Isaiah Thomas - FIU Coach

There is no way this turns out badly. After all, Isiah has been successful everywhere he's been...

I'm not sure how the interview went at Florida International for Isiah to actually land this job. Maybe something like this...

FIU: So, Mr. Thompson...
IT: Please, call me Isiah.
FIU: Okay, Isiah. So I've looked at your resume and I find it very interesting. You claim to have been the commissioner of a minor league professional basketball organization called the CBA, but I can't find any record of it's existence. Can you please explain?
IT: Well, it went bankrupt shortly after I left. Of course it was not because of anything I did during my tenure as league commissioner. I actually turned down an offer of $11 million from the NBA to buy the league and essentially be its minor league affiliate. It didn't seem like a fair price.
FIU: I see (scratches head, writes note). So tell me about your experience as a head coach with the Indiana Pacers.
IT: Well, I took my team to the playoffs for three straight years.
FIU: That's right, I remember that. Didn't you go to the conference finals or something like that?
IT: Well, actually Larry Bird took them to the conference finals the year before I got there. We lost in the first round in each of the seasons I was the head coach.
FIU: I see (scribbles note). So, you then became President of Basketball Operations for the Knicks. Tell me about some of your most successful contribution in that position.
IT: Let's see. I was able to parlay two high first round draft picks and get talented young big man Eddy Curry from the Bulls. I hired Larry Brown. I signed Jerome James...
FIU: Okay, I get it. Let's move on. After you fired your hand picked head coach, Larry Brown, after just one year and replaced him with yourself, how would you assess your performance as head coach of the Knicks?
IT: I feel we performed up to the talent level that the GM gave me.
FIU: Um, but weren't you the GM?
IT: Technically, but Mr. Dolan signs the checks.
FIU: Okay. Well, Mr. Thompson, I don't see anything here that would make this look like a good hire. I'm gonna have a hard time selling this to the board of regents. You seem to have failed at every job you've had since your playing career ended. In addition, I seem to remember some sort of a sexual harassment lawsuit against you and the Knicks. Convince me that you are the right coach to usher in a new era of basketball for Florida International.
IT: Well, the Knicks are still paying me. I'll work for free.
FIU: You're hired. I'll set up a press conference...

FIU = Failure Is Unavoidable