Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Mario and Kumar Go To Blimpy Burger

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Date: Friday, November 16th, 2007

Mario: Dude, look at the line. It's like totally out the door.

Kumar: No sweat bro. The line moves quick.

Mario: Awesome. I'm starving. Gimme some of them cheetos.

Kumar: Do you know how to order at Blimpy? The rules are very specific.

Mario: Don't worry about it bro. I've been here like a million times.

Kumar: Check out the guy ordering now - he's an idiot. Ordering the cheese first? He's gonna get his ass kicked.

Mario: No doubt. These Blimpy people are as bad as coach Carr. He's always bitchin about somethin'. He's always like "You ran the wrong route" or "You missed your block again" or "Wake up."

Kumar: Yeah, and the new coach might be even worse. It might be Les Miles. He seems kinda psycho. You should just go pro.

Mario: Dude, that's an awesome idea.

Kumar: Okay, pay attention. We're getting close to the front of the line. Turn your cell phone off. That chick just got booted for talking on her's.

Mario: Check. I'll call my agent about the NFL thing after we get our burgers. Well, I don't really have an agent, but my dealer has some friends in the biz.

Kumar (to fryer worker): I'll have onion rings.

Mario (to fryer worker): Hmmmm - lemme see. I'll have fries.

Kumar (to grill worker): I'll have a triple on a kaiser. With grilled mushrooms.

Mario (to grill worker): I'll have a quad on an onion roll. With grilled onions, egg, and salami.

Kumar: Damn, Mario, you are hungry.

Mario (to grill worker): [pulling a small bag of green herbs from his shirt pocket] Can you grill this up too? It's, uh, oregano - medicinal purposes. Thanks, man.

Kumar: Dude, that burger's gonna be awesome.

Mario: No shit, man. Epic. Legendary. Maybe we can call it the Super Mario Burger.

Kumar (to grill worker): Cheddar.

Mario (to grill worker): Cheddar and provolone.

The two buddies pay for their burgers and sit down.

Kumar: Hey, don't you usually eat with the team on the night before a game?

Mario: Yeah, but the meal is all healthy stuff - salads, and pasta, and chicken breasts. I wanna eat a real meal before the game. Who are we playing tomorrow anyway?

Kumar: I dunno. I think it's the last game of the year. Maybe you oughta be with your teammates tonight.

Mario: The last game? Shit, what are you so worried for? Look, after this game Carr's gone and I'm going pro. Let scarf these burgers down, head out to happy hour for a few drinks, and then go back to my apartment for some bong hits and playstation. I'll be fine for the game.

Kumar: Sweet. Cheers, bro.

1 comment:

Brakeman said...

Well Happy Friday to you too! Must be that you stayed up way too late to see our Wolverine puck heads lose in OT to the damn domers and now your taking it out on our former football players. Pretty funny post. I could totally feel the tension and smell the grease as I was reading it. Way to set the scene my man. Krazy Jim's rocks! "I don't talk about people who are no longer on my team." -RichRod.

BTW, I'm listening to Todd Snider right now. "man, where am I gonna get coffee now?" Cheers.