Plays Once a Year.

12. The Guy With The Bad Temper
This guy gets very upset at missing any shot. Usually, after topping his fifth consecutive drive into the pond in front of the tee and using several curse words, he'll slam his club back into his bag and insist that he "was hitting everything perfect at the range" and that he can't fucking believe how fucking bad he's fucking playing. Shit. Then he'll get behind the wheel of the cart and stomp on the gas and give you whiplash.

13. The Bad Etiquette Guy
This guy does everything wrong. He'll drive the cart onto the tees and the greens. He'll walk right through the line of your putt. He'll leave the cart right in front of the green. He'll constantly talk on his phone throughout the round. He will fart in the middle of your backswing. He'll yell across three fairways to get the attention of the beer cart girl. He doesn't mean to do it. He just is oblivious. Might also be Guy Who Plays Once a Year or Drunk Guy.

14. The Fart Guy
This guy will fart audibly at least twice per hole. I don't think much more needs to be said about this guy. He could be, and has been, just about everyone who has ever played a round of golf after a night of drinking. If you don't know the guy you are playing with, and he's the Fart Guy, something very strange is afoot. This behavior is generally only accepted if the players in the foursome know each other. Fart Guy is differentiated from Bad Etiquette Guy in that he farts at appropriate times and not in the middle of your backswing. He'll fart in the middle of his own backswing, but not yours.

15. The Hungover Guy
This guy will spend the front nine barely able to speak and downing Gatorade like he's just spent a month in the desert. He'll puke in the bushes while you're waiting on the third tee. At the turn, he'll get a sandwich and take a crap - and he might turn out to be your best player on the back nine. Hungover Guy might also be Fart Guy.

16. The Complicated Scoring Guy
This guy wants to implement a scoring system so needlessly complex that none of the participants have any idea while they are playing whether they are scoring well or not. System usually involves much more math than is necessary. Person implementing this scoring system is typically a control freak who can't understand why no one can understand his "simple" system. "So you got a par there, but because it an even numbered hole, you get to take one off your score. But then you add one back to the total because you three putted. So it's still a par." What?

17. The Obnoxious Guy
This guy is obnoxious in every way. He rolls golf carts on steep inclines. He drops his pants in front of the beer cart girls. He hides the golf balls of groups following behind him. He hits into groups in front of him, just for fun. He jams the flagstick into the ground twenty yards off the green. He'll fart on purpose in the middle of your backswing. Obnoxious Guy is differentiated from Bad Etiquette Guy in that he knows the rules and chooses not to follow them.

I have either been or played with every single one of these people at one time or another. You could say that each of these Guys is based on a specific person but, in actuality, most people are probably a combination of two or more of these, depending on mood, alcohol consumption, playing partners, etc. I can say for sure that I have been at various times These Guys: 2, 3, 6, 7, 11, 12, 14, and 15. Add your suggestions in the comments, and/or lay claim to these identities yourself. Specific stories are welcome as well. If good ideas are submitted, I'll even add to the list.

The Grateful Dead and Spinal Tap

2008-06-02T14:32:00.007-04:00

Today is the two year anniversary of the tragic death of former Grateful Dead keyboard player Vince Welnick. The Grateful Dead's "hotseat" was the behind the keys, but Spinal Tap's hotseat was behind the drum kit.

On the left is a list of Grateful Dead keyboard players and Spinal Tap drummers. On the right is a list of the various ways they died. Match them up correctly and win yourself a big pile of nothing. It should not be to tough to determine which are Spinal Tap and which are Grateful Dead. The trick is, how good are you at matching the fictional drummer to his fictional demise.

1) John "Stumpy" Pepys

2) Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs

3) Peter "James" Bond

4) Mick Shrimpton

5) Richard "Ric" Shrimpton

6) Ron "Pigpen" McKernan

7) Keith Godchaux

8) Brent Mydland

9) Vince Welnick

a) Spontaneously combusted onstage

b) Car accident

c) Gastrointenstinal hemorrhage

d) Died in a bizarre, unexplained gardening accident

e) Speedball overdose

f) Allegedly sold his dialysis machine for drugs, presumed dead

g) Committed suicide by slitting his own throat in front of his wife

h) Choked on vomit of unknown origin

i) Onstage explosion

Rest in Peace, Vince.

answers: 1-d; 2-h; 3-a; 4-i; 5-f; 6-c; 7-b; 8-e; 9-g

The Detroit Pistons - Then and Now

2008-05-29T14:12:00.003-04:00

I was pondering the Pistons' recent string of very good teams, which includes one NBA title and six consecutive trips to the conference finals in the last six years. They are undoubtedly a steady and very good team, but they have taken advantage of a relatively weak Eastern Conference. The best team during their recent run has been maybe the Miami Heat in 2006 (?). The Bad Boys era, however, was an era of strength in the Eastern Conference. During the years the Pistons were good (late 80s/early 90s), the Bulls were on the rise with MJ, the Hawks were always good with Dominique and Doc Rivers, the Cavs had Price, Daugherty, and Nance, the Sixers had an old Dr. J and a young Barkley, and of course the Celtics still had Larry and the gang. The late 80s/early 90s were arguably the NBA's last era of supreme competitiveness. They had to be great just to get through the Eastern Conference. Recently - not so much. Let's look at a position by position comparison between the current Pistons and their Bad Boy Era counterparts:

Point Guard - Isiah Thomas vs. Chauncey Billups
Don't get me wrong. I think Chauncey is in maybe the top five point guards in the league right now. But Isiah was probably the best point guard ever: 25 points in the fourth quarter. Against the Lakers. In the NBA finals. On a broken ankle. This is a clear advantage to the Bad Boys. Sorry Chauncey - you are "Mr. Big Shot," but you've got "No Shot" in this contest.
Bad Boys-1, New Boys-0

Shooting Guard - Joe Dumars vs. Richard Hamilton
This is a close one. Joe D was a great defender and a very good shooter. Rip is a great scorer, a relentless off-the-ball motion guy, and an underrated defender. I love watching Rip come off screens and bury 15-footers, but I think Joe D gets the nod here. He is a Hall-of-Famer, after all. This one could swing the other way in a few years if Hamilton keeps up his current production.
Bad Boys-2, New Boys-0

