Athletes as Actors, part 4: Other Sports

Athletes as Actors, part 4: Other Sports

Click here for part 1
Click here for part 2
Click here for part 3

These are some of the athletes from the more obscure sports who tried their hand at acting. Again, most parlayed their expertise in their chosen sport into their acting gigs:

Tommy Morrison
Played Tommy Gunn in Rocky V, the worst of the Rocky movies. A boxer playing a boxer. Sounds like a familiar tune. No, I did not see this movie, but I am aware of it's existence. I do know that Stallone himself gave it a "zero" on a scale of 1 to 10. Anyway, Morrison never acted again, tested positive for HIV, and has recently returned to boxing with good results against tomato cans. He has claimed on several occasions, probably in order to be allowed to earn money boxing again, that his HIV diagnosis was false and he has never been HIV positive.

Jeff Carlson, Steve Carlson, Dave Hanson
Okay, I'm taking some liberties, because only one of these guys played in the NHL (Dave Hanson played in 33 NHL games). They all played professional hockey (WHL, IHC, CHL, etc). But these three guys played the Hanson brothers in "Slap Shot." I just had to include them on this list. It could be argued that they were the "stars" of the movie. Not great award winning acting, but some memorable quotes: "I'm listening to the fucking song!" According to Wiki, Jeff Carlson is an electrician in Muskegon, MI, Steve Carlson runs a power skating school in Kenosha, WI, and Dave Hanson runs a sports center at Robert Morris University near Pittsburgh. They reprised their roles as the Hanson brothers in the 2002 direct to video release "Slapshot 2: Breaking The Ice."

Andre The Giant
Andre appeared in lots of 70s TV shows (Six Million Dollar Man, BJ and The Bear, The Fall Guy) playing, for the most part, giants and monsters (in the $6M Man, he played Bigfoot). After all, he couldn't really play anything else. He is most well known as an actor for playing Fezzik, the Giant in "The Princess Bride." Grouping wrestlers in with athletes is a bit of a stretch, but most wrestlers are probably more athletic than golfers or bowlers.

Hulk Hogan
The Hulkster starred as Randolph Spencer in his own TV series, "Thunder In Paradise," in 1994. It lasted one season on some minor cable channel (USA? WB?). The plot description sounds like it was a low-rent "A-Team": Randolph Spencer and Martin Brubaker were ex-Navy SEALS-turned-mercenaries who hired themselves out as soldiers of fortune for a very high fee. Other than that, his acting gigs have included lots of appearances in other similarly crappy cable series. His most memorable role was that of "Thunderlips" in Rocky III. But he was essentially playing himself.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
The former Miami Hurricane defensive tackle and professional wrestler has been a huge success in Hollywood. He has appeared in action films (The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King, Walking Tall), and recently in some comedic roles (Be Cool, The Game Plan). His IMDB page also lists some upcoming flicks, including Get Smart. He is the only "athlete" to have hosted SNL twice. Get used to him - he's gonna be around for a while. He a decent enough actor, and appears to be a pretty good guy.

Johnny Weissmuller
Weissmuller was an Olympic swimmer in the 1920s - he won five gold medals and one bronze in the '24 and '28 Olympics. After his Olympic career was over, he signed a seven year contract with MGM, and played Tarzan for MGM in six different films. After his contract expired, he signed as a free agent with RKO and starred in six more Tarzan movies. When he hit middle age (44), he traded in his loincloth and played "Jungle Jim" in a series of 13 movies between 1948 and 1954. That's quite a career. Another bit of trivia - he appears on the cover of the Beatles' Sgt. Peppers album.

Kurt Thomas
The former Olympic gymnast starred in "Gymkata" which was perhaps the most unintentionally hilarious movies of all-time. I don't even know how they managed to shoehorn a plot into this one, but according to IMDB: "Johnathan Cabot is a champion gymnast. In the tiny, yet savage, country of Parmistan, there is a perfect spot for a 'star wars' site. For the US to get this site, they must compete in the brutal 'Game.' The government calls on Cabot (played Thomas), the son of a former operative, to win the game. Cabot must combine his gymnastics skills of the west with fighting secrets of the east and form GYMKATA!" I can't even remember if Thomas has any lines in the movie, but the whole film consists of him being chased and randomly finding various gymnastic apparatuses with which to fight the bad guys. Being chased through an alley by ruthless ninjas? Look, there's a pommel horse! Surrounded by marauders? Hop on those handy parallel bars! No escape? Grab those rings! I can't say that I have sat through this film in its entirety, but I was shocked into hysterical laughter at the parts I did manage to see.

