Monday, June 16, 2008

Tiger Woods

Well, I have not been able to find a picture of it yet, but I know it's out there. Tiger has done it again. He has managed to mess up another great high five opportunity. After sinking the twelve footer on the 18th hole of the US Open on Sunday, Tiger and caddy Steve Williams attempted another high five and came up woefully short. Steve ended up with Tiger's forearm in his hand. I know in the heat of the moment, after making a pressure putt, it's tough to execute a successful high five, but Stevie and Tiger should either practice this move, or try something else. What else would be appropriate:

- The Chest Bump: This one may be a little risky for Tiger with his injured knee, but the chest is a much larger target than the hand. It might have to be a somewhat subdued "feet on the ground" chest bump.

- The Exuberant Hug: This one is a good choice. Not much chance of a miss here. Just open your arms and grab. However, Steve is usually holding the flag stick in this situation, so there could be significant injury risk.

- The Primal Scream: If they scream loudly at each other just inches apart, that would eliminate the need for any body contact at all. Not much chance of anything going wrong, but it is kinda weak. This is the equivalent of laying up.

- The Kiss: A big wet kiss is always good for a celebration. In Talladega Nights, Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard gave each other a big kiss, and it was not at all gay. Okay, it was a little gay. This is a high risk maneuver. If the kiss goes on too long, it could get awkward for everyone. This is the equivalent of going for the green over the water out of the bunker - while wearing a hot pink shirt with an ascot.

- A Dance: If Tiger can practice for hours on the range, I think these guys can manage to come up with an NFL-style celebration dance that is dignified enough for the golf course. This would take a little practice and creativity.

- The Lap: After making the putt, Tiger could take a lap around the green, Hale Irwin style, and high five the gallery. This is a nice one for the fans, and could be done in combination with any of the other celebrations. But Tiger's knee could make this a bit of a dodgy proposition.

- The Laydown: Tiger could just collapse in exhaustion and relief after making the putt. Stevie would then jump on top of him and dry hump him for 4.8 seconds, because five seconds would be totally gay.

My advice to Tiger: either practice and correctly execute the high five, or try something else. It's very embarrassing for you. My choice for Tiger and Steve would be a big hug, followed by a 0.5 second long kiss. Anyone have any other ideas?

NOTE: I am aware the the high fiving picture of Tiger and Steve shown above is from the Masters. If anyone has a screen shot of the offensive high five from yesterday, please direct me toward it in the comments.


Brandman said...

You just implied that Tiger Woods is king. If that's the case, I think he should simply hire Chad Johnson as his piss boy and have him dance around the green every time he makes a big putt. I'm sure Ocho Cinco would like that more than mini-camp...

General Viagra said...

It looks bad on TV or any media that you give a good high five in the middle of a competition. I think that they should try a least a fist pounding but I don't think that It would look good in golf.

Viagra Online Pharmacy said...

What a cool picture the last one, the tiger giving a hug to that person, really scary.