Small Forward - Mark Aguirre vs. Tayshaun Prince
This is another tight contest. Aguirre was a great player at one time (6 straight seasons averaging 22+ ppg), but his role with the Pistons was reduced. Tayshaun Prince is a great defensive player and a pretty good offensive player. He even plays somewhat of a "point forward" position at times. I think Tayshaun gets the nod for his defense. Aguirre, a pudgy, undersized slow small forward by the time he was a Piston, was often not on the floor late in games because of the tremendous defensive skills of Dennis Rodman.
Bad Boys-2, New Boys-1

Power Forward - Rick Mahorn vs. Rasheed Wallace
With all due respect to Rick Mahorn, this is no contest. Mahorn was in the game for his defense and rebounding, but was not known for his offensive skills. Rasheed is a great all-around player who may end up in the Hall of Fame someday. Sheed can score from anywhere on the floor. Mahorn could score if he was within a small three foot radius of the basket. And even that was not a certainty.
Bad Boys-2, New Boys-2

Center - Bill Laimbeer vs. Antonio McDyess
This is a pretty easy one. Laimbeer was a fierce competitor - some might even say he was a dirty player. He would whine after every foul ever called on him. He couldn't jump onto a metro Detroit phonebook. But he was a great outside shooter and a great rebounder. McDyess is a good player, but in fairness to him, he's kinda playing out of position. Laimbeer takes this one.
Bad Boys-3, New Boys-2

Bench - Bad Boys vs. New Boys
This is the biggest landslide of all. The Bad Boys had Vinnie Johnson coming off the bench to spell either Isiah or Joe D and provide instant offense. They had James Edwards to provide the only semblance of a post game the Pistons had (also instant offense). And they had pre-crazy Dennis Rodman and John Salley to provide energy, rebounding, and defense. The current Pistons bench has rookie Rodney Stuckey, who's actually playing rather well, but is not exactly Vinnie Johnson. They have Jason Maxiell, who's an undersized power forward. And they have Theo Ratliff and Lindsey Hunter, who provide a little defense but not much else. Strong advantage fo the Bad Boys.
Bad Boys-4, New Boys-2

Closer than I thought it would be. But two of the positions in the Bad Boys' favor (PG and Bench) were complete landslides, so it's not as close as it looks. Anyway, the Pistons need to summon some of the old Bad Boy karma to get past the Celtics this weekend. If they can make it to the finals, they've got a good shot to take down whatever Western Conference foe they come up against.

CD Review: "Warpaint" - The Black Crowes

2008-05-28T10:19:00.002-04:00

I have never bought a Black Crowes album. Actually, I have always respected their southern jam-band aesthetic (plus the fact that singer Chris Robinson scored himself some sweet Kate Hudson action for seven years before their recent divorce), but it always seemed like they were trying too hard to be rootsy. Their latest release, "Warpaint," however, is a great "comeback" album from a band that had not released new material in seven years. The vocals and guitar are still handled quite adeptly by perpetually feuding brothers Chris and Rich Robinson. With the exception of drummer Steve Gorman, the rest of the band has totally turned over. But in my opinion it's the addition of slide guitar player Luther Dickinson of The North Mississippi All-Stars that takes this album from the realm of the "good" to the realm of the "excellent." The sound evokes The Allman Brothers as well as the more country Rolling Stones stuff, and other "southern-fried" rock bands. On this album, nothing seems forced, and the music is unmistakably genuine and solid. The career arc of The Black Crowes is once again on an upward trend, thanks to this very good collection of songs (can I still call it an album?). If you are so inclined, pick it up - you won't be disappointed.

My Favorite Wolverines

2008-05-21T13:36:00.009-04:00

Okay, it's almost June, so I would like to try to have a Michigan Football post at least once a week up until the season starts. The first installment: my favorite Michigan football players - in no particular order.

Rick Leach (QB - 1975-1978)

"The guts and glue of the Maize and Blue," as Bob Ufer used to call him. He was great during my formative years (75-78), and that's why he's one of my favorite Wolverines of all-time. He shattered all the previous Michigan passing records (which have all since been broken). Great athlete.

Mike Hart (RB - 2004-2007)

Sure, the Michigan records he holds are nice: most career carries; most career yards; most rushing yards by a freshman; most 100 yard rushing games; most 200 yard rushing games. But he was my favorite because he was a relentless runner who never fumbled. He rarely went down on first contact, and he even more rarely coughed up the football (lost one fumble his freshman year, and then not again until the bowl game senior year). He gave me the impression that he was a good kid, and a hard worker.

Charles Woodson (CB - 1995-1997)

I think this is mainly due to the fact that he was such a stud during the '97 national championship season: his one-handed interception against the Spartans, his clutch catch, INT, and punt return TD against OSU. It was a very exciting year, and he was the main reason.

David Harris (LB - 2003-2006)

While he was only a full-time starter for one year, he was a tremendous middle linebacker. He was all over the field and was just as good chasing down an outside sweep as he was in pass coverage against TEs. I loved watching him play. Currently the starting MLB for the Jets.

Mark Messner (DT - 1985-1988)

He was a stud in the middle of the D-Line while I was in Ann Arbor, and even led the team in sacks as a tackle, a pretty impressive feat. He was a two-time All-American. And he rocked a sweet pornstache back in the day.

John Kolesar (WR - 1985-1988)

I swear, he caught more long passes than any Michigan receiver until Braylon came along (in fact, for his career, he averaged 23.4 yards per catch). He was deceptively fast (i.e., he was a white wide receiver) and also was a good kickoff returner and a decent punt returner. This is another one who's on the list primarily because I was in school at the same time as him.

As usual, your mileage may vary. Please add your favorite Wolverines in the comments. I wanted to leave a few for you guys, so I left off some of the more obvious greats from my lifetime.

