Thursday, May 15, 2008

Politics and Sports

Strange Stuff In The News

John McCain says that the war in Iraq will be over by 2013. Wow, that's a relief. I was worried it might go on a long time. Just five years to go, people. If the war does indeed end in 2013, that will make it a ten year war - longer than the US involvement in WWI and WWII combined. Thanks for the reassurance, Johnny Mac. I'm definitely voting for you now.

Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Spector says he wants a Senate inquiry into the New England Patriots notorious "spygate" controversy, mainly because both NFL teams in his state lost to the Pats during their playoff run on the way to their victory in Super Bowl 39. I think it's a wonderful idea, since there is nothing else worthwhile that our legislators need to spend time on. Other sports-related "controversies" that Spector should insist on investigating:

- The brown smudge on Kenny Rogers' hand during the 2006 playoffs
- Tom Brady's "Tuck Rule" fumble
- Danica Patrick running over a member of a rival's pit crew
- The BCS
- The Colorado vs. Missouri "5th down" game from 1990
- Michael Jordan pushing Bryon Russell out of the way before hitting game winning shot in 1998 NBA finals
- Matt Leinart's hot tub party
- Matt Millen's draft record

I demand hearings! Go get 'em, boy!

Any other shananigans Senator Spector needs to be made aware of?


Taxman said...

Excellent idea Assman – I have some outrages in the world of sports that the distinguished senator can look into:

• Did Matt Millen secretly kidnap Joe Dumars right before the ’04 draft and make the Darko pick for him?
• Who’s controlling the voodoo dolls on the Tigers’ pitching staff?
• Whether Michael Talley signaled time-out on the sideline in the 93 Final (encouraging C-Webb to do the same) – I want that game film examined?
• How OSU evaded penalties with Maurice Clarett?
• How USC keeps having star athletes get paid without being penalized?
• whether MJ was really forced out of the NBA after the ’93 title by David Stern for gambling issues?
• why Bill Laimbeer is not in the Hall of Fame? Outrageous!
• why Wayne Fontes hasn’t gotten another coaching offer? God Bless

Assman said...

"Mr. Millen, I remind you that you are under oath. Did you or did you not kidnap Mr. Dumars on the eve of the 2004 draft?"

"I guess it depends what you mean by 'kidnap.' I prefer to think of it as 'drug and replace with a lookalike cyborg.'"

"Thank you Mr. Millen. Now, as to your own draft record..."

candyman said...

It seems to be a more pragmatic view of the situation than having tea and crumpits with Ahmadinejad. Plus, if you really want to get after McCain, he also sadi we would be ther for 50-100 years, remember. I know, I know...the new sherrif in town is going to quickly end things nice and easy.