Death and Tiger Woods

Death and Tiger Woods. That appears to be the focus of this blog if you look at the couple weeks. Each of the last six posts on this site have dealt with one of those two topics. Why am I obsessed with death and Tiger Woods? It's kinda depressing.

The Tiger Woods part I can see. I think Tiger is pretty cool. He's got a great job, a hot wife, and all the money he'll ever need. Writing about Tiger Woods is understandable and excusable, especially considering his amazing US Open victory. However, the death posts are harder to understand. Part of the reason for this is that sometimes when I'm looking for blog post ideas, I'll peruse "this day in history" sites and sometimes the most interesting stuff is about death (OJ, Rod Beck, Vince Welnick, etc.). And Carlin just died, so I had to write a brief tribute to him. Anyway, those are just excuses for my recent tendencies (as the saying goes - excuses are like assholes...). Now, since the eleven readers of this blog are not exactly in a position to psychoanalyze me, I will try to do it myself. Why am I writing about death? Let's look at the possibilities:

I have a deadly disease or someone close to me just died
I feel fine and no family members have died recently - but I do have a bit of a cold that's been hanging on by a thread for the last two weeks or so. Perhaps a doctor visit is in order. If someone in my family dies in the next couple weeks, perhaps these death posts are a premonition (cue the Twilight Zone music).

Football season approaches
This is an interesting one. While I consciously have a great deal of optimism about the upcoming season and the start of the RichRod era at Michigan, perhaps subconsciously I am dreading the possible results. Who's gonna play QB? Will the leftovers from the Lloyd regime fit in with the new style? Will the Barwis training methods kill some players before the season starts? Why can't we park in the Grey Lot anymore?

Tiger Woods knee injury
Could it be that death and Tiger Woods are related in my mind? His US Open victory was no doubt inspiring, but maybe the news that he's shutting it down for the rest of the year is like a death in my mind. No more Tiger news for the rest of the year? I may have to do some work around the house on weekends now. Epic tragedy.

Sports news lull
Basketball season is over. Hockey season is over. Tiger is down for the year. Baseball season is mired in the "dog days" of an extremely long season. The Triple Crown went unclaimed yet again. Until the Olympics start and football season starts, the sports landscape looks kinda bleak.

Lack of creative ideas
When I can't think of anything on my own, the "this day in history" posts are a bit of a crutch, and I've probably been overusing those recently.

Busier at work
Don't get me wrong - I like being busy at work. But when I'm busy thinking about mundane engineering stuff, my creative juices are not overflowing.

Realization of my own mortality
Yikes. This is mid-life crisis stuff. I don't think I'm there yet.

While this is not exactly earth-shatteringly disturbing or anything, I would like to get back to posting funny stuff again as soon as I find some inspiration. I am confident that since the Olympics and football season are approaching, I'll find something fun and interesting to write about. But for all or some of the above reasons, I am in a bit of a down cycle. Not to worry though. I feel a Summer Olympics post gurgling up inside me. Or maybe that's just the breakfast burrito I just ate.

Tiger Woods - US Open Champ

So, Tiger pulled it out on the first sudden death playoff hole to finally put Rocco Mediate away on the 91st hole of the US Open. One thing's for sure - Rocco has certainly found himself some new fans. He fought all the way and gave Tiger all he could handle. But twice in this US Open he made putts on the final hole when he had to - on the 18th on Sunday to get into a playoff, and on the 18th today to send it to sudden death. Amazing.

I'd say Tiger is playing pretty well the last couple years. Since he missed the cut in the 2006 US Open in his first tournament after the death of his father, he has been on a tear. In the last eight majors since then, he has gone 1-1-T2-T2-T12-1-2-1. Four wins and three second place finishes in eight tries. During that same period (about two years) he has won a total of 17 tournaments. The dude can play - even with an injured knee.

My hat's off to you, Tiger. It's good to be the king...

Tiger Woods

Well, I have not been able to find a picture of it yet, but I know it's out there. Tiger has done it again. He has managed to mess up another great high five opportunity. After sinking the twelve footer on the 18th hole of the US Open on Sunday, Tiger and caddy Steve Williams attempted another high five and came up woefully short. Steve ended up with Tiger's forearm in his hand. I know in the heat of the moment, after making a pressure putt, it's tough to execute a successful high five, but Stevie and Tiger should either practice this move, or try something else. What else would be appropriate:


- The Chest Bump: This one may be a little risky for Tiger with his injured knee, but the chest is a much larger target than the hand. It might have to be a somewhat subdued "feet on the ground" chest bump.

- The Exuberant Hug: This one is a good choice. Not much chance of a miss here. Just open your arms and grab. However, Steve is usually holding the flag stick in this situation, so there could be significant injury risk.

- The Primal Scream: If they scream loudly at each other just inches apart, that would eliminate the need for any body contact at all. Not much chance of anything going wrong, but it is kinda weak. This is the equivalent of laying up.


- The Kiss: A big wet kiss is always good for a celebration. In Talladega Nights, Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard gave each other a big kiss, and it was not at all gay. Okay, it was a little gay. This is a high risk maneuver. If the kiss goes on too long, it could get awkward for everyone. This is the equivalent of going for the green over the water out of the bunker - while wearing a hot pink shirt with an ascot.

- A Dance: If Tiger can practice for hours on the range, I think these guys can manage to come up with an NFL-style celebration dance that is dignified enough for the golf course. This would take a little practice and creativity.


- The Lap: After making the putt, Tiger could take a lap around the green, Hale Irwin style, and high five the gallery. This is a nice one for the fans, and could be done in combination with any of the other celebrations. But Tiger's knee could make this a bit of a dodgy proposition.


- The Laydown: Tiger could just collapse in exhaustion and relief after making the putt. Stevie would then jump on top of him and dry hump him for 4.8 seconds, because five seconds would be totally gay.




My advice to Tiger: either practice and correctly execute the high five, or try something else. It's very embarrassing for you. My choice for Tiger and Steve would be a big hug, followed by a 0.5 second long kiss. Anyone have any other ideas?

NOTE: I am aware the the high fiving picture of Tiger and Steve shown above is from the Masters. If anyone has a screen shot of the offensive high five from yesterday, please direct me toward it in the comments.

U.S. Open Preview

I hate to say it*, but this U.S. Open is Phil Mickelson's to lose. He'll never have a better chance to beat Tiger Woods, who's operating with one bad wheel and is bound to be a bit rusty after two months away from competitive golf. And for the first two rounds, he'll be playing head-to-head with Tiger in the same group. If he's ever going to stand up and stare into the eyes of Tiger and beat him, this is as good a chance as he's going to get. Although Phil has won three majors, he has yet to shake the label of being a choker in big tournaments. He has finished second in the US Open four times, and twice he double-bogeyed late to lose the Open (2004 and 2006). This is his chance to finally shed that label and bring home the hardware and and $1+ million winner's check.

TRIVIA: Not only have the last four winners of the U.S. Open have been foreigners (Goosen, Campbell, Ogilvy, Cabrera), but they are all from the southern hemisphere. I have no idea what that signifies.

NOTE: To review my "Masters Lookalikes" post from a couple months ago, click here.

* If you think this is an attempt at a "reverse jinx" in an effort to provide karma for Tiger to win, you are correct. I'd love to see Tiger win. The first five words of this post are not true. I do not hate to say it. When I say it's his to lose, that's exactly what I expect Phil to do - lose.