Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Fun with Names - Super Bowl Edition

Previously I had a good time poking fun at some unusual names in the SEC and the Big Ten, and even the Summer Olympics. It's Super Bowl time, and it's time to make fun of more names. The usual disclaimers apply, and these are meant for entertainment purposes only - even if they are only for my own entertainment...

Arizona Cardinals

- Calais Campbell - "You know what will make us sound sophisticated? Naming our kid after a French town. Paris? Nah, that's overused. How about Calais."
- Karlos Dansby - "Carlos" is just too pedestrian. How about "Karlos?" Ooooh, that's edgy.
- Early Doucet - He has a sister named Timely, and a brother named Tulate.

- Jerheme Urban - Odd spelling for the first name, and he might be the whitest looking man in the NFL.

Pittsburgh Steelers

- Orpheus Roye - Orpheus? Wasn't he in The Matrix. "You are the one, Neo."
- Marvel Smith - Short for Marvelous, I'm sure. And who wouldn't want their kid to be named Marvelous? Oh, you either?
- Limas Sweed - This one looks like an anagram to me. Sawed Limes? Sesame Wild? Sea Mildews? Ass Weed Mil?
- William Gay - You know how I know you're gay? It says "Gay" on your uniform!
- Willie Colon - You combine a Willie and a Colon, and that spells trouble. Hey-O!
- Mewelde Moore - His lesser known brothers are named Uwelde and Hewelde. Dad's name is Iwelde.
- Keyaron Fox - I think she's a sideline reporter on the Versus Network or something.
- Santonio Holmes - "Hey, why don't we name him after where he was conceived - the parking lot of the Alamodome in San Antonio? How about Alamodomelot? Too long? How about Santonio? All right, let's go with it."
- Jared Retkovsky - There's nothing particularly unusual about his name, but it should be noted that he was a furniture mover until he was signed in October to replace injured long snapper Greg Warren. From carrying a piano up to a third floor apartment, to jogging onto the field and throwing a ball between your legs eight times in a game: Upgrade!

Old Guy First Names
- Ralph Brown
- Bertrand Berry
- Clark Haggans
- Victor Hobson
- Lyle Sendlein

- Elliott Vallejo
- Gabe Watson
- Arnold Harrison
- Ike Taylor

Sounds like a fine group of fellows who get together every Tuesday night at the Senior Center for a game of dominoes or canasta: Ralph, Bert, Clark, Victor, Lyle, Elliott, Gabe, Arnie and Ike. Prune juices all around!

I'm sure I missed a few good ones. I am but one man. Leave more ideas in the comments if you'd like.

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