Lance Berkman - Caliente

2008-05-16T08:16:00.010-04:00

Lance Berkman, switch-hitting first baseman for the Houston Astros, has been one of my favorite baseball players since his early days with the team when I lived in Houston back in the 90s. He's slightly chubby, not very fast, and has a great sense of humor - kinda like John Kruk, except with more power, without the mullett, and with both testicles intact. And he's on a hot streak. And not just any normal hot streak. He has a 14-game hitting streak, and he's produced numbers you might see in a slow-pitch softball league. During this streak (started April 30), he has:

- a .537 batting average (29-for-54), OBP .613
- 7 HR, 21 RBI, 7 doubles, 9 walks
- struck out only 5 times
- increased his batting average from .297 to .391
- increased is OBP from .387 to .472
- had hits in 8 consecutive at-bats

And the most important stat of all - the Astros are 11-3 during the streak, vaulting themselves into early contention in the NL Central, despite having mediocre pitching. I had originally written this yesterday, and I had to revise it because his performance yesterday afternoon added some luster to his already great streak. How hot is Berkman? He went 2-for-4 yesterday, and his average during the streak actually went down. He drove in three runs, and he hit a solo home run in the ninth to break a 7-7 tie and the Astros came back from a 7-3 deficit to win 8-7.

Here are a couple nice quotes that give an idea of Lance's personality:

"In Baltimore last year I forgot how many outs there were and ran off the field. I got to the line, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, nobody's running off (the field). I immediately went to the fake knee injury. The trainer came running out and was like, 'Are you O.K.?' And I said, 'Yeah, I just forgot how many outs there were.' That was right after I came back from my knee surgery so I had a built in excuse."
- Sports Illustrated, April 4, 2006

"I'm as low-maintenance a hitter as there probably is," Berkman said. "I never watch video anyway. I just go out there, take my round of batting practice and play the game. Especially when things are going well, you don't want to tinker too much."

Lance Berkman es muy caliente!

* If the Tigers ever get hot, I'd love to write something about them. Until then, all aboard the Berkman express...

ADDED: I just looked up the record for most hits in a month. The record is 67. That is completely insane. He's got a couple weeks left, but he'll have to pick up the pace to match it. He's got 28 in 13 games in May.

Politics and Sports

2008-05-15T15:19:00.003-04:00

Strange Stuff In The News

John McCain says that the war in Iraq will be over by 2013. Wow, that's a relief. I was worried it might go on a long time. Just five years to go, people. If the war does indeed end in 2013, that will make it a ten year war - longer than the US involvement in WWI and WWII combined. Thanks for the reassurance, Johnny Mac. I'm definitely voting for you now.

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Spector says he wants a Senate inquiry into the New England Patriots notorious "spygate" controversy, mainly because both NFL teams in his state lost to the Pats during their playoff run on the way to their victory in Super Bowl 39. I think it's a wonderful idea, since there is nothing else worthwhile that our legislators need to spend time on. Other sports-related "controversies" that Spector should insist on investigating:

- The brown smudge on Kenny Rogers' hand during the 2006 playoffs
- Tom Brady's "Tuck Rule" fumble
- Danica Patrick running over a member of a rival's pit crew
- The BCS
- The Colorado vs. Missouri "5th down" game from 1990
- Michael Jordan pushing Bryon Russell out of the way before hitting game winning shot in 1998 NBA finals
- Matt Leinart's hot tub party
- Matt Millen's draft record

I demand hearings! Go get 'em, boy!

Any other shananigans Senator Spector needs to be made aware of?

Let Carlos Sing!

2008-05-15T08:26:00.005-04:00

I was listening to a little Santana recently, and I was struck by the fact that despite Carlos Santana's awesome guitar playing, he does not bother to sing, for whatever reason. Perhaps his voice is horrible. Perhaps he can't sing and play at the same time. Perhaps he's shy. Whatever the reason, the lead singer for Santana has always been someone other than Carlos (wikipedia shows twelve different vocalists thru the years). This got me to thinking - what other prominent rock stars had their name as part of the band's name, but did not do any of the singing? I could not think of too many:

Santana
Carlos of course played the distinctive guitar licks, but the singing was done by others. Even in his more recent solo efforts (Supernatural and Shaman), he enlisted others to do the singing for him on songs that required vocals. This makes me interested to hear him sing, just to know how awful it might be.

Jeff Beck Group
Vocals were handled by Rod Stewart. He is well known as a great guitarist, but none of the bands he was a part of (Yardbirds, Jeff Beck Group) featured him as a vocalist.

Phil Lesh and Friends
Actually I'm only half kidding about this one. Phil actually does some of the singing, but as a favor to everyone listening, he usually has guest vocalists on his tours. Ryan Adams, Susan Tedeschi, Joan Osborne, Chris Robinson, Trey Anastasio, and Warren Haynes have all been featured as guest vocalists during the last few years. Phil's strength is playing the bass, not singing. Chants of "Let Phil Sing" by fans at Grateful Dead shows probably reflected the spirit of community and the fans' affection for Phil and his rare compositions (Unbroken Chain, anyone?), rather than his vocal prowess. The man knows his limitations.

Can anyone think of any others?

The End of The World

2008-05-13T08:10:00.008-04:00

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine... "
- R.E.M.

With the recent natural disasters in Asia (the earthquake in China and the cyclone in Myanmar), it got me to thinking about the end of the world, and the various predictions of when it's going to happen. Since the beginning of time, people have prophesized that the end is near. It seems that every time there is a disaster or cluster of disasters, natural or otherwise, crackpots come out of the woodwork to claim either that the end of the world is near, or that prior prophesies foresaw the disaster somehow. Now that Myanmar and part of China are in ruins, I expect that there will be a glut of prophets claiming that they knew it was coming - and some reinterpreting Nostradamus like they did after the 9/11 attacks. Here are some "end of the world" prophecies to keep your eyes out for in the relatively near future:

