Monday, April 21, 2008


About a year ago, some of us were discussing matters of international importance via e-mail and a lot of the activities/crimes/etc. that we were discussing could only be adequately responded to with a simple word: "sheesh!" What follows is mostly a reproduction from this e-mail exchange, but updated with recent incidents thrown in to make it more current:

Fanatical lunatics of all religions give religion a bad name. Sunnis fighting Shiites? They're both Islamic. Catholics fighting Protestants? They're both Christian. Why do people get so upset about what god some other person chooses to believe in? Sheesh. Actually, "Sheesh" sounds like it might be a good name for a religious sect: "This group claims to be from a little-known offshoot of of the Shiites call themselves the Sheesh, and they did not bomb anything today. Instead, they collectively shook their heads and cast their eyes toward the ground as they heard the news of the latest violence, muttering only the mantra of their faith - 'Sheesh'."

So we decided the we could start our own religion. The main focus of our religion will be that all news of inexplicable violence, bigotry, cruelty, and general idiocy must be met with an exasperated sigh, a bow of the head, and uttering the word "sheesh." The greater the tragedy, the louder the "sheesh" is uttered. It's up to each individual to decide on the volume of their "sheesh." Our basic belief is that the world is messed up. Hard to argue with that, eh? So many news items can be followed by "sheesh" that we decided that if we trademark (copyright?) the phrase, perhaps more people will join us a show of solidarity. And it can be applied to just about any topic you are discussing - politics, sports, TV, movies, etc.

In church, instead of bowing our heads to pray, we'll all look down and say "sheesh" all at once. Not exactly the most uplifting message (I'd say downright cynical), but there will be cake and koolaid after the service, so that should lift everyone's spirits. And on special occasions - brownies.

Oh, and the music in our church will be outstanding. Copious amounts of Grateful Dead, Jerry Garcia Band, and Dylan, as well as lots of originals from the house band "Tangled Up In Sheesh."

Here is what a typical gathering might sound like:

"Welcome, fellow Sheesh. Today, 140 people were killed during a religious procession for no apparent reason. Let us pray."


"This week, the president vetoed a bill that would have allowed the use of any and all herbs, plants and their extracts to treat diseases for which they are well suited to treat. His reasoning was that some of these plants can be dangerous. He had no comment on the widespread legal use of many drugs that are much more dangerous. Let us pray."


"This week, the press spent an inordinate amount of time discussing the clothing worn by people attending an awards ceremony. Let us pray."


"Last week, a woman was arrested for using her baby as a weapon, swinging it at her 'boyfriend' and cracking the baby's skull ( Let us pray."


"Against all odds, reality shows continue to be watched by millions of people. Viewers even continue to tune in to shows that are essentially competitions to see who gets picked to be the newest sex object for an aging former rapper (Flava Flav) and aging former rocker (Bret Michaels). Let us pray."


"Hundreds of thousands of people were disappointed today when they learned that a 17-year-old high school student-athlete has decided to attend a university other than the one for which they currently cheer. Let us pray."


"Terrelle Pryor has decided to go to Ohio State. Let us pray?"


"The Detroit Tigers, who have recently decided to spend some serious coinage to field a competitive baseball team, have gotten off to a horrible start, thanks to bad hitting, bad pitching, and bad defense. Let us pray."


"Amen. Now, let's all adjourn the meeting hall, where we will be regaled with the musical stylings of Tangled Up In Sheesh."

Anyone have any other good stories suitable to be sheesh'ed?

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