The Opposite

During the "Matt Millen Era," this time of year (i.e, the annual NFL Draft) for Detroit Lions fans has become pure torture. As The Ghosts so eloquently put it yesterday, it just keeps getting worse. So, the Matt Millen and the Lions should take a page out of the George Costanza playbook - do the opposite:

Draft Day, 2008

Roger Goodell: Wide receiver, right?
Matt Millen: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always draft a wide receiver in the first round. Nothing's ever worked out for me with first round wide receivers. I want the complete opposite of a wide receiver. A linebacker. No, a defensive lineman.
Bill Ford: Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.

RG: With the 15th pick the first round, the Detroit Lions select Derrick Harvey, defensive end, Florida.

BF: Ah, Matt, you know, that GM over there just looked at you.
MM: So what? What am I supposed to do?
BF: Go talk to him.
MM: Hey Boss - crappy GMs, with horrible teams, and no successful drafts, who work for the Lions, don't approach good GMs. None of those guys will even return my calls.
BF: Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of wide receivers and being intimidated by good GMs, defensive linemen and going right up to them.
MM: Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
BF: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
MM: Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and draft wide receivers, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something.

--- he goes over to the GM

MM: Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
Jerry Jones: Oh, yes I was - you just drafted the same exact player we were going to draft. We thought for sure you'd take Manningham.
(MM takes a deep breath )
MM: My name is Matt Millen. I'm a horrible GM and I work for the Lions.
JJ: I'm Jerry Jones. Hi....

And so "The Opposite Era" begins for the Lions. In the same spirit, perhaps Bill Ford can "do the opposite" and finally get rid of Millen. I think Millen would probably prefer to be an architect anyway...

NOTE: KSK has a nice Millen bit up today also.

ANOTHER NOTE: To anyone with any photshop skills, I would love to have a George Costanza "Timeless Art of Seduction" picture with Matt Millen's head in place of George's. Anyone with the time and motivation can send it to me at bill dot tway at kbr dot com.

This Day In History

I occasionally google "this day in history" to get ideas for posts, but today's really caught my eye. On January 10, 1964, William Clay Ford became the sole owner of the Detroit Lions. Since that glorious day, the Lions have won one single playoff game (in 1991). After discovering this, I dug up some interesting Detroit Lions trivia*:

• After the death of duet partner Tammi Terrell, Marvin Gaye made plans to quit the music biz and play football for the Lions. He trained for his tryout in 1970, but was cut. He remained friends with Lem Barney and Mel Farr, and they both provided backup vocals on "What's Going On," which was released in 1971.


• Matt Millen's jersey number in the NFL was 55, which coincidentally is also his IQ.


• Matt Millen's penchant for choosing wide receivers in the first round of every draft is well documented. However, a little known fact is that the yearly draft coincides with Millen's assigned timeshare weekend in Palm Beach. His participation in the draft is usually limited to occasional faxes sent to Lions staffers from the poolside bar, and he often mistakes the NFL draft for his Penn State Alumni Assocation fantasy draft.


• The last Lions QB selected to the Pro Bowl was Greg Landry, following the 1971 season.


• The Lions head coaching job is a dead end. Without going too far back, I can say with certainty that every single Lions head coach going back to Joe Schmidt (fired after the 1972 season) has failed to get another head coaching job in the NFL. The Lions head coaching history looks like a virtual "Who's That" of the NFL: Rick Forzano, Tommy Hudspeth, Monte Clark, Darryl Rogers.


• The Lions are among an ever-shrinking list of teams that have yet to make the Super Bowl (Lions, Cardinals, Saints, Browns, Texans, Jaguars). Only the Cardinals and Browns have been around as long as the Lions. The others are expansion teams.


• Matt Millen owns compromising pictures of someone in the Ford family. This is the only plausible explanation for his continued employment with the team.

So, here's to William Clay Ford. Due to your football acumen, your Detroit Lions are perpetually positioned precariously on the razor thin line that separates the bad teams from the perennially putrid teams.

*Only some of these bits of trivia are true.