Mayan and Aztec calendars are claiming that the end of the world is coming on the very specific date of December 21, 2012 (12-21-12). Seems more like a numerical anomaly than a good date for global apocalypse. Nevertheless, it's very specific about the date, so that's nice. It will be easy to tell if they were right. For people looking for guiltless apocalyptic sex, December 20, 2012 promises to be even better than the millennium for using the "the world is ending" line in a bar. Put that date in your Willard for future reference. It's even better than conjugal visit sex or fugitive sex*.
Jerry Falwell has given himself a little wiggle room on the wording of his doomsday prediction. In a 1999 speech about the concern people have over the new millennium, Falwell said the Antichrist is probably alive today and is a male Jew. Falwell also told about 1,500 people at a conference in Kingsport, TN, that he believes the second coming of Christ probably will be within 10 years. "Probably" within ten years. Nice to be specific Jerry. At least the Mayans had a specific date. He died last year, so will be unable to witness the apocalypse himself. And the Antichrist is a male Jew? Nicely done, Nazi asshole.
Pyotr Kuznetsov is the leader of a Russian doomsday sect called the True Orthodox Church. They reject processed food and regard bar codes as Satanic symbols, which should give you some idea of his mental state. He predicted that the world would end in May of 2008 (oh my gawd! it's here!). During November of 2007, thirty-five of his followers barricaded themselves in a cave near the village of Kikolskoye, 435 miles (725 km) southeast of Moscow. They threatened to blow up gas cylinders if officials tried to force them to leave. Twenty-four left when spring floods caused part of the cave to collapse; only a few adults remain. Meanwhile, Kuznetsov is believed to have become depressed at the failure of his prophecies and has tried to commit suicide by hitting himself on the head with a log. I'm no suicide expert, but I would not put "hitting yourself in the head with a log" on the top of the list of "most effective suicide methods." Perhaps he's not the brightest of fellows - which doesn't say a lot about his followers. They were not even committed enough to the cult to stay through a little cave collapse. Come on, cult members - you're supposed to follow your leader to the death, if necessary. The Heaven's Gate cult mocks you from their spaceship in the tail of the Hale-Bopp comet.
Someone called "The Final Peace" predicts that the Rapture will occur on February 13, 2009. She believes that she is communicating directly with both God and Satan. Her predictions are based on a number of calculations:

- The 3½ year countdown began on 2005-AUG, right before Katrina hit.
- Zeus' birthday is FEB-13.
- FEB-13 is a Friday the 13th.
- The time stamp in the Unix operating system is 1234567890 at 23:31:30 UTC on this day.
- References in the Gospel of Thomas.

So this one's totally based on numerology and computers. It seems a bit lazy for a prophecy. And who the hell knows when Zeus was born? Are mythological gods "born?" And how can she have a direct line to both God and Satan? So many questions...
Someone called "Second Messenger" predicts that the Rapture will happen on October 31, 2009 (Halloween!) and that the end of the world will occur on April 2, 2010. He has a blog (which I was unable to find, but the way) explaining how this date was computed from biblical references. It is based on the belief that creation happened during 11990 BCE and the flood of Noah was during 4990 BCE, an interval of exactly 7,000 years. Working forward from the flood, another 7,000 year interval takes us to 2010. The rapture on Halloween? Awesome. You could be out trick-or-treating when you start to see people fly up toward the sky. Definitely a memorable Halloween, much like some Halloween parties we had in college. In fact, I may have seen one or two people flying at one of our Halloween parties...
Patrik Geryl predicts a pole reversal in 2012. This is not the reversal of the Earth's magnetic poles where the North Magnetic Pole relocates to the South Magnetic Pole. This has happened many times in the past. Geryl is predicting that the North Pole and South Pole will reverse and cause the Earth to start rotating in the opposite direction. He does not explain from where the required energy will come - the energy required to rotate the poles would be immense. So if the world were to reverse rotation, there will have to be a point where the earth stops turning before it reverses. Unfortunately, this prediction lacks a specific date, so parties cannot be planned, and you can't use this one for apocalyptic sex.

These are just a few of the more interesting ones. There are lots more. And there have been many that have predicted the end of the world would have already happened. But obviously they have been wrong. Or have they? Are we already dead? I think I just blew my own mind...

*or so I've heard.

ADDED: Another possible sign that the world is about to end? This is our 100th post on this blog. Woo-hoo!

This Day In History - Catfish

2008-05-08T22:10:00.006-04:00

On May 8, 1968, Jim "Catfish" Hunter had perhaps the best all-around game in major league history. Pitching for the Oakland A's, Catfish became the first American League pitcher to pitch a perfect game since 1922. Twenty-seven up, twenty-seven down. That alone would be enough to qualify as one of the best games ever. At that point in time, only nine pitchers had ever done it before. But Catfish was not content to just get batters out. At the plate, he went 3-for-4, and drove in three of the four Oakland runs. The team he shut out was no slouch. The Minnesota Twins had Rod Carew, Harmon Killebrew, and Tony Oliva in their lineup. He struck out Killebrew three times. Another oddity I found while looking at the boxscore for the game: the attendance in Oakland that night was only 6,298. It was the A's first season in Oakland, after moving from Kansas City.

Catfish died in 1999, after falling down the stairs in his home. He was suffering from ALS at the time.

Maybe I sound like an old man, but one thing lacking in today's Major League is great nicknames. Catfish was one of the alltime great nicknames. And on May 8, 1968 he had one of the alltime great games. Raise your glass to Catfish this weekend. Cheers.

I'm Not There

2008-05-07T13:28:00.012-04:00

"I'm Not There," the 2007 movie about Bob Dylan, came out on DVD yesterday, and I had to watch it as soon as I could. I had heard so many good things about it. While I can't really say I love it after one viewing, I can definitely say that I was intrigued. It was a very interesting way to tell a story, but in trying to be "avante garde" or whatever, it seemed a little jumpy. It was intriguing in that it made me want to watch it again, just to see what I had missed - because it seemed like there was a lot going on and it jumped back and forth from one time period to another. It kinda all tied together at the end, but I think it deserves another viewing, in part because it's a little hard to keep up with the non-linear storyline when you are interrupted by a 5-year-old who wants some popcorn upstairs or wants to discuss her Barbie movie halfway through it.

Anyway, it piqued my interest to find out more about Dylan. I am intimately familiar with a lot of his music (I have most of his CDs, I have his entire "Theme Time Radio Hour" series, and many hours of live bootlegs), but I don't know all that much about his life. What I would like to solicit via this blog is recommendations for Bob Dylan biographies. I know there must be several out there, but I don't want to buy three. I want one good one. Anyone? Please leave suggestions in the comments.