And so ends the four part series (see links to parts 1-3 above). I know I must have missed some - "other sports" covers so much ground. If you think of any others, note them in the comments.

Athletes as Actors, part 3: Major League Baseball

Click here for part 1.
Click here for part 2.

Athletes want to be actors, and actors want to be athletes. Baseball players, because of their relatively normal physical stature, are more suitable for a wider variety of roles than, say, a 7-foot-tall freak of nature. That's not to say that they actually get a wider variety of roles. Here are some of the most notable (not necessarily the best) professional baseball players who tried their hand at acting:

Chuck Connors
Wow - the things you learn when you are researching a li'l ole blog post. Without turning this into a "Chuck Connor Biography" post, here are some highlights: after being discharged from the army in 1946, Connors played center (he's only 6'-5" tall) for the Boston Celtics in the 1946-47 season, but left early to go to spring training with the Brooklyn Dodgers. After knocking around in the minors for a couple years, he made it to the bigs in 1949. After 5 weeks and one at-bat, he was sent back down to the minors. He played again in the majors in 1951, where he hit a couple homers for the Cubs. When he was sent down to the Cubs minor league affiliate, the LA Angels, he was noticed by a fan who was also a casting director. His focus turned to acting and he appeared in dozens of movies and TV shows. He's most well known as the star of "The Rifleman," which ran on TV from 1958-1963. Also appeared in Fantasy Island, The Love Boat, and Soylent Green.

Soldier. Basketball player. Baseball player. Badass Rifleman. Nice little career, Mr. Connors. Kudos.

Keith Hernandez
Due to its New York setting, Seinfeld very frequently featured NY baseball players in the show. Some of the players featured included Danny Tartabull, Paul O'Neill ("You promised a kid in the hospital that I'd hit two home runs?"), Bernie Williams ("are you the guy put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?"), and Derek Jeter. But no NY athlete had a more memorable appearance on Seinfeld than former Mets first baseman Keith Hernandez. After meeting Jerry in the health club locker room, he asks Jerry to help him move ("Help him move? You just met the guy!"). Hernandez is not exactly deserving of an Emmy for his performance, but the episode he appeared in ("The Boyfriend") was great, in part due to his portrayal of himself.

Best line: "I'm Keith Hernandez."

Wade Boggs
This former Red Sox/Yankees Hall-of-Famer also played himself, in an episode of Cheers where he gets pantsed by the gang at the bar. Nothing more than a cameo, but it was memorable for me because I was a big fan of Cheers back in the day.

Best line: "But I AM Wade Boggs!"

Jim Lefebvre
The former major league player and manager had a couple notable roles in the 60s. He appeared on Batman as one of The Riddler's henchmen in two different episodes (and was the victim of several "whams," "pows," and "kerblams" from Batman and Robin), and he appeared on Gilligan's Island as a "native" in the episode where the natives think Gilligan is a god. Also, in the 80s, he had minor parts on St. Elsewhere, Alice, and M*A*S*H.

Best line: "pulu si bagumba"

Bob Uecker
Uecker was the star of Mr. Belvedere, which ran from 1985 to 1990. He even hosted SNL. Not bad for a lousy backup catcher with a .200 lifetime batting average. He didn't win any awards, but his show was on for a long time. He also played the announcer in Major League and its sequels.

Most famous line: "Juuuuust a bit outside."

The Simpsons
On the Simpsons episode entitled "Homer at The Bat," C. Montgomery Burns stacks his softball team with a bunch of ringers from the major leagues in order to win a bet with the owner of the Shelbyville nuclear power plant. While technically I'm not sure you could consider this acting, all of the following players lent their voices to this episode: Ken Griffey Jr., Don Mattingly, Jose Canseco, Darryl Strawberry, Roger Clemens, Mike Scioscia, Steve Sax, Ozzie Smith, and Wade Boggs (Burns originally wanted Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, and Three-Finger Brown). All of the players eventually get hurt in various ways except Strawberry, who of course plays the same position as Homer. Homer ends up driving in the winning run with a ninth inning bases-loaded "hit-by-pitch." In the DVD release of the season, the director's commentary notes that all of the players were great to work with except one who they won't name except his name rhymes with Manseco. Canseco was originally slated to have an extramarital affair with Edna Krabappel, Bart's teacher, but Canseco's then-wife objected.

