Friday, April 4, 2008

Celebrity Endorsements

With the tight democratic race leaving the nomination up for grabs even at this late date, celebrity/athlete endorsements could make the difference between winning and losing - despite the fact that anyone who looks to celebrities or athletes for guidance on anything, much less electing the leader of the free world, is like asking Elton John for tips on how to meet women. Anyway, here are some of the more notable (but not necessarily significant) celebrity/athlete endorsements for each remaining candidate:

Barack Obama
50 Cent
Originally endorsed Hillary, but has since switched to Obama. I'm sure Obama is pleased to have a former crack dealer on his side.

Leonard Nimoy
Spock says that Obama is the only logical choice.

Samuel L. Jackson
"You better vote for motherfuckin' Obama! He's one bad muthafucka!"

Mickey Hart, Phil Lesh, & Bob Weir
The boys actually held a "Deadheads for Obama" concert in San Francisco back in February. The tricky part will be getting stoners to remember to vote.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Roger Murdock also heartily endorses Obama.

Tons of Kennedys
The Kennedy's are hacked off about some comments Hillary made about the 1964 Civil Rights Act. She praised LBJ, and did not mention JFK. Most of the Kennedys are endorsing Obama. Sounds kinda junior high-ish to me.

Jay Paterno
"Oh yeah, dad, well I'll show you! I'm supporting Obama! Oh, and can I borrow the car tonight? I promise I'll be back by midnight. Daaaad, I KNOW we have practice tomorrow."

Jeff Tweedy
He participated in a "Barack Obama - Change Rocks" event in Chicago in December.

Gross generalization: From the looks of this list, I'd say the typical Obama endorser is a current or former drug user, drug dealer, or alcoholic.

Hillary Clinton
Chevy Chase
Once attended a "key party" in the 70s with the Clintons. He got Hillary. Bill got Charo. The rest is history.

Bob Vila
He thinks that Hillary is more masculine than the other candidates.

Ann Coulter
Coulter considers Hillary more conservative than McCain. Interesting.

Martha Stewart
Unfortunately for Hillary, she may not be able to vote due to her felony conviction.

Magic Johnson
Hillary's tallest celebrity endorser. Also, his talk show lasted a full two months while Chevy Chase's talk show lasted only six weeks. Advantage - Magic.

Billie Jean King
It's quite a surprise that a significant lesbian has endorsed her.

Gross Generalization: From the looks of this list, I would say that the typical Clinton endorser is a current or former lesbian, or has had a canceled TV show.

John McCain
Sylvester Stallone
Like McCain, John Rambo was a POW. Also like McCain, Stallone is short (both are about 5'-7").

Wilford Brimley
He and McCain served together in WWI, and is actively opposed to banning cockfighting. Brimley's mustache has not yet decided on whom to endorse.

Curt Schilling
Schilling is a born again christian. He's also a WWII history buff, and collects knives and helmets from the war. Adds blood to his sock before every start. Fancies himself a soldier.

Tom Selleck
Along with Brimley, Selleck gives McCain two actors with awesome mustaches on his side. Also, he is the heir apparent to Chuck Heston for the presidency of the NRA. More trivia: with all the hoopla over Billy Crystal taking an at-bat for the Yankees in a spring training game this spring, many people forget that Selleck had an at-bat for the Tigers in spring training in 1992.

Gross Generalization: From the looks of this list, I'd say the typical McCain endorser is fond of weapons and/or warfare.

Sadly, Kwame Kilpatrick has not weighed in yet on whom he is supporting. Reportedly, each of the candidates has been in touch with Kwame's people to ensure that he does not even mention their names.

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