ADDED: by the way, the soundtrack to this movie is outstanding - lots of very good covers of Dylan songs. Curiously, not all of these versions appear in the movie, but they're still worthwhile covers. "Going to Acapulco" by Jim James, and "Simple Twist of Fate" by Jeff Tweedy are my favorites.

Tebow the Mohel

2008-05-05T15:02:00.009-04:00

Tebow: So, what did you guys do for spring break?

Teammate: We went to Cancun. Did some body shots off some hot chicks from Georgia. Drank until daylight a couple times. Laid in the sun all hungover. Slept with eight other dudes in a small hotel room. Puked off the balcony. Typical spring break stuff. How about you?

Tebow: I circumcised some Filipino babies.

Awkward silence...

Michigan Football - early preview

2008-05-05T13:22:00.014-04:00

I'm bored (and anxious for football to get started), so I thought I'd take an early look at the Michigan football schedule for the upcoming season and see what's in store, and what I think might happen in these games. Of course, it's early, and lots of the players that could be playing major roles this fall have not even arrived on campus, so take these predictions with a huge pile of salt:

Aug. 30 UTAH
This could be a tough one. Utah was very good last year. They finished 9-4, including a bowl victory over Navy. They won 8 of their last 9 games. They run a version of the spread that Urban Meyer installed when he was there. This could go either way, but I'll give a slight edge to the Wolverines based on home field. The Rodriguez era gets off to a good start by beating a rugged Yoot squad. This result greatly disappoints famous Utah alums Karl Rove and Ted Bundy. Record: 1-0.

Sept. 6 MIAMI (OH)
MAC schools don't win in the Big House. Michigan should be able to work on perfecting their spread offense in this game. Famous Miami Alum Tina Louise is not pleased, but I don't care - I'm on the record as being a Mary Anne guy anyway. Record: 2-0.

Sept. 13 @ Notre Dame
Notre Dame should be improved, but it still won't be enough to beat Michigan. ND's vanilla offense will be swallowed whole by Michigan's aggressive defense. Mmmmm - vanilla. Rudy cries into his cornflakes. Record: 3-0.

Sept. 27 WISCO
I don't have a good feeling about this. Wisco may be breaking in a new QB, but they still have fat running back PJ Hill returning, tackling him is like tackling a golf cart. Or so I'm told. I'll mark this down for a loss. Famous Wisconsin alum Boz Skaggs rejoices in his living room. Record: 3-1.

Oct. 4 ILLINOIS
Illinois is due for a letdown after last year's Rose Bowl appearance. They lost Mendenhall, and Juice Williams still is not good enough to carry the offense. Michigan will win this one handily. Famous Illini alum Steve Chen, co-founder of YouTube, uploads a video of himself weeping onto YouTube. Record: 4-1.

Oct. 11 TOLEDO
MAC schools don't win in the Big House. Michigan should be able to work on further perfecting their spread offense in this game. Famous Rocket alum John Snow, former Treasury Secretary, does not care about this result. Record: 5-1.

Oct. 18 @ Penn State
Road game at Happy Valley - and it could be a night game. Pretty tough spot for first year starting QB, whomever it turns out to be. Penn State has a chance to break the losing streak to Michigan. Not this year. JoePa can't make it to the locker room this time, and he craps his pants on the field. Team follows suit. Famous PSU alum John Amaechi is dejected, but still thinks it's FABULOUS! Record: 6-1.

Oct. 25 MICHIGAN STATE
I think the Sparties are due for an upset, and if they're gonna do it, they better get it done before Coach Rod gets the team fully acclimated to the spread. Sparties pull off an ugly upset in the rain. Famous MSU alum Chris Hansen of NBC News is pleased, but has a few questions and would like you to have a seat right over there. Record: 6-2.

Nov. 1 @ Purdue
Purdue? Come on. Joe Tiller, busy picking food out of his mustache, forgets to come out after halftime. Michigan finishes strong. Famous Purdue alum Gary Danielson wonders why the Big Ten isn't as good as the SEC. Record: 7-2.

Nov. 8 @ Minnesota
By November 8, Minnesota fans are going to be wondering why they had such a problem with Glen Mason. Michigan romps, rushing for 300+ yards in the dome. Former Gopher Robert Zimmerman just sits and watches the river flow. Record: 8-2.

Nov. 15 NORTHWESTERN
Michigan returns home to face a Northwestern squad on the ass-end of a horrible season. Michigan wins handily. Former Wildcat Julia Louis-Dreyfus wants to know why you painted your face - to which you reply, of course, "Gotta support the team." Record: 9-2.

Nov. 22 @ Ohio State
Once again, the Big Ten title comes down to the last game of the year. Michigan-Ohio State. As much as I would love to predict a Michigan win, I just can't see it happening this early in the year. Talk to me in early November. The Buckeyes hang on for another victory over the Wolverines. They better enjoy it, because Coach Rod is about to start a winning streak of his own. Famous OSU alum Bruce Vilanch knows nothing about football, but incorporates the game into a sassy joke anyway. Record: 9-3.

I'd be happy with 9-3 with a first year coach and an entirely new philosophy and offensive system. I'm hoping for more, but realistically, I think this is achievable. In fact, 9-3 might be a best-case scenario. Just call me Billy Mumphrey - I'm a cockeyed optimist. Please add your predictions in the comments.

ADDED: And this is one reason why I have confidence. Barwis!

College Football News

2008-05-02T12:45:00.004-04:00

This is a perfect example of the inexact science of recruiting:

BATON ROUGE, La. -- LSU quarterback Ryan Perrilloux, who had legal and disciplinary problems throughout his college career, was kicked off the defending national championship team Friday after he failed a drug test.

When he was being recruited, mainly by Texas and LSU, he was the 2004 version of Terrelle Pryor. He was one of Les Miles' first big-time blue chippers. But he obvious had some difficulty adjusting to the college game and college lifestyle. I can't say that I hope this happens to Pryor, but if it does, we shouldn't really be too surprised. When you are the supposed "savior" of a program, there is a lot of pressure to perform to a certain level. He was in position to have a big year, quarterbacking the defending national champs. But maybe the pressure got to him. Maybe he felt like he was bigger than the program. Maybe he's just a dick and didn't get it. But the bottom line is, he's not LSU's problem anymore. I, for one, hope he gets his shit together and finds a place to play where he can relax and enjoy the college experience and not be burdened with the expectations of greatness.