Best line: Homer - "No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

Don Drysdale
The former dodger hall-of-fame pitcher, who was also a star basketball player at UCLA, appeared on several TV shows in the 60s and 70s. His credits include appearances on The Brady Bunch, Leave It To Beaver, and The Rifleman. Mostly, he played either baseball players or announcers.

Best line: "Greg, you suck. There is no way you can be a major league pitcher. Give it up already."

In summary, like basketball players, baseball players mostly portray themselves or "baseball players" or announcers. Very few have broken out of that mold. It's probably because most baseball players are kinda dumb. Not that it takes a brain surgeon to play baseball, but they do have to memorize lines and where to stand - which requires, you know, thinking.

I know I must have missed some. Send me your suggestions in the comments. I think I'll tackle part 4 (other sports - golf, boxing, hockey, cricket, badminton, soccer, etc.) next week.

Athletes as Actors, part 2: NBA Basketball

Here's part 1.
Here's part 3.

Athletes want to be actors, and actors want to be athletes. Basketball players, because of their freakish height, seem to get lots of roles that are, well, "basketball players." Either that or humongous villians or gigantic genies. Here are some of the most notable (not necessarily the best) NBA basketball players who tried their hand at acting:

Shaquille O'Neal
The thing I like best about Shaq is that he doesn't take himself too seriously. He's appeared in four movies, two of which (Kazaam and Steel) he also got executive producer credits for, meaning he basically hired himself to be in his own movie. And he played a basketball player in Blue Chips. He also hosted SNL in 1998. This appearance featured a hilarious scene in which Shaq was Tracy Morgan's son and was attempting to sit on his lap. Shaq's monotone voice does not lend itself to expressing anything other than, well, nothing.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Kareem not only played Roger Murdock the co-pilot in Airplane!, but he also appeared in a Bruce Lee movie, Game of Death. Played himself in guest appearances in movies and on TV shows, including Fletch, Full House, Diff'rent Strokes, Scrubs. His role in Airplane featured this classic line: "Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes." Oh, and Kareem has a pretty cool blog right now. Check it out.

Bill Laimbeer
Laimbeer was perhaps the most hated player of his era. He played a sleestack in the 70s on Saturday morning kids TV show Land of The Lost. Perfect role for a ugly, lanky teenage doofus - put a green lizard suit on him and have him lurch around for a few minutes. Although his professional acting career is unremarkable, his entire NBA career consisted of pretending to be fouled and claiming innocence whenever a foul was called on him. Some might call that "acting" too...

Wilt Chamberlain
Not only did he claim to have bagged over 20,000 women, but he appeared on lots of shows in the 60s and 70s (Laugh-In, What's My Line?). But he was not really "acting" but "appearing." He did play a gigantic menacing villian in Conan The Destroyer. He was a model of physical fitness even into his later years, as he toyed with NBA comebacks up until he was in his 50s - mainly because of his jealousy of how much money was being made by everyone but him. Also, for a while he was a partner in a film production company.

Ray Allen
Allen, a former star at UConn, played Jesus Shuttlesworth in He Got Game. His other notable role was in Harvard Man, in which he played - you guessed it - a basketball player. Has perhaps the most boring wikipedia bio of any NBA player. The Onion had it right.

Alex English
The former Denver Nuggets star played "Amazing Grace Smith" in Amazing Grace and Chuck, in which English's character takes up the cause of a kid who refuses to play little league baseball until nuclear weapons are disarmed. He also played himself in Eddie. During his playing career, he was known as being "smoove." I think this means that he scored a lot and played no defense.

Julius Erving
NBA hall-of-famer Dr. J was in The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh. Since this was a basketball movie, lots of players from that era (1979) were in this movie, including such players as Leon Douglas, Eric Money, Bob Lanier, Chris Ford, John Shumate, and Curtis Rowe. Hmm - seems to include a lot of ex-Pistons. Trivia - averaged 26 points and 20 rebounds per game in his two years of varsity basketball at UMass.

Rick Fox
Of all the NBA basketball players on this list, Fox is the most accomplished actor. In addition to the obligatory basketball movies he appeared in (Blue Chips, He Got Game, Eddie), he also was a regular on the HBO series Oz, and appeared in many TV shows over the last several years (Ugly Betty, One Tree Hill, Dirt). While he may be the most accomplished actor on this list, he's also the worst basketball player on this list. So I guess everything balances out.