ADDED: Apparently, he is kind of a dick. On signing day, he apparently claimed he would win multiple heismans before he was done at LSU. And he was in trouble with the law a lot. Perhaps LSU fans are happy to see him go.

The Pistons' Legacy at Stake

2008-05-02T11:08:00.002-04:00

This current Pistons team has had quite a successful run over the past 7 years. Yet they are still one of the hardest teams to figure out and their ultimate place in NBA lore is still to be determined. One thing for sure - they have been one of the most consistent teams in NBA history. Some of their achievements:

Seven straight 50 win seasons. Remarkable in this era of sports. For comparison purposes, here are the longest streaks in NBA history:
o Magic’s Lakers had 12 straight from 1980-91 – Wow.
o Russell’s Celts had 10 straight from 1959-68
o Bird’s Celts had 9 straight from 1980-88
o Duncan’s Spurs are also currently riding a 9 season streak.
That’s it – nobody else has had more than the 7 straight that this Pistons squad has had.

Five Straight Conference Finals (JINX ALERT) If they beat Orlando in their next series, they would advance to their sixth straight conference finals. I am willing to gamble on the jinx as i am that confident that the Magic cannot hang with the Stones over a 7 game series - so who’s done better since 1980? Magic’s Lakers went to 8 straight from 82-89. That’s it. Birds’ Celts only made 5 straight - streak ended by the Bad Boys. MJ’s Bulls never made more than 5 straight - partially due to MJ's forced retirement due to gambling problems. The Bad Boys also capped out at 5 straight East Finals. So if they beat the Magic, that's the 2nd best run in the modern era of the NBA.

OK – so their consistency during this run is undeniable. But their ultimate success in the playoffs has been mixed and lately, pretty disappointing. And it seems to relate to whether they are perceived as the favorite or not

· In ’03, they were the top seed but lost to a better Nets team in the East Finals.
· In ’04, the pulled off the mid-season Rasheed trade and finished with the #3 seed. They beat the #2 seed Nets and beat the favored #1 seed Pacers. They then dominated the heavily favored Shaq and Kobe-led Lakers in a 4-1 route and won the title. Truly one of the great team efforts in NBA history. Why? They had no true superstar. NBA titles are won with superstars. In fact, in the past 17 seasons, 16 titles were won with one of four guys on the roster: MJ (6), Shaq (4), Duncan (4), Hakeem (2). The other title was won by my beloved Stones. Go back farther…add Magic (5), Bird (3), Isiah (2) and Dr. J/Moses (take your pick) (1). That’s 27 of the past 28 titles won by teams with at least one of the best 20 guys in NBA history. That’s why the love for the ’04 Pistons is so huge – they are the only superstar-less team to pull it off in the modern era of the NBA. They won it with good players, incredible defense and a work ethic that would make Tom Izzo proud.
· In ’05, they beat Shaq & Wade in the east finals and lose a classic 7 game series to Duncan’s Spurs; Hard-fought series. Tough one to lose but you can live with it – they lost a brutal game 5 on a Horry miracle 3 to go down 3-2 in the series, came back to win game 6 on the road and were tied going into the 4th quarter of game 7 – I wish they won it but helluva season overall.

In ’06, something terrible happened. They finally started to gain respect. They started the season an incredible 41-9. 4 starters made the All-Star team. Suddenly, they lost the proverbial chip on their shoulder. They finished with the best record in the league in ’06 but lost in the conference finals – they also lost in the conference finals last year as the #1 seed . Both years, they have let inferior teams stretch out early round series as the Stones lost interest at times and seemed to think they can turn it on when they had to. That attitude cost them dearly as they tired by the conference finals while their opponents were resting and a couple of legit title shots slipped away.

So to recap – in ’03, ’06 & ’07 - #1 seed but don’t make it to the Finals. In ’04 & ’05, they are not the favorite but they do make it to the Finals. So here’s the good news - they entered these playoffs a bit under the radar as the #2 seed. Although the Stones had the 2nd best record in the league, Boston was the story thisyear and with Garnett going for his first title, most like them as the team to beat. That’s good because that's where the Pistons feel comfortable. They will be underdogs after they dispose of the Magic. Perhaps that’s what they need to sneak in another title and join the fairly exclusive club of teams that have won multiple titles. That's what's on the line for the Stones this spring. I think it’s enough to get them past Boston this year but the Spurs and Duncan are just too good.

For the record (and these were my picks before the start of the playoffs - I swear)

Spurs over Hornets in 6, Lakers over Jazz in 5, Celts over Cavs in 7, Pistons over Magic in 5
Spurs over Lakers in 6, Pistons over Celts in 6
Spurs over Pistons in 6

Go Stones!

This Day In History

2008-05-01T10:47:00.005-04:00

Sorry I've been doing a lot of "this day in history" posts this week, but this week has really had some interesting anniversaries. This one's a doozy. On May 1, 2003, President George W. Bush appeared aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln and declared, with a gigantic "Mission Accomplished" banner behind him, that "major combat operations in Iraq have ended." Yeah, right. Perhaps just a bit premature. Five years later, we're still there, gettin' shot at...

In other news, Bush has reported that the Israelis and Palestinians have agreed to a permanent cease-fire, the housing crisis is over, the US dollar is stronger than ever, and cancer has been cured.

EDITED TO ADD: Douchebag in flight suit.

Isiah Thomas and Napoleon Bonaparte

2008-04-30T13:57:00.002-04:00

Today is the 205th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase. In 1803, we acquired 828,000 square miles of territory from the French. Thomas Jefferson was the President at the time, and it was Napoleon Bonaparte that negotiated the sale of the land to the US. We got it for the low low bargain basement price of $11,250,000. Including interest, the US ultimately paid just over $23 million for the territory, which now comprises 23% of the territory of the US today. We doubled the size of the country at a price of about three cents per acre. Not a bad deal. Basically, we fleeced the French government. Apparently we were prepared to pay $10 million just for New Orleans.