Only a couple of these guys played anything except basketball players. Fox, whose good looks and relatively reasonable 6'7" stature allows him to play more "regular" roles; Shaq, who hired himself to play a genie and a superhero; Kareem, who was a karate black belt; and Wilt, who played a gargantuan prehistoric villian. So, if you're an NBA player and you want to get into acting, here are the possible career paths to explore:

1. Portray basketball players. To do this, you need to wait for a basketball movie to be made. Anyone, including Leon Douglas, can do this.
2. Portray freakishly tall villians/superheroes. See Shaq, Wilt, Kareem.
3. Finance your own movie, hire yourself as star. See Shaq.
4. Be handsome and not be freakishly tall. See Rick Fox.

I must have missed some. Send me your suggestions in the comments and I'll add more if I have time. Stay tuned for part 3 next week.

Athletes as Actors, part 1: NFL Football

Click here for part 2.
Click here for part 3.

For whatever reason, athletes want to be actors, and actors want to be athletes. Normally, actors can't just spontaneously become athletes because they lack the physical attributes to make the switch (most actors are either quite dainty and fragile, or are fat chain-smokers). However, many athletes have been able to parlay their fame into some decent acting gigs. And football players, often because of their freakish size, seem to be well suited for acting. Here are some of the most notable (not necessarily the best) pro football players who tried their hand at acting:

Defensive Line - What is it about defensive linemen that make them turn to acting? There are lots to choose from for this list. Is it their freakish size and strength? Is it the steriods? Is it the slavish adherence to instructions and directions? Why so many defensive linemen, but no offensive linemen? Are offensive linemen too smart? I'm perplexed.

Bubba Smith
The former MSU Spartan All-American defensive tackle (who played professionally for the Raiders, Colts, and Oilers) played Moses Hightower in the Police Academy series of movies. But he also appeared in such 70s and 80s staples as Eight is Enough, Charlie's Angels, Taxi, Vegas, and Wonder Woman. What, no Love Boat? No Fantasy Island?

Typical role: big dopey oaf (or big oafish dope)

Merlin Olson
Former Rams defensive tackle and NFL hall-of-famer was on many episodes of the hit 70s/80s TV series Little House On The Prairie before starring in his own short-lived series, Father Murphy. Also "starred" in a series of ads for FTD, which tried to make it okay for men to like flowers.

Typical role: sensitive bearded man or clergy



Alex Karras
The former Detroit Lions defensive tackle not only starred in his own series (Webster), but he also played one of the most lovable iconic retards in film history - Mongo in Blazing Saddles. He appeared in such 70s series as Love, American Style, The Odd Couple, McMillan & Wife, and M*A*S*H. He even hosted SNL once in 1985. In researching this, I also discovered that Karras finished 2nd in the Heisman Trophy voting in 1957. Was also suspended from the NFL for a year for gambling.

Typical role: meathead

Roosevelt (Rosey) Grier
Another Rams lineman. He had roles in shows as far back as 1965 (Man from UNCLE). His credits include such memorable shows as I Dream Of Jeannie, Daniel Boone, Kojak, CHiPs, Quincy, and Love Boat. Oddly enough, also had a variety show called "The Rosey Grier Show" that lasted exactly one episode. He also appeared on Match Game, and in one episode of The Simpsons (as himself). Also known for espousing the masculine virtues of needlepoint. Rosey served as a bodyguard for Robert Kennedy during his run for president in 1968, but was guarding Ethel Kennedy, the Senator's wife, then expecting a child, the night that Kennedy was assassinated in Los Angeles in 1968. Grier and Olympic gold medalist Rafer Johnson heard shots fired ahead of them. Grier grabbed the gun of the assassin, Sirhan Sirhan, and jammed his finger behind the trigger, breaking Sirhan Sirhan's arm. Wow. Top that, Brian Bosworth.

Typical role: suave sensitive soul brother

Fred Dryer
Former Rams pro bowl defensive end had his own hit series in the 80s - Hunter. He has also reprised the role for a couple TV movies since then. According to IMDB, he was a finalist for the role of Sam Malone on Cheers. He did make several guest appearances on Cheers (as Sam's former Red Sox teammate) thru the years.