It's probably not a coincidence that today is also the birthday of Isiah Thomas (born in 1961). He is obviously the "Napoleon" of NBA executives. Like Napoleon, he was great on the battlefield. As a military leader, Napoleon was a General during the French Revolution, which obviously was a very successful endeavor. However, once he became the ruler of France, he made some ill-advised moves - invasion of Russia (which led to his exile and death) and the Louisiana Purchase.

Similarly, Isiah was a great leader as a player on the floor. He was arguably the best point guard of all time - certainly among the top five. He led his teams to one NCAA championship and two NBA championships, and his teams were perpetually competitive. He played injured (scored 25 points in the fourth quarter on a broken ankle against the Lakers in the NBA finals). He scored in bunches (scored 16 points in 1:33 against the Knicks in a 1984 playoff game). He continues to be one of my favorite players ever. However, like Napoleon, things went horribly wrong once he became the head honcho. He bankrupted an entire basketball league (the CBA) when he turned down the NBA's offer of $11 million to make it the official minor league. This led to the formation of the NBDL. As a coach, he has never taken a team past the first round of the playoffs. As an executive, he was an absolute train wreck, particularly his most recent stint with the Knicks. He signed mediocre players to huge contracts (Jerome James, Jared Jeffries). He made ill-advised trades (Steve Francis, Stephon Marbury, Zach Randolph, Eddy Curry). The Knicks and Isiah were sued by an MSG employee for sexual harassment, which ended up costing the Knicks $11.6 million dollars.

Here is a quick "Tale of The Tape" between Napoleon and Isiah - some striking similarities:

	Napoleon Bonaparte	Isiah Thomas
height	Disputed (5'-2" to 5'-7")	6'-0"
battlefield glory	French Revolution	Back-to-back NBA titles
worst trade	Louisiana Purchase - doomed France to second-tier nation status	Acquiring Stephon Marbury - doomed Knicks to years of ineptitude
worst tactical move	Invasion of Russia	turning down $11M from NBA for CBA
termination	Exiled to Elba	Fired as Pacers coach
resurgence	Escaped from exile, governed for 100 days	Hired by Knicks
disgraced	re-exiled to St. Helena	Fired by Knicks
humiliated	chronic hemorrhoids	Sexual harassment lawsuit
cause of death	disputed (poison or stomach cancer?)	Shot by deranged Knick fan in 2012

Anyone else see the similarities? Just me? Okay, I can live with that. Any other suggestions are welcome.

This Day In History

2008-04-29T14:20:00.004-04:00

Rodney King resisting arrest on his hands and knees.

Some interesting stuff happened on this day in history.

- In 1992, a Los Angeles jury acquitted four police officers in the videotaped beating of Rodney King. The verdict triggered four days of rioting, resulting in 53 deaths and millions of dollars in damage to buildings and property. Despite the fact that there was videotape evidence that King was laying on the ground being beaten by the officers, the "jury of his peers" (not a single African American) decided that the officers were justified in using excessive force. Bravo, jury. Two of the officers were later convicted of civil right violations in a federal trial, and were sentenced to 30 months in prison. Too little, too late.

- In 1967, Muhammed Ali is stripped of his heavyweight boxing title after refusing induction into the US Army. He was the most famous of the conscientious objectors in the US during the Vietnam War era. He was not allowed to fight again until 1970. His conviction was eventually overturned.

- In 2003, legendary racehorse Barbaro was born. This singular event set into motion the most irrational outpourings of grief ever expressed toward a non-human animal. After breaking several bones in his leg in the 2006 Preakness, Barbaro developed laminitis in one of his other legs and rather than euthanizing him, his owners tried to save him (probably so they could make money from stud fees), thereby prolonging his life for a few months. People began to send get-well cards, flowers, presents, holy water, saint medallions, etc. to help him get well, apparently unaware that Barbaro was a horse and could not read cards or appreciate the other gestures made on his behalf. People on Internet message boards were sending him well wishes despite the fact that Barbaro was without Internet access. It actually got to be quite funny to read some of those message boards (yes, I did read some of them). People really went over the top in their anthropomorphizing (big word, eh?) of the horse, leading me to mutter to myself countless times, "he's a horse!" Anyway, Barbaro was born five years ago today. So, that happened.

Shine A Light - Stones' Movie Review

2008-04-28T15:32:00.003-04:00

I went to see the Stones’ Shine A Light at the Imax this past weekend. The overwhelming thought I had at the time, and the vivid memory I still have with me: wrinkles and veins! Wow. The 2007 version of the Stones is not suited for the big screen, let alone Imax! I was drowned by 40 foot wrinkles and veins for 2 hours. You’ve all heard the old line “he has a face for radio” – well these guys at age 65 or so, certainly do.

Yes, I think the Stones are great and are certainly one of the great bands ever. They have great songs, are great song writers, and are fun to see live - but I have always thought the Stones were a bit contrived. I will come under heavy, and arguably valid, fire for this review from many people, including Taxman, but Shine A Light seemed to be another contrived creation. It is the Stones, so how bad could it be, really – but I did not think it was very good, and certainly not nearly as good as the reviews it has gotten.

> The premise of the movie (obviously other than to show a Stones show on Imax) is Scorcese making this Stones concert film and wanting to know what tune they were going to open with, and what the setlist will be so he can focus on the right musician. So the band hits the stage, someone hands Scorcese the setlist, and they show him intensely yelling who to focus on for the production. Please. Seems ridiculous.

> With all the ballyhoo over the setlist, overall I was honestly disappointed with what they played. Yes, you can always say with a band that has as much great material as they do, that they didn’t play more great tunes than they played, but… She Was Hot seemed like a cheesey Jagger solo tune, but come to find it was on 1983’s Undercover album. Huh? When you are playing 16 tunes, why on earth is Just My Imagination included? More Jagger/Stones cheese, and more importantly taking time where Paint It Black, Let It Bleed or the other 30 more preferable tunes would have been.

> I honestly did not read or hear much about this film before I went, so I was not sure of the format or context of the film. For me, I would have preferred more old concert footage for juxtaposition as well as compare and contrast to present day. They showed some old footage, but nothing overly cosequential, and the clip of a young Jagger predicting the band would last “probably another year or so”, while somewhat revealing, seemed too cute and obvious, and meant for very casual fans to chuckle at.

> Anytime Mick picks up the guitar, things are not right. Jagger is very talented and you have love the acid chicken, but a guitar is merely a prop. Similar to Roger Daltry – stop pretending and do what you do well, and that is sing and be the front man.

> I wonder why a band as relevant and big as the Stones need to have or want to have guest artists on stage in a feature film. Why is Jack White singing on Loving Cup? Let alone I don’t know who the hell he is (that is my issue), why is anyone besides Mick or Keith singing with the Rolling Stones. Double for Christina Aguilara who also appeared for one tune. Was this so the Stones seem new, hip, and still vital? I don’t know the purpose or point, but it seems ridiculous to me. That said, Buddy Guy playing an old blues tune with the boys certainly seems relevant, is of great interest, and was great.

> You go to see the Rolling Stones, but you get the Rolling Stones Plus Eight. I realize that many of these older bands are doing it, and the Stones stage show incorporates more musicians, but I counted 8 to 10 non-Rolling Stones adding to the sound. Horns, backing vocals, keyboards etc. – in a small theatre? The Allmans play The Beacon for 6-12 shows every year (not this year due to Greg’s Hep C) and FILL the venue with more sound than it can handle. Why doesn’t the self proclaimed world’s greatest rock & roll band do play it on their own. Again – I understand their arrangements are made more for stadium shows, but still.

> Whatever your political leaning is, the blatant politicking has gotten nauseating to me. The Clintons were apparently at this event with an entourage, and one of the more disheartening scenes was when a roadie or organizer was telling Charlie Watts he had to go to the reception for the guests of the Clintons. Charlie said “but we just met with the Clintons earlier” only to be told he would have spend another hour chatting with the 30 or so guests. However, the whole scene really got nauseating when Scorsese showed Bill and Hillary, the two love birds themselves, from the back walking while holding hands. The camera shot made you know it was Bill and Hillary, but then panned in to only show their holding hands. If the Stones’ wrinkles didn’t make me puke, this did.

> I don’t love or hate Scorses, but he certainly tried to be one of the stars of the show as well. Everyone can’t be Mick, Marty!

> Then it comes back to all the wrinkles and veins…

For as much “go” the Stones have (and they have a lot), they have way more “show” than “go”. I kept thinking of poor Bobby Weir of the good ‘ole Grateful Dead getting ridiculed for being “the rock star” on stage – the Stones made a living and became larger than life being the ultimate “rock stars” on stage with all the moves and crap that go with it. They are still at it too.
Most of these rock & roll movies that come out on the big screen I go to see at least twice (Festival Express, Neil’s Heart of Gold, Grateful Dawg) and can’t get enough of them. I honestly have no interest in seeing this film again, and that is telling for me.

NFL Draft

2008-04-28T10:10:00.004-04:00

Can it get any worse for a Michigan fan from Buffalo? All fine and good that Jake Long goes to the Phins #1 overall. A tackle can have a great pro-bowl caliber career while the team he plays for is good to mediocre or worse - we like when Miami is mediocre or worse up here in the Buff. However, quarterbacks are evaluated by wins - almost period. If the team isn't winning games, then QB is not going to be a long term starter. So when I heard Chad Henne went to Miami as well, it was terribly disappointing. I really wanted to see Henne do well in the NFL because I think he is good, took alot hell from Michigan fans for going 1-7 vs. Ohio State and bowl games, and he seems like a good kid. Unfortunately, two worlds collide here as Henne's success is a function of the Dolphins success. To make it even worse, If Henne and the Dolphins are successful, that elevates Bill Parcells even more, which is also a relatively vile thought.

I love seeing Mike Hart going to Indy. Seems perfect for Bill Polian to take this kind of character player, and I hope it works for all involved. I don't think Hart can ever be a feature back in the NFL, but I certainly thing he can contribute. I hope Mike Hart continues to prove people wrong.

Likewise, I like seeing Crable going to the Pats. Great organization that a guy like Crable will have as good a chance as any to be able to flourish in. All the 'extra' information the coaches can pass on to the players always helps!

Michigan obviously could have really used Mannigham and Arrington this coming year, and it looks as though could have used Micihgan as much. I think Mario is a very good college WR, but don't think he has the measurables and attitude (the attitude is mostly speculative) to be that good in the NFL. What was interesting to me is that he really only 10-12 very good to great games for Michigan over three years interupted with some nagging type injuries. To me that does not define a great player, but let's see what he does. Arrington on the other hand has no bussiness leaving a year with the projected drft position, let alone where he landed. Of course the coaching change had some impact on his descision, but he really could have used another year.

Go Blue!

Detroit Lions Draft - Kevin Smith

2008-04-28T09:17:00.009-04:00

No, not that Kevin Smith - the one that plays football.

I'm not going to review the entire Lions draft board, but I would like to discuss the wisdom of one of their picks, third rounder Kevin Smith from UCF. The last time the Lions drafted a running back coming off a junior season in which he gained over 2500 yards, it worked out pretty well for them. His name was Barry Sanders. It's well documented that Barry Sanders had a great career, but he had what is widely considered to be the finest single season of any college football player ever. In fact, Smith had a great season last year - one that compares pretty favorably with Barry's last season.

In 14 games (2007), Smith rushed for 2567 yards, and scored 29 TDs (in 450 carries). This includes his bowl game.

In 11 games (1988), Sanders rushed for 2628 yards and scored 39 TDs. (in 356 carries). This does not even include the bowl game in which he rushed for an additional 222 yards and scored 5 TDs (bowl game stats did not count then).

While Smith's season was great by any definition of the word, Sanders' Heisman winning season was one that I feel comfortable in saying will not ever be duplicated. In twelve games, Sanders gained 2850 yards (237.5 yards per game), and scored 44 TDs. Those kinds of numbers are absolutely unreachable in the foreseeable future - even when bowl games counted in the stats.

The bottom line, and the point of this post, is that I think Kevin Smith is a very good pick and has a very good chance to be a star in the league - even if he is not Barry Sanders. Even if he turns out to be only half as good as Barry, he'll be the second best RB the Lions have ever had.