Typical role: macho stud (Clint Eastwood-lite)


John Matuszak
A former Raider and Oiler, one of The Tooz's early appearances was one that suited his acting talents well: he played a caveman in "Caveman," which featured Ringo Starr. Perfect casting, since his lines were essentially grunts. He went on to appear in lots of TV shows, as well as "One Crazy Summer." Appeared on one episode of "Hunter."

Typical role: caveman, or intellectual equivalent

Lyle Alzado
The former Broncos/Raiders/Browns defensive end was most well-known for his admission of steroid use during his career. Ironically, he appeared in an anti-drug music video sponsored by the Reagan administration called Stop the Madness. Just say no, Lyle. I had a loser classmate in junior high who insisted that he knew Alzado personally, and that this fact might impress people. This only made me dislike Lyle Alzado.

Typical role: Reagan administration shill

Running Back - Two of the all-time greats, and that's about it

OJ Simpson
This former Heisman Trophy winner went on to play for the Buffall Bills and break the single season rushing record with 2003 yards in 1973. He was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1985, his first year of eligibility. He also appeared in some sweet flicks: Roots, Capricorn One, Towering Inferno, the Naked Gun movies. He even hosted Saturday Night Live in 1978. Oh, and he slashed the throats of his ex-wife and an innocent bystander in 1994, instantly killing them both. Actually, I'm only kidding. He was never convicted of this crime. He has spent the last twelve plus years of his life tirelessly searching for the perpetrator(s) of this crime. It is rumored that he has spent over three million dollars in greens fees and charter fishing boat fees in the pursuit of the killers.

Typical role: murderer

Jim Brown
Widely considered the best football player to ever lace up the cleats, he retired at the age of 29 after a brief but spectacular 9-year career. He's got some great films on his list of credits: The Dirty Dozen, Ice Station Zebra, Three The Hard Way, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka. He earned all-american honors in both lacrosse and football at Syracuse. He's well known for speaking out for, and supporting, causes he believes in. He is a bad mutha, and at the age of 72 could probably kick the ass of many current NFL players.

Typical role: badass hero

Defensive Back - Only one DB? Deion, are you ready for your close-up?

Fred Williamson
Former Raiders/Chiefs/Steelers defensive back, "The Hammer" played a badass in just about every one of his films. Of all these guys, he has had the longest, most successful acting career. In fact, he's still at it today. I have no idea what it's about, but he appears in the upcoming movie "Black Kissinger" as Henry Kissinger. Sounds like a straight-to-video release. Some other tidbits: like Alex Karras, is from Gary, IN; he appeared in Playgirl in 1973; he was Spearchucker Jones in the movie M*A*S*H.

Typical role: badass hero - lower budget

Quarterback - I would have thought there were more QBs that went into acting. After all, they are the glamour boys of the NFL.

Terry Bradshaw
Hall-of-Fame Steelers QB Terry Bradshaw recently appeared in the film "Failure to Launch" and showed his bare ass. Dozens of people from across the country are rumored to have been admitted to psychiatric hospitals in an effort to erase the image from their brains. Also appeared in Cannonball Run and Hooper, two Burt Reynolds films. Mostly plays a version of himself.

Typical role: affable southern country bumpkin


Joe Namath
Broadway Joe, along with respected journalist Dick Schapp, co-hosted The Joe Namath Show. He also guest-hosted The Tonight Show several times. He appeared on both The Love Boat and Fantasy Island, as well as The Brady Bunch. Namath was offered the job to host "Family Feud" when the show was revived in 1988, but the producers had second thoughts, and ultimately hired Ray Combs instead. He is most well known by the youngins for his Monday Night Football interview with ABC sideline reporter Suzy Kolber, in which he appeared drunk and asked Kolber for a kiss.

Typical role: drunk

It's strange that all of these are older guys. I have a theory. I think it is can be attributed to two factors:

1. Current players make so much money when they are playing that they are less likely to need to have a post-NFL career that requires actual work (as opposed to "endorsing" or being a "spokesman" for someone).
   
2. There are so many more NFL broadcasting jobs now. ESPN alone probably employs a dozen former players. Same goes for Fox, CBS, NBC, and the NFL network. Not to mention all the on-line stuff.
   

I must have missed some. Send me your suggestions in the comments and I'll add more if I have time. We were going to do all sports at once, but there were too many football players. We'll get to the others